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Nightmare (Short Story)

Updated on September 25, 2012

(This is the first scene to a novel I'm working on... Would like feