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Newscast For Hubbers #4: "It's That Time Agin"

Updated on May 6, 2017

Y'all Wanted The Best, But Ya Got Me Instead!

Golly, there's sho a lot of ya all out there! Last week was a record for this newscast. Seems like people like ta have a good laugh on Monday mornin', 'sides lookin' at the kidz knowin' thay gonna be in skool all week long!

But, wha' wud we do witout kidz? Mo' damn werk, that's wha'! Since muh kidz been old enuff, they've been feedin' tha dawgs, washin' tha dishes, doin' ahronin' en washin' muh truck, all 'fore skool! Oughtta see 'em run ta the skool bus when it pulls up!

Anyway, nuff chawin', it's time fer tha nooze!

Randy, Oh Randy, This ain't no damn song.  This drunkeness crap has gone on way too long.  It's time to get straight, leave the demon behind.  Randy, oh Randy, don't you know that it's time?
Randy, Oh Randy, This ain't no damn song. This drunkeness crap has gone on way too long. It's time to get straight, leave the demon behind. Randy, oh Randy, don't you know that it's time? | Source

Randy Travis Issued Assault Citation Following Fight in Church Parking Lot

Sonovabitch got hisself arrested AGIN! Randy, this ain't no damn song on tha radio, it's real life! Fer the third time this month, ol' Randy was drunk and cudn't stay home.

Drove by this church and saw a couple havin' a spat. So, Randy stops en sticks his nose in where it don't belong. Guy finally got fed up when Randy pushed him en gave ol' Randy a boxin' lesson! Course, Randy was drunk en outta line, so, he goes ta jail.

Boy, ya gotta learn ta stay home when ya drinkin'!

Before And After

Weren't too purdy 'fore startin' out, en sho wadn't purdy when they hauled her wet butt outta tha water!"
Weren't too purdy 'fore startin' out, en sho wadn't purdy when they hauled her wet butt outta tha water!" | Source

Cuba To Florida Swim Attempt Fails

Diana Nyad tried ta show ev'ryone how good she was at swimmin', since ev'ryone liked the 'lympic swimmin' so much. Kind ov "ride the wave" ta success thing. Didn't werk! Had all sorts of trouble with jellyfish en things. Thought Ah'd sing ta ya wat happened.....

"Here's a story, 'bout a lovely lady, who wanted to swim from Cuba ta Florida,

Here's a story, 'bout a jelly fish, who said, "Ain't no way that gonna happen, woman!"

Guess Who Won! Damn straight! En the motto is:

DON'T SCREW AROUND WITH A JELLY FISH!!

Condoms anyone?
Condoms anyone? | Source

Kenny The Clown Had Late Steve Jobs' Stolen iPad

Well, that there ded fella, Steve Jobs, done been robbed. Sumone broke inta his old house and took a bunch of his stuff. All that money and sonova bitch didn't have no watch dawg!

Anyway, the thief gave oneov them there I-Pads ta this guy called Kenny The Clown, who's really a clown! Anyway, this Kenny guy finally figures out sumthin may not be right with this gift, coz no one ever give him an I-Pad before. So, he gits ta checkin' and finds out it belonged to Steve Jobs.

Guess he got scered coz he turned it in and told the cops who gave it ta him. Yep, cops caught 'em real fast. Just goes ta show ya, clowns don't like clowns either!

Presidential Candidates Say, "We Believe Kenny!" And, Clowns DO Love Clowns!

We were both considering him as a vice-presidential running mate, but we weren't sure if he could connect with the common man, like we do!
We were both considering him as a vice-presidential running mate, but we weren't sure if he could connect with the common man, like we do!
Imagine that you got out, It's easy if you try, Imagine all the people, wanting you to fry,  Imagine all the people, hanging you up high!
Imagine that you got out, It's easy if you try, Imagine all the people, wanting you to fry, Imagine all the people, hanging you up high! | Source

Mark David Chapman, John Lennon's Killer, Denied Parole For 7th Time In NY



Good!

Sonovabitch kin stay in jail forever!

How Hairy Is Prince Harry, Very Or Barely?

