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My suicide your divorce.
"If love is a crime,i am willing to be wanted."
I and my wife Shaiza had been together for eight years, she is the best thing that ever happened to me and i love her. I still do love her and can’t be without her. We had a pure romantic four years courtship before tying the knot in 2005.My wife was my role model, she was the author of our home and i admire her so much.
I can’t forget the day i proposed to her, i wanted to do it in a
special way. It was the 14th of February 2005, the Valentine’s Day and in
India, we do not play with this day. Truly the lovers day. I chose to be Amitab
Bachan so i dressed exactly how he dressed in one of his romantic movies. I have
to act to make this pure Bollywood.
I called her and asked her to meet me at the central park, i saw her from afar as she was entering the park so i took a pose on the exact spot where i asked her to meet me, she could not recognize me and that was exactly what i wanted but as she was about to turn the opposite direction.
I called out
on her and she was all laughs, she rushed towards me and hugged me then she
noticed petals of roses all over the floor , it occurred to her that i was not
alone. Our parents and couple of family members were there too, there was the
Bahi band. They are her favorite musical group.
I knelt down and brought out the case from my pocket, it was a 24k white gold ring.
“Will you marry me” i asked her .
She was so astonished by the whole situation, all she could do was hug me and nodded her head then with a thin voice, that was dove’s like, she said “YES”.
Then i slipped the ring into her finger and the celebration began. That day was one of my best moments in life because i saw the childish nature in the love of my life, she was all tears. Two weeks later, we tied the knot and had been very happy together until recently.
I lost my Job and all my effort to secure another job was in vain.
Things at a stage became very difficult for us, we had
to sometimes sell our property to maintain ourselves, i sold my car and could
not utilize the money because of bills, the hardship was telling on us, Shazia
no longer visited the beauty parlor on weekly basis, she was always angry and
I knew we will overcome the situation but we have to fight it together but Shazia was just off from the picture, we argued almost every second though it did not change my love for my wife. One day she threatened to end our marriage,she told me that she wanted a divorce, i told her that the only divorce she will get from me is to lose me to death because i will commit suicide for her to be alone.
I know i love my wife and can’t do without her.
The next day, there was a cricket match so i was in the next compound all day
because we have sold our own television, In India cricket is like madness but
what i got from Shazia who knew that i can go without food for a week for a
cricket match was four slaps for coming home late. I didn’t utter a word and
left her with her new madness.
I made sure that i notified our parents about her behavior, but on the contrary, she was suppose to be my support because we made a vow to be together for better and for worse till death do us part. One day, her mother visited us, she brought food stuffs and fruits for us, she talked to Shazia about my complain and made her understand that life is full of ups and downs but we will surely win the battle because everyone knew that i am a hardworking man, she later left that same day but less than an one hour after she departed, Shazia began again.
“You idiot, you married me for my family to feed you” she said to me
I didn’t utter a word because i was surprised at her attitude, she began throwing away the food stuffs and all i could do was stand and watch her then at a time, i realized that i was crying, there was tears all over me,i went closer to her and tried to hold her hand, all i wanted to do was to hug her and kiss her but as i approached her, she opened the cupboard and brought out a knife but before i could say a word, she stabbed me so we began struggling for the knife and i became very angry on the whole thing then i overpowered her and seeing that she was even ready for a fight, i began hitting her then i grabbed her on the neck and strangled her.
Shazia fell on the floor and i thought to myself.”What have i done”? I have killed my wife, she remained motionless and all that came into me was to stab myself to death but i had a second thought, it was not my intention to kill my wife so out of confusion and frustration,i decided to notify the authority of my grievous crime so i ran to Wadala police station to report the matter, i told the police office i saw at the counter what i did but he instead turned me anyway, he told me that it was within the limit of their station so i should go to Guli and make my report.
I did not have a second thought, i wanted to surrender so i followed his instructions.
