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Name that dog. But don't waste too much time on it.

Updated on August 13, 2013

The dognamez website offers a tool to help you find dog names based on on their meaning. For example, type “brave” in the box and you get a list of 31 names, from Aimery to Wyatt, with their meanings and gender. Aimery means “bravery and power”, for example. And who is going to name a dog Aimery? That's even dumber than the names they inflict on kids these days. Wyatt? Maybe. Not.

Exactly why does a person need an internet site to figure out a dog's name? Before the internet, people just named their dogs Rex, Ranger or Spot, which took all of two minutes, and then they plopped back down in front of the TV.

Remember, it's just a dog. Everyone loves their dog. They coddle and dote over the little mutt, put up with its incessant chewing and drooling and fret when the dog visits the vet. Eventually the dog dies, and the owner grieves. Two weeks later he shows up at work saying, “I got the cutest little puppy,” and the previous pet is history.

So, who cares what you name your dog? Do you really think your friends and coworkers give one whit? (What is a whit, anyway? “A very small part or amount,” says my dictionary. Funny thing … it rhymes with another thing that people don't give.)

What to name this noble creature?
What to name this noble creature? | Source

Home of the Brave

Back to the proposed dog name, Aimery. Bravery and power. Nice. You're giving this name to a puppy, which may or may not grow up to be brave and powerful. And forget about giving this name to a Poodle or Chihuahua. Dogs named Aimery aren't allowed to hide under the bed.

How about Reynard? That means “brave counsel”. I don't anticipate seeking counsel from my pet, unless he's passed the bar exam, and I can't afford to send him through law school.

Barend? That's German. I was thinking of another word: stupid. Who's going to name a dog Barend unless he walks backwards? The dog, not the owner. Which reminds me of a very old joke.

Truth in Labeling

In case you're wondering, I entered “stupid” and found no names. However, with some quick research—damn, the internet is great—I found the name Baka, which is Japanese for “fool” or “idiot”. That's a pretty nice sounding name, too. “Sit, Baka! Sit!” Of course, a dog that dumb might think you said something else, in which case you'd best spread some newspaper out on the floor.

For the females, particularly the bossy ones, there are 15 names meaning “queen”. Cute. This hairy animal is the queen of your house. Come to think of it, you're the dog's servant, despite your quaint notion that you're its owner, so these names have some potential. Rajni is Sanskrit for “radiant queen”. Sweet! I don't recall a dog I'd describe as radiant, however. If you have, well, I'm sorry for you.

Looking at the list of basic dog descriptors on this website, I see lots of words like faith, wisdom, knight. Fine stuff. I don't see any words like slobber, stink or crap. This is because dog names don't reflect reality. They represent expectations, or more accurately, projections. The owner of a new puppy has already decided that it will be a noble, brave creature that holds its head high. He won't recall these lofty thoughts when the dog keeps him up all night barking at the moon. Now, there's nobility for you.

The great warrior in action.
The great warrior in action. | Source

They Never Learn

And what does the owner learn from all this? The dog dies, and when the owner finally has a chance to remain unencumbered by a hairy, panting beast, he gets another dog and endures 15 more years of servitude to a dumb animal, causing me to wonder just which of you is smarter.

At least a dog may display fealty and listen to you. Don't get me started on cats ...

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    • Cara.R profile image

      Cara.R 5 years ago from New York

      I suppose you can say that about some pet owners. I had a hard time naming my dog. Then My sister picked something and it stuck. One thing I didn't do is go and adopt another dog when my dog died three months ago. But dogs are smart and can be taught, so can cats but don't get me going on cats ;)

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