Least the corner pocket is clear fer now of the royal balls.  Ah'll let y'all count the balls on the table, though.
Least the corner pocket is clear fer now of the royal balls. Ah'll let y'all count the balls on the table, though. | Source

Prince Harry Meets With The Queen Following Vegas Escapade

Ain't Staying In Vegas No Mo'
Ain't Staying In Vegas No Mo' | Source

Princie Harry done been a bad boy. He really believed that crap about what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas! So, pretendin' ta be Randy Travis, he got nekked in front of a bunch of people! Pissed off the Queen sumthin' fierce! Well, she calls him up en tells him to get his bare butt home so she kin chew it out!

I kin jes hear it now...

"What were you doing getting naked? Aren't you aware you're royalty and represent Great Britain when you travel?"

"Yes, your Queen Majesty, "

"Well, lets see it! I wish to see how you represented us! Take off your pants"

"Yes, your Queen Majesty, "

"Oh, my! You're definitely not a "Great" Britain. Please keep your pants on!"

Po' boy needs some ham hocks en grits! Oh, en sum damn pants!

Is Harry The Illegitamate Child Of Donny Most?"

Although Donny Most swears he never messed 'round in England after his "Happy Days" fame, y'all be the judge!  Amazing, ain't it?
Although Donny Most swears he never messed 'round in England after his "Happy Days" fame, y'all be the judge! Amazing, ain't it?
STRIP CHECKERS!!  Just ta hold ya until filming starts agin!
STRIP CHECKERS!! Just ta hold ya until filming starts agin! | Source

Porn Trade Group Fears Syphilis Outbreak, Calls On Industry To Halt Shooting

Sum ov them folks that make all them dirty movies like thay show down at tha Love Nest Hotel wants ev'ry one of them pernagropey movie actors in tha country ta stop doin' wha thay do best... screwin' around!

Seems oneov 'em had Sissyfuss! Now, a lot of 'em been gittin' it! So, time ta stop awhile till it goes away!

Anyone fer checkers?!

I'm really gittin' tared of this, folks!

Source



No, I didn't have anything to do with Diana Nyad not completing her swim. Do you think I'm a jelly fish? I'm A Shark! Leave Me Alone!

American Sports Hero Sez Enuff Is Enuff

We All Kno' No One's Perfect, But This Guy Worked His Butt Off Winin' En It Jes Ain't Right!
We All Kno' No One's Perfect, But This Guy Worked His Butt Off Winin' En It Jes Ain't Right!

Lance Armstrong To Lose Tour de France Titles, Be Banned For Life After Ending Defense

Seems old Lance Armstrong en the USADA (Always Stupid / Always Dumb Asses) have been fightin' fer years about iffin' he did or iffin' he didn't take sum of those drugs ta make ya do better. Thay'd 'bout run this guy outta money takin' him ta court all tha time. So, he finally sez he ain't gonna fight them no mo'. So now, these asses gonna take all his medals he won and stuff. Ain't hardly right. He passed ev'ry test he was ever given, and thay still gonna take away ev'rything. Like ta introduce them all to the FITFA (Fist In Tha Face Assoc.) and the FUTBA (Foot Up The Butt Assoc.). See how thay like them initials!

Considered...

Decided On ...

Microsoft Facelift: New Logo Unveiled

Well, Microsoft, ya kno', tha guys that make all that money changin' 'puter systems all tha time so's yer old programs don't werk no mo' en ya gots ta buy new one's iffin' ya want ta still use the programs tha don't werk anymo', is changin' their corrupt... oops, corporate logo. The old wun had been around since 1987. Wun ov their exect's let out that Apple did a fine job ov designin' it fer 'em, since tha cudn't find an updated program that'd wer with the new Windows 8 opratin' system thays gittin' ready ta come out wit!

Naw, he really didn't say that. I jes thought ah'd throw that in coz ah'm ticked off that ah can't play Piccadilly Jim no mo'!

And, Last But Not Least....

Camel Survives Car Crash

Okay, so I'm not a shark. That don't mean I'm not tough! Let's see ya have a shark git hit by a car en see how he ends up! That's right! I'm Bad.... I'm Bad!!

That's about it fer now....

Folks, iffin' ya like tha way this newscast is goin' ah ask ya ta pulese comment below.

Sho' hope y'all had a good time taday! There was so much nooze this week, it was hard ta pick out wha' y'all wud like! Hope y'all happy en smilin' ta start tha week!

