Newscast For Hubbers #4: "It's That Time Agin"
Y'all Wanted The Best, But Ya Got Me Instead!
Golly, there's sho a lot of ya all out there! Last week was a record for this newscast. Seems like people like ta have a good laugh on Monday mornin', 'sides lookin' at the kidz knowin' thay gonna be in skool all week long!
But, wha' wud we do witout kidz? Mo' damn werk, that's wha'! Since muh kidz been old enuff, they've been feedin' tha dawgs, washin' tha dishes, doin' ahronin' en washin' muh truck, all 'fore skool! Oughtta see 'em run ta the skool bus when it pulls up!
Anyway, nuff chawin', it's time fer tha nooze!
Randy Travis Issued Assault Citation Following Fight in Church Parking Lot
Sonovabitch got hisself arrested AGIN! Randy, this ain't no damn song on tha radio, it's real life! Fer the third time this month, ol' Randy was drunk and cudn't stay home.
Drove by this church and saw a couple havin' a spat. So, Randy stops en sticks his nose in where it don't belong. Guy finally got fed up when Randy pushed him en gave ol' Randy a boxin' lesson! Course, Randy was drunk en outta line, so, he goes ta jail.
Boy, ya gotta learn ta stay home when ya drinkin'!
Before And After
Cuba To Florida Swim Attempt Fails
Diana Nyad tried ta show ev'ryone how good she was at swimmin', since ev'ryone liked the 'lympic swimmin' so much. Kind ov "ride the wave" ta success thing. Didn't werk! Had all sorts of trouble with jellyfish en things. Thought Ah'd sing ta ya wat happened.....
"Here's a story, 'bout a lovely lady, who wanted to swim from Cuba ta Florida,
Here's a story, 'bout a jelly fish, who said, "Ain't no way that gonna happen, woman!"
Guess Who Won! Damn straight! En the motto is:
DON'T SCREW AROUND WITH A JELLY FISH!!
Kenny The Clown Had Late Steve Jobs' Stolen iPad
Well, that there ded fella, Steve Jobs, done been robbed. Sumone broke inta his old house and took a bunch of his stuff. All that money and sonova bitch didn't have no watch dawg!
Anyway, the thief gave oneov them there I-Pads ta this guy called Kenny The Clown, who's really a clown! Anyway, this Kenny guy finally figures out sumthin may not be right with this gift, coz no one ever give him an I-Pad before. So, he gits ta checkin' and finds out it belonged to Steve Jobs.
Guess he got scered coz he turned it in and told the cops who gave it ta him. Yep, cops caught 'em real fast. Just goes ta show ya, clowns don't like clowns either!
Presidential Candidates Say, "We Believe Kenny!" And, Clowns DO Love Clowns!
Mark David Chapman, John Lennon's Killer, Denied Parole For 7th Time In NY
Sonovabitch kin stay in jail forever!
How Hairy Is Prince Harry, Very Or Barely?
Prince Harry Meets With The Queen Following Vegas Escapade
Princie Harry done been a bad boy. He really believed that crap about what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! So, pretendin' ta be Randy Travis, he got nekked in front of a bunch of people! Pissed off the Queen sumthin' fierce! Well, she calls him up en tells him to get his bare butt home so she kin chew it out!
I kin jes hear it now...
"What were you doing getting naked? Aren't you aware you're royalty and represent Great Britain when you travel?"
"Yes, your Queen Majesty, "
"Well, lets see it! I wish to see how you represented us! Take off your pants"
"Yes, your Queen Majesty, "
"Oh, my! You're definitely not a "Great" Britain. Please keep your pants on!"
Po' boy needs some ham hocks en grits! Oh, en sum damn pants!
Is Harry The Illegitamate Child Of Donny Most?"
Porn Trade Group Fears Syphilis Outbreak, Calls On Industry To Halt Shooting
Sum ov them folks that make all them dirty movies like thay show down at tha Love Nest Hotel wants ev'ry one of them pernagropey movie actors in tha country ta stop doin' wha thay do best... screwin' around!
Seems oneov 'em had Sissyfuss! Now, a lot of 'em been gittin' it! So, time ta stop awhile till it goes away!
Anyone fer checkers?!
I'm really gittin' tared of this, folks!
No, I didn't have anything to do with Diana Nyad not completing her swim. Do you think I'm a jelly fish? I'm A Shark! Leave Me Alone!
American Sports Hero Sez Enuff Is Enuff
Lance Armstrong To Lose Tour de France Titles, Be Banned For Life After Ending Defense
Seems old Lance Armstrong en the USADA (Always Stupid / Always Dumb Asses) have been fightin' fer years about iffin' he did or iffin' he didn't take sum of those drugs ta make ya do better. Thay'd 'bout run this guy outta money takin' him ta court all tha time. So, he finally sez he ain't gonna fight them no mo'. So now, these asses gonna take all his medals he won and stuff. Ain't hardly right. He passed ev'ry test he was ever given, and thay still gonna take away ev'rything. Like ta introduce them all to the FITFA (Fist In Tha Face Assoc.) and the FUTBA (Foot Up The Butt Assoc.). See how thay like them initials!
Decided On ...
Microsoft Facelift: New Logo Unveiled
Well, Microsoft, ya kno', tha guys that make all that money changin' 'puter systems all tha time so's yer old programs don't werk no mo' en ya gots ta buy new one's iffin' ya want ta still use the programs tha don't werk anymo', is changin' their corrupt... oops, corporate logo. The old wun had been around since 1987. Wun ov their exect's let out that Apple did a fine job ov designin' it fer 'em, since tha cudn't find an updated program that'd wer with the new Windows 8 opratin' system thays gittin' ready ta come out wit!
Naw, he really didn't say that. I jes thought ah'd throw that in coz ah'm ticked off that ah can't play Piccadilly Jim no mo'!
And, Last But Not Least....
Camel Survives Car Crash
Okay, so I'm not a shark. That don't mean I'm not tough! Let's see ya have a shark git hit by a car en see how he ends up! That's right! I'm Bad.... I'm Bad!!
That's about it fer now....
Folks, iffin' ya like tha way this newscast is goin' ah ask ya ta pulese comment below.
Sho' hope y'all had a good time taday! There was so much nooze this week, it was hard ta pick out wha' y'all wud like! Hope y'all happy en smilin' ta start tha week!
Anyway, y'all got things ta do. Get back on those 'puters and send out those hubs en comments of bull.....er praise! Ah'll be back wit 'nother edition ov tha nooze next Monday!
SMILE!!! IT'S CONTAGEOUS!!!
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