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My body has a memory like of the river

Updated on May 18, 2013

When I get lonesome
and no one in the horizon
seems to come
riding
the good tidings
I skim through
your pictures
and messages
secretly
and then smell the cut of your hair
which I stole one early morning
from your head when you were
deadly sleeping
only in attempt
to reel back in
memories
framed in gold
once shared,
not long ago
and savor
in retrospect
the moments
that we thought
would never cease.

you may wonder
why I am still stick
and stuck
in-between
all these donkey's years
the reason is very simple :my body
has a memory
like of the river can't be lost
or replaced
into the ocean,
it runs flood on the trails once sculpted long time ago

I know
it's silly of me
to paint my lust
in these poetic lines
for you to read
after you're gone
out of my sight
forever
somewhere
I've never trodden before
or I could one day
dig my heels in,
America!
you chose the other guy
from the same tribe
with whom
once you shared a memory
and trivial domistic bills
to raise up a family
we dreamt to have.
Eric,Cassie,Madilyn
gone with the wind,
even the adopted kid
whose name I cant recall
I am sorry

sometimes,
I wonder
how could you bear your heart
and do that to me?
was it my religion?
my root?
my poverty?
why until that day?
why couldnt you stopped
or just paused to think when I told you
it was too fast ,
let us slowed it down?
you shrugged your shoudlders
and you took my soul
put in a bottle
and threw in the middle of ocean
in vain
I tried to keep my head afloat
splashing the water
with my bare hands
but your waves were huge so strong
hard to resist and impossible to tide against
so I gave in, spitting out the cork and let myself to be refilled
by your love and sank peacefully down to the bottom
first, in the levels above,
under close the water surface, it felt warm
the more down,the more colder
it was the sign of the decline,
the sunset,
the funeral of my heart
and the begining of
someone better to take a place in,
someone could offer
what I failed:
fancy car,
swanky cosy shelter,
gold rings.

I wonder
are you happy
with these gimmicks?
a life without burning embers
for sure
so cold, isn't it ??

you fooled me,
only me to blame
for letting myself to get busy,
working hard for
our promising life together
when you both reconnected the old dots
behind my back
and created something I called later : Betrayal
and you called : If you love something,
set it free;
if it comes back, it is yours;
if it doesn't it never was.
Bu..ll..sh..it !!!
How dare you are!!

you are so wrong -as always -
if you think
I held anything against him
when he said to you:
dont talk to him
cut the strings
the bonds
the ropes that linked
the delight with the plight
the beauty with the beast
he was protecting
what he thought
a true love
returning back,
a valid goal
indeed,
but you
better stay
where you are
never show up
cause I still have hard feelings
towards you
and a hand on a dagger
lying in wait
I cant seem to forget
nor I can let bygones be bygones


my heart was made of gold
so precious
so rare
impossible
to find its twin
as you said
but you stabbed it
in cold blood
when a floating cloud
from the past
passed your sky.
you ran after it
back
home
head up
hands behind
stained with blood
dripping
What a victory!
and what a mess you left behind!
top notch
you killed the test,
the beast I mean
bravo
well done
I am sure
even you try
you won't find a heart
like mine
neither once in a blue moon
nor once in a while
that life could give you a fairy tale

All is eclipsed now
I don't regret
anything
nor wish you here
like before
all the time
on my bed
fanning my desire,
shewing my ears off
naughty whispers !
I am almost
recovered
one mile left to go
from the ashes
I will rise
soaring
through
the starlit skies
viewing my plight
on earth as a fiddle
not worth to mention.!

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    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      wow James.. this is so deep my friend.. it starts out so much love and ends.. not so much.. your words grab me and I held my breath with every word..

      many blessings to you and I hope u can find your happiness..

      voted up and sharing

      deb

    • Monisa Ahmed profile image

      monisa 4 years ago from India

      A Lonesome poetry..

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Seems we both had rivers on our mind today. Interesting how we dealt with them. thanks.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Hey Debbie.Thanks so much for the visit and the vote.Those feelings were kept up inside for many years.I just wanted to get them out.This poem serves me as a punching bag on which I can strike my negative feelings:)

      Many Blessings to you.

      Have a great day!

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Monisa,

      Thanks for the visit.I really appreciate it.

      Have a lovely day there!

    • LailaK profile image

      LailaK 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Ohh myyy! Very sad story :( Your words are captivating! Wonderful and deep poetry!

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Martin,

      Thanks my faithful friend.My body was hooked up and after the break,it took me guts to unplug my sensual addiction from her.I still have things from her.I dont know what to do with them.I want to purge her out of my mind.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Laila,

      Thanks so much for the visit and comment.