Anyway, y'all got things ta do. Get back on those 'puters and send out those hubs en comments of bull.....er praise! Ah'll be back wit 'nother edition ov tha nooze next Monday!

SMILE!!! IT'S CONTAGEOUS!!!


┬ęCopyright RCRUMPLE2012. All Rights Reserved

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    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      lol..richard, love the way you give this hub a spice.

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      unknown spy -

      Good Morning! You beat me to the punch, coffee's not ready yet or I'd offer you a cup!

      All ahm doin' is reportin' tha nooze tha ways ah see it! I'm just happy that I could provide you with a smile to start off your week!

      Thanks so much for coming by! Much Appreciated!

    • Rui Carreira profile image

      Rui Carreira 4 years ago from Torres Novas

      Rcrumple... you're just awesome.

      I read all your hubs and they always lighten up my work day. Keep up the good work my friend. You've got personality and that's a rare quality for a writer - it shouldn't be this way I know, but people focus on the earnings and lose track of what's important.

      Anyway, I loved it and voted up. Once again, you're awesome mate

      Hugs from Portugal,

      Your friend,

      Carreira

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Carreira -

      Good day to you, sir!

      It's good to know that I can be of some service. lol Actually, I'm more concerned about making people happy than the earnings factor. People have always been much more important to me than greed. A smile on a person's face that I had something to do with is worth a million dollars!

      Many thanks for your comments and kind words! Much appreciated!

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      Good morning Dear Sir,

      You have been summoned by the Queen of 'Great' Britain to give an explanation for your comment regarding Prince Harry! And you better be there! (Now read this with a typical Queen's English, Haha)

      LOL, great piece! Enjoyed it as usual, and my jaws are still hurtin fom readin that dam Sothen accent' ... :))

      Voting up and awesome as usual!!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      LaThing -

      Good Morning!

      Which comment would that be? My dear, I only report it the way I see it. Perhaps, if the Queen Mother would like to supply me with a new pair of glasses, a view could be seen. Nawww!! Good to see you smile!

      Really appreciate your comments! Many Thanks!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Great Nooze as usual, Richard. I must say that Kenny is one honest clown. And I'm sure Diana won't get along so well with jellyfish after this! LOL, and your southern take on it makes the news more enjoyable. Cool stuff!! Thanks Richard, voting up and away!

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      Hey, so you do speak Queen's English!! I can just hear you now...... :))

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Michelle -

      Good to see you!

      It's so good to see you smiling this morning. Especially after your ride your hub describes so beautifully! Btw... how short is that dress? lol

      Thanks for stopping in! Much appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      LaThing -

      I'm afraid the Queen would have more than my crown jewels in the tower if she got wind of this one! Can you say, diplomatic immunity...please?

      Have a Great Day!

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      Hahahaha..... Ok, enough for today, CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

      =))

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      LaThing -

      Yes, you definitely look better smiling!

      Many Thanks! : )

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      All I can say is thank you yet again for the comedic relief on my Monday morning. Seriously Richard this series is gold and awesome. Loved all of it, especially Randy Travis and good ole' Prince Harry. Hve of course voted up, shared and tweeted too!!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Janine -

      Good Morning! How about some coffee?

      I'm glad you enjoyed it! Randy's making it easy for me, what can I say? And, Harry Most...oops, Prince Harry has to be one not to pass on. lol

      I appreciate you stopping in and voting! Many Thanks!

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Glad I got my news for the day. Very interesting for busy writers to get it in one spot. Thanks for sharing all this good and not so good news.

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      Ha. Great way to start a Monday morning. Awesome reporting there. I will be laughing on my whole hour commute this morning. I do not know why CNN has not picked you up? Very clever and funny writing here, and I will have to go back and read the earlier Newscasts! In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Happy Monday Richard!

      I heard that the cops in a nothern Texas town found a truck belonging to Randy Travis. They are still baffled on how it got there and what the heck happened. There could be a latest update, but I haven't heard it.

      Regarding Harry...I say let the boy have some fun! The Queen needs to loosen up a bit. Harry is young and adorable, he should be living it up. You do remember I am a bad influence, correct???

      On to Lance. Ugh. I'm shaking my head (can you hear the rocks)? I'm disappointed, but in the long run I hope he's remembered more for his LiveStrong foundation then riding a bike.

