Mysterious 'Outdated Magazine Crisis' In Doctor's Offices Causes Me Serious Alarm
This is a vintage Field and Stream magazine
The many divisions of doctors
Samples of outdated magazines found in some doctor's waiting rooms
It crept in like the gentle breezes of Gulfport, Mississippi and found a home in the humble waiting rooms of some doctors in our country. And even today, it is cause for concern for those of us who have to wait to see our doctor when we are sick.
I cannot tell you where it came from. Or why it chose to reside. Breed. And grow without hindrance. Inside the confines of doctor's waiting rooms. All I do know for sure is that to me, this is a "Mysterious Outdated Magazine Crisis That Has Caused Me Some Serious Alarm." And I am not too big. Or prideful to confess that I'm visibly-shaken by this 'silent monster' that is living comfortably under our very runny noses. This really bothers me.
I mean. We can with our highly-sophisticated laboratories of gifted research scientists, find cures for modern man's diseases. And we even landed on the moon in July of 1969. Plus other monumental scientific and medical breakthroughs that would boggle Albert Einstein. But we cannot do one solitary thing about the dangerous outbreak of outdated magazines found in doctro's waiting rooms. Sad. Depressing situation, folks. Or am I just whistling in the dark on this one?
Allow me to vent. Okay. Explain. No, I was right the first time. Vent. No one enjoys being sick. Although (to cover my bases) there might be a few people who love sickness to the point of getting their own reality television show, but I am not one of these special people. I like to be able to move about. Breathe unhampered. And enjoy life as I can. Are you still with me? I would wager that you are of the same opinion. Healthy bodies equal happy people. I would have said healthy minds, but people who know me will tell you that my mind is not that healthy.
When I visit my family physician I know two things will happen. One, if my appointment is for 10:00 a.m., I will get in to see my doctor at 1 p.m. That's just how it is. I've long accepted the fact that unless doctors start doing the house calls thing again, I will have to wait. And two, I will predictably walk around in my doctor's waiting room and find myself sifting through his collection of magazines and maybe find one that I can read while I'm waiting.
The reading part is no trouble. I took to reading in grade school quickly. But the finding a magazine. A current magazine. Is the primary area of concern for me. For in every doctor's office I've ever visited. And had to wait in their waiting room. I've yet to find an upgraded. Current magazine. Have you? If you have found a doctor's waiting room with such a magazine, would you be good enough to pass along the location? So I can visit this doctor and enjoy my wait with a current magazine. That's not asking for much. Is it?
If worse comes to worse "I" would even purchase, out of my own pocket, a current subscription to any magazine this doctor of yours chooses. And I would even do the same for my doctors I see on a regular basis. I don't see what the big deal is here. Money is made for using wisely. And for me, a current subscription to a popular. Timely. And informative magazine is using money wisely. Don't you agree? And ladies, I am not just talking about magazines that us guys love to read. Such as: Sports Illustrated; Mechanics Illustrated and Field and Stream. I would gladly buy a subscription to magazines you like. Such as: Redbook; Us; People: Modern Woman; "O" and more. Just say the word and I will whip out my checkbook and help put a stop to this literary 'menace' that can cause harm if not stopped in its tracks.
What harm are you talking about Kenneth? You ask. You did ask, didn't you? Don't tell me that the voices in my head are back. The harm that this Mysterious Outdated Magazine Crisis could cause are possibly some of the listings below:
- False information for young children. If your toddler picks up a magazine that has John F. Kennedy's photo inside, this little one will think that Kennedy is still our president. See what I am talking about?
- Ad Confusion for people who do not get out in public that much. And there are those among us who enjoy a 'hermit life,' but when they are forced to see a doctor and pick up a magazine with an ad for a Ford automobile selling for $4500.00, then there will be trouble for whatever Ford dealer they visit.
- Heartbreak about some famous movie or television idol passing away. Just imagine the heartbreak that the person reading the outdated magazine will suffer when they read about their favorite celebrity not being with us anymore.