      Have a wonderful day there!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Wow Sir James you laid it all out on the line here - this is truly epic poetry from the heart and I love the narrative flow of your monologue - most definitely my favorite piece by you in which I've read - because it conjures up all of the great emotions which makes us such complex human beings - peace be with you and are you feeling better after your flu now?

      Sending big hugs to my buddy from Colin and his cats at lake erie time canada 8:50am and listeing to the choral sounds of the Tallis Scholars with my birthday coffee soon to be followed by haggis and black pudding

      Sharing this link on my FB page for more lucky readers to see and read

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Thanks so much The Mr Muse,Sir Colin.I ve learned a lot from me.Your my guru .Your style is so beautiful.Sometimes you put me in awe and letting myself muttering for few minutes:What the h..e..l is this?how did he come up with this idea?:)

      Thanks so much for your support and sweet words.

      Many blessings to you.

    • profile image

      dreamseeker2 4 years ago

      Wow! So full of depth and feelings. A good read into a man psyche. ; ) I liked it James. It is rare a man will open up to share his feelings, raw and unprotected. It takes courage to lay ones heart and soul on the line of love, even that which seems bittersweet in the end. I admire your thoughts and kind heart. Which is obvious through your voice in words, in sharing it with us.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      I am glad you liked it.I was just skimming through the pictures of my ex and felt urged to write what was going on in my mind.I am not reserved.I am too open and exposed to naked eyes lol I think this is my point of weakness ;)Some people here where I am always tend to use me for that and think I am silly and vulnerable .

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      James,

      Am I ever sorry I took so long to make it to this masterpiece and that is sorrow for me, not you, as I was the one missing out! This is so powerful, beautifully tragic, but with a new bright beginning from an old dark ending. You will be born again James... you are almost there, but there is no doubt the horrific pain that her, that this love has cost, is healing. Only a fool thinks he should heel quickly, that is an oxymoron. You've released yourself, you've ridden your brain and your heart of the pain... now, you must be patient as the dust settles. LOVE THIS!!!

      Up, awesome and beautiful!

      Cat

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Cat,

      Thanks so much for this beautiful insight. I really appreciate it.I agree with everything you mentioned here. Albert Einstein says: Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

      So one has to keep moving and never stop or look back in anger.What is broken is broken as Margaret Michelle ,the author of Gone With Wind ,says.It happens in that way,yes,it does,so one has accept it and learn to turn the wounds and upheavals into wisdom.I am almost released,need more time and concentration.

      Thanks for the vote.I am glad you liked it.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      James,

      That was beautiful James, and you have such a deep emotional understanding of things, I know you will fare well. Learn from the past, but never reget it; with learning we grow, with regrets we digress. You cant undo the past but you control the future.

      If one says they are healed before their time, they are only in denial and hiding the pain in a place that will eventually resurface. I think you are going about it perfectly, letting it happen and heal as it does, without picking the scab, nor covering it with a bandaid. I have faith in you :D

      Cat

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Cat,

      To heal from emotional fiasco is no easy task.it takes time and guts.Those who dont want to be in pain anymore and want to be done, to be left unburdened and naked, to tear the hurt off their bodies like layers of clothes should give it its time.I agree with what you said.You said it better than me.

      Thanks so much!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      James,

      Oh I most certainly did not!!! :D You always speak so eloquently and from your soul. Just keep being you and doing what you're doing, when the right lady finds you... she won't let you go!

      Cat

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Cat,

      I know she is around the corner and I have to open my eyes and keep other senses sharp.I think this is the right gear that guy must be weaponed with :d

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      What a wonderful poem my friend;wonderful and voted up without a single doubt.

      Have a wonderful day.

      Eddy.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Thanks so much Eddy for the comment.I am glad you liked it.

      Have a nice day there!

    • BNadyn profile image

      Bernadyn 4 years ago from Jacksonville, Florida

      So deep and can feel the strong and honest emotions. Impressive poem, voted up!

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ BNadyn.Thanks so much for the visit and comment.I really appreciate it.

      Many blessings to you,

      James.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      James,

      You are very right my dear friend... you have a heart like no other and you must protect it with keen senses! She's coming... you just don't see her yet ;-)

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Cat,

      if she is on the road,help me to trap her lol

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 3 years ago from Finland

      Wow, that heart has been very broken. It's very captivating to read this poem filled with emotional feelings.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Made,

      It makes my heart sick when I remember all the good words and the broken promises.

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