      My news of the week...Keith Urban might become an American Idol judge. Someone please stop that hot mess! He's way to good for that show that they should have pulled the plug on a few years ago. I hope it's just a rumor. Yes...there's money to be made. Yet, I'm all for self respect instead.

      Phew. I feel good (sang to James Brown!) Thanks for the latest news! :)

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Carol -

      Good to see you this morning!

      I hope you enjoyed it!

      Thanks for stopping in! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Faith Reaper -

      Good Morning! Good to see you!

      It's good to know you have a smile on your face. Alas, I'm not pretty enough for CNN. They have this rule against bib overalls I just can't abide by! lol

      Thanks so much for commenting! Much Appreciated!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Linda =

      Good morning, Sunshine! (Wow, that takes me back to a song by Oliver)

      I've heard of no naked hitchhikers being picked up, so my guess is that Randy's not involved in this one. I'd say Harry showed everyone his fun, and a whole lot more! lol Lance is the result of a witch hunt, and if Keith Urban judges American Idol, it will be another judge I've missed seeing, like the last two dozen! lol

      Thanks for the comments! Have a Great Monday!

    • profile image

      Sunnie Day 4 years ago

      Oh My Goodness...this was so funny...news will never be the same..shoot I don't think I will have to watch the news any more..I will just wait to read every Monday here...You put a smile on this face and I am still giggling bout the jelly fish. Poor Prince Henry...and Lance I have no words..I love Lance...it saddens me..I am still in denial..oh and good ole Randy...what was he thinkin? Thank you RC for a great write, so entertaining..

      Happy Monday,

      Sunnie

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sunnie -

      It's a brighter day now that I've seen you!

      I'm so glad you liked this one! It really makes me feel good to know a smile has been created by this hub! I sometimes believe Randy has stopped thinking. It's a shame what booze can do to a person. Guess I'll have to sing about it..... Nawww!!

      Have a Great Monday! Many Thanks!

    • profile image

      Sunshine 4 years ago

      Rich your news coverage is wonderful, amazing and so you!! will keep you as my TRUE news source!! So, till next time, Im loving you as always!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sunshine -

      Thanks so much for your comment!

      To be honest, I'm a little overwhelmed and very humbled by your compliments! Gee, I'm speechless! lol

      Many Thanks!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      Well, I have to rely on you for my news cause I gave up cable TV, you know! When I saw that photo of Prince Harry, all I could think of is: I'm glad I wasn't behind him! What a view that would be!! And poor Lance...I kinda feel sorry for him..he was stripped, too, right??

      Once again, thanks for the laugh, and keep them coming, OK?

    • Alecia Murphy profile image

      Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

      A clown stole Steve Jobs possessions? That's so ridiculous it's never going to be funny. And poor Randy Travis just needs to go to rehab before he does something even more ridiculous. Great hub!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Mary -

      Good Morning!

      I do hope you've another source for news! Mine's only weekly! lol Yes, if you enlarge the photo, there were some faces behind his behind that exhibit the same feelings as you! lol

      Thanks for coming by and commenting, Mary! Always good to see you!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Alecia -

      How are you doing this morning?

      Actually, there was fear that Kenny would be charged with receiving stolen property as the thief was caught. However, I've seen no update to that occurring. And poor Randy is headed that direction for sure! But, until he does, we may be seeing him again! lol

      Thanks for coming by! Much appreciated!

    • Sally's Trove profile image

      Sherri 4 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Yours is the only news I read anymore. Everybody else's is sooooo boring!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Sherri -

      Good Morning, my dear!

      I'm so happy you like my efforts! My goal is to provide you with something to smile about. Perhaps the day will go better because of that! : )

      Thank you so much for stopping in and commenting! Much Appreciated!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I love the British royalty; they never fail to provide me with a laugh....and the same can be said for you. Wonderful laughs to begin my day buddy; thank you!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Bill -

      Good Morning, my friend!

      Royalty is always fun to provoke and prod. But, I'm humbled by your compliment, kind sir.

      Glad you enjoyed! The door's always open!

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      Ok - not only the content, but the pictures today made this hilarious. The picture of Harry playing pool will be in my brain all day. And seriously, Randy Travis needs help and I think I've heard enough about Diana Nyad. I was almost (but not quite) rooting for the jellyfish. Maybe next time Diana. Great hub!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Gimmer -

      Good Morning!