A team of police officers and an ambulance was dispatched to our house, i led them on handcuffs but when we got to the house, Shazia’s body was no longer there so the officers began searching all over the house and the entire compound then all of a sudden, a noise was heard from inside the bathroom.
was Shazia, she was lying on the floor and the shower was on. She was weak so
they helped her into the Ambulance and rushed her to the hospital while i was
locked up at the station. Eight hours later, our whole family was in the
station with her, the deputy was with them too, he was a good family friend.
I was later released because Shazia said that she don’t want to press any charge on me but i have pressed one already, a murder i committed but how can i commit murder and the person i killed is standing right in the police station so the case was closed and we all left the station. The fact is that Shazia became unconscious when i held her neck tight so i presumed her dead, it was a miracle anyway.
One month later.
The problem now is not that i tried to kill my wife or that i
was locked up for hours, it is not even about our ups and downs, if it were
these issues then i can control them because right now, i have gotten a work
with Inter Globe, a communication company and i am the IT general manager.
My problem right now is that Shazia still want to go on with the divorce she once told me about. How can i grant her that, why can’t we be happy once more? Shazia i love you and i swore and pledge allegiance to heaven above that i will never lay hands on you again but if you wish to continue with the divorce then fine. Heaven and its host have to be ready to receive a son because like i promised you earlier, my suicide your divorce.
“Hello, Shazia, it is me, the love of your life, your hero, please talk to me baby, i am sorry for all i did.
we can still work this out, talk to me baby, please withdraw the divorce
because i cannot do without you. All my life, honey! i have been dreaming of a
complete me and with you i am just whole.”
I told her this a million times, left a trillion voice messages in her cell phone but she stood on her decision for a divorce. Everyone told me to be strong, even people i do not know encouraged me to allow her just go on and live my life but the more i try to accept the situation, the more i find reasons to love her and the more i understood that giving up my life was the best.
I know deep down in my soul that without Shazia, i am nothing. Honestly, after God in my life comes Shazia, the sunshine and rainbow that make up my world. It is now obvious that she don’t want me anymore, coping with my daily activities became a nightmare. The only thing that accompanied me for the rest of the few weeks left for the divorce hearing was suicide. I almost killed myself on the eve of the 13th of November but something inside me told me to do it right in front of her and in the court premises.
I knew that all my friends and family members were worried about me, they were all over me like bees on honey because they all knew that i am a man of my words and since i have declared death to divorce that i will surely do what i intend to do.I was on time for the court hearing, our case was scheduled for 10am,it is now half past 10am but Shazia was nowhere to be found then at exactly 12pm,i saw her coming out from inside the court room, she looked very beautiful, she pretended that she didn’t see me but i knew that she saw me so i walked up to her.
“Angel, i love you”
She didn’t talk, she was just gazing at me.
“Do you still want to go on with this divorce?”
She looked at me and nod her head then i saw tears dropping from her eyes, I pulled out my pistol and as i wanted to place it on my head, she held me with her soft lovely hand, that was the best hand in the whole world, it has love in it and it is the hand of an Angel. Shazia, then spoke.
“Baby, i love you as much as you love and i can’t live without you.”
She began to cry then hugged me, kissed me and as i tried to comfort her, i saw the Bahi band emerged from inside the court, they were her favorite band, what is going on i thought within myself? Everyone was there, our parents, cousins and friends, and then i realized that the apple of my eyes was even wearing the same cloth she wore on our wedding day.Shazia was a dancer before i met her but she stopped dancing because of an injury she sustained in a car accident so i never saw her dance except for the moves she sometimes make casually.
What happened on the 18th of November in the District Court was history, Lawyers, Judges, Prisoners and all security operatives present in the court premises will never forget that hips can talk because Shazia displayed the best of her and danced to the delight of every soul. The band played this song.
(TOUCH OF AN ANGEL).
The days we share together
And this very day is the same
I cannot live without your love
I met God sometime but he sent me back
He said,he gave me an Angel
Your suicide is a declaration of love
Chorus: My suicide your divorce, your suicide our divorce ooo talalala
Lalalala is my baby, for better and for worse, till death do us part
It wasn’t meant to give you pains, it was a touch of an Angel.My Angel o talalala lala laaaaa...................