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New Year's Resolutions For 2014
Everything Stays the Same, Except What Doesn't
When I think about the new year that is upon us I can't help but think about the cliche idea of New Year's Resolutions. Since I was very young I would always think of resolutions that would better my life--usually by losing weight--and always, always by the end of the first or second week I'd be back to my "old" self. Well, the self that I had been before I had tried to hope for a better life. As it turns out, hoping and having hope isn't enough in and of itself to lose weight, learn a new language (Spanish), or play an instrument (Violin, Guitar, Harmonica, Ocarina, Piano). I think though that what I've learned most from my failures is that my life cannot easily change merely because it is a new year as if my own speedometer rolled over and I was given another chance. It's not a numbers game, it isn't about waiting for that perfect day or date or holiday or occasion. It isn't about saying 'Okay, as soon as such and such happens I'll finally diet' or 'On my birthday I'll finally start jogging'. These are crutches for people who will never truly be ready to change their lives.
And that is why writing this article on January 1st, 2014 is hypocritical--because I know, even as I write this and set my own resolutions down that I am doomed to failure simply because I couldn't be bothered to change before now. I'm very fat and have been all my life and if I haven't gotten thin yet, what should the difference of a stupid number make? Which is why this year I'm going to be trying something a little different. Just a little bit. Since the more I try to change, the more my life pushes back I'm going to make small changes and hope my life won't put up as much of a fight.
Everything stays the same. No learning a new language, no trying to play an instrument, no scouring dating site after dating site trying to find a soulmate. I'm just going to do one thing differently. I'm going to try to be more mature. I'm going to try to act my age and hope that the rest of my problems will just naturally fix themselves--or failing that, I'll have so many more positive things going on in my life that the negatives won't seem so bad.
I will resolve in the year 2014 to be more mature. This means I will eat what I ought to eat, not what I want to. I will do what edifies my mind, not merely what satisfies it. I'll try to learn a new language but I'll probably fail and that's okay. I may try to learn to play the guitar but if I get a chance I'll happily sell it instead. And if I get offered a job I'll take it regardless of what it is. I will take this year to become who I already should have been. I'll become who I was meant to be and someone who my parents would have hopefully been proud of.
In reality however, my resolutions are a little more concrete than that. I intend to go on a diet--no, a lifestyle change--and eat properly/healthily. I also intend to exercise an hour a day, whatever that may be. I don't want to tie myself down to some awful training regimen that I will feel like quitting the second day into it. Just walking around my apartment for an hour is fine enough because doing anything is better than nothing.
Somewhere Between Here and There
The idea when I decided to write this article was that the internet would be my accountability partner and that if the next year came and I had broken my resolutions I would have to be held accountable when writing about 2015's New Year's Resolutions. Of course the problem with that is that you're all faceless strangers. And not only that, you're few. Very few. This is a very small, almost completely unknown blog, and no one here will keep me accountable.
I very much feel like I am stuck somewhere between where I am right now--where I feel I'll forever remain--and some unforeseen beautiful future that I can only see glimpses of and only if I close my eyes really tight. I can't rely on anyone else to change my life and therefore this whole article is a farce, merely some silly English writing prompt for the philosophical to wax upon. I just hope that by the end of the year I'm 'there' and not still stuck over here where I've always been. Jesus began His ministry at the age of 30 and became Savior of the World in three years. I'm certainly not comparing myself to Jesus because that would be the height of blasphemy. However, if He can do that--I feel I'm wasting my life by not at the very least living it to its fullest potential.
Now For You
This is my personal journey, my struggle, my cross to bear if you want to use a metaphor that is probably a little sacrilegious. But we all have our own crosses to bear--be it dieting, quitting smoking, finding a job, or anything really. Just because we aren't carrying the world on our shoulders doesn't mean our burdens are any less tough to bare. It's a new year and maybe it isn't going to be the magical new beginning you had hoped for. Maybe even with the best of intentions you fall off the wagon after a few days or a few weeks. But it's not about succeeding all the time--it's about succeeding one day at a time. And then at the end of the year when you're looking back you can hopefully say that you had more days where you succeeded than where you failed. And that right there will be the greatest success.
I know this is a fledgling blog and I doubt anyone will read this let alone comment, but that doesn't mean you can't be the first! Write your own resolutions down--but be honest with yourself and only do what you know you can do--and this will be your own stone testament and we'll all be your accountability partners. And if you found this article a bit too ah, schmaltzy I apologize for that but this is the time of year I find myself the most schmaltzy.