      So happy I could help you laugh this morning! The photos were good this week and easy to come by. My favorite hasn't been mentioned yet, but that may be because everyone sees the Presidential candidates as clowns anyway!

      Good to have you stop by! Many Thanks!

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Oh You made my day again!!! Richard so funny.. laughing out load on the floor rolling.. Ha Ha... I loved them all the best was the Prince caught naked in Vegas playing pool... LOL...

      sharing my friend

      debbie

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Deborah -

      It's so good to see you smile again!

      I'm glad you enjoyed this little thing. It's a lot of fun putting together, even though it is a lot of work. It's all worth it to see people smile!

      Thanks so much for coming by! Much appreciated!

    • bac2basics profile image

      Anne 4 years ago from Spain

      Hi Rich. If the real news was as funny as your hubs, and the real newscasters allowed to comment or even show their feelings on their faces...wouldn´t that be good ? Loved the dig at Microsoft...don´t they just deserve it. Great nooz once again :)

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      bac2basics -

      Good to see you today!

      Everyone has to make money, but the way Microsoft does it is not fair to the consumer. "Buy our product, which we'll make unusabe in a few years, and then buy it again" is simply the business philosophy of a monopoly that doesn't care about its customers. Glad you enjoyed the news and I could make you smile! : )

      I appreciate your comments and compliments! Many Thanks!

    • Patty Kenyon profile image

      Patty Kenyon 4 years ago from Ledyard, Connecticut

      ROFL, I do enjoy the weekly news and I absolutely loved the caption under Mark David Chapman Section!!! Imagine is my absolute favorite song and I really enjoyed your twist...LOL

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 4 years ago from California

      So funny! The TMZ of the hubset--I guffawed!

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

      You are a crack up. Audrey is right, you are like the Hub TMZ :) Great work :)

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Patty -

      Good evening!

      So good to see you here! Don't have a lot of mercy for this gentleman (I cringe at calling him that). Glad you liked it!

      Again, happy you could come by! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Audrey -

      How are you tonight?

      I glad I could bring a smile to your face! It means a lot to see y'all smile!

      I appreciate your comments! Many Thanks!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Julie -

      Glad you could make it!

      I'm going to have to watch myself if that's the case. Pretty soon, I'll have all the Huff's commentors if I don't watch out! lol

      Thanks so much for coming by! Much Appreciated!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Great stuff! Thank you

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Mh -

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Your words mean much, believe me!

      Have a Great Day, or night, my friend!

      Many Thanks!

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 4 years ago

      All is said and done! Illegitimate son?? That could've been a tale froma Happy day ending for Lady D.? This TMZ hub is getting over the limit. Thanks for the chuckles and ole great news from some stars, not so shining through!

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Lord De Cross -

      Thank you for stopping in!

      Perhaps I need to pull the reins back somewhat..... nawww! I can always blame it on a shark.

      I appreciate you coming by and commenting! Many Thanks!

    • profile image

      ignugent17 4 years ago

      Rich-

      Another day of laughter thank you! I really enjoyed reading it .

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Meldz -

      Thanks for stopping in!

      It pleases me to see you smile. Glad this could assist you there!

      Appreciate your comments! Many Thanks!

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 4 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Rich -- I missed this when it came out, but you know what? It is still hilarious two weeks later and on a Tuesday evening. Great stuff...you are really good at this. ~~ Theresa

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Theresa -

      So good to see you tonight!

      I'm glad you were able to catch up! Some of these are running jokes, so they may have a call back in later installments. I'm really happy you liked it!

      I appreciate you commenting! Many Thanks!

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Oh my, this may have been the funniest yet, Rich...

      Donny Most? I had absolutely never seen the family resemblance.

      Maybe the drugs are wearing off, but Randy Travis is ridiculous ugly...and seems to be the focal point of our news.

      Well, maybe not entirely...there is always the Royal Family's body parts on display...but it is all here... That's for dang sure, thanks to you!

      Voted UP and across the board. Hugs, Maria

    • rcrumple profile image
      Author

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Maria -

      You're up early for a Saturday!

      I had a lot of fun with this one. Yes, the family resemblance is remarkable if you look closely. One has to wonder..... I do try to cover as much as I can, but I'll let the royal family do their own covering. lol

      Thanks so much for reading these! Much appreciated!

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