- Dangerous over-the-counter-drug ads found in outdated magazines. Just what if the outdated magazine reader believes that the herb drug they see in an ad in this outdated magazine is true. And what's worse. They set out on a quest to find this herb medicine that's being called a 'wonder drug.'
- And the tears of sadness that will be shed if the same reader reads of a certain television show they like that has been suddenly cancelled.
There are lots more harmful things that this Mysterious Outdated Magazine Crisis could do, but I don't want to bore you with a longer list that might frighten you. I have some compassion on people. I want my friends when they visit their doctor to not only be treated and then recover, but be updated. Upgraded on current events they can find only in updated magazines.
Can you imagine this sick person named, "Rosco," who suffers from massive sneezing episodes going to see his doctor and having to wait a few hours. Then reads. And absorbs every word of a political-related story in an outdated magazine? Harmful is not a proper description. Humiliating. Embarrassing. Leap to mind here. "Rosco," sees his doctor. Leaves the clinc. Then stops off at his favorite coffee shop hang-out, "Millie's Chat 'N Chew," and finds himself in a friendly discussion about who is better, a Republican or Democrat? "Rosco," takes long swig of his Maxwell House coffee, swaggers up to the counter where the two fellows discussing this subject are sitting, and says, "Well if you ask me, I think that Dwight D. Eisenhower is doing a swell job of running our country," and the two men look at "Rosco" in disbelief. And thoughts of him not being mentally-stable enter their minds. "Rosco," without his knowledge, has been the unwilling victim of The Mysterious Outdated Magazine Crisis. And doesn't bother to wonder why the two men suddenly had to leave the cafe.
What happened to "Rosco," can easily happen to you or I if we aren't careful. We just need to be not so assuming that the doctor we are seeing has updated magazines. We need to be on our guards to make sure that what we read is factual. Current. Up to date. We don't have to make a huge fuss about the doctor only providing us with outdated magazines, he (or she) has enough on his (or her) mind without us causing them more mental grief.
Here are a few of my personal opinions on why The Mysterious Outdated Magazine Crisis has found solid roots in our doctor's waiting rooms across the nation:
- Financial Burden? Is the doctor who provides outdated magazines financially-burdened to the point of only having outdated magazines? As much money as the doctor makes, it only stands to reason they should have updated magazines in my thinking.
- Communist Conspiracy? I hate to go off on the extinct Cold War of the 50's, but just maybe a foreign country who is secretly ruled by exiled Communists are forcing America's doctors to use outdated magazines as a way to brainwash our young people and then be able to take over our country without one shot.
- Memory Problems? Could it be that as much as these doctors have had to study. Learn. And remember, that they have developed an undetectable memory problem in relation to keeping their magazine subscriptions updated? This might be possible.
- Our Problem? Just maybe the doctors with outdated magazines in their waiting rooms are not aware that we are having to read old. Antiquated magazines. Maybe you or I should approach the doctor's office manager in a discreet manner and simply suggest that his or her boss update the waiting room magazines. After all, doctors, no matter how talented they are, are not Superman.
And with this hub being finished, we have our work cut out for us. We must start our own neighborhood-to-neighborhood, town-to-town, county-to-county, state-to-state campaign and then a surging nationwide team-effort to rid our valued doctors waiting rooms of this gloating menace, The Mysterious Outdated Magazine Crisis.
But as a favor to me, if you find any original Archie comic books, do not destroy them. I'd like to have them as a medal. A purple heart. For my humble efforts in this skirmish that will ultimately make our doctor's waiting rooms a more-pleasant place to wait. And read.
Want to learn more?
This hub is
Sincerely Dedicated to:
for his inspiration, humorous and logical thinking, and suggesting something that I find so truthful: Why do successful doctors not have current magazines in their waiting rooms.
Maybe this hub will raise awareness of this 'silent epidemic' that has swept the waiting rooms of our nation's gifted medical doctors.
This is a comedy-based hub. And has nothing at all to with health-related issues that concern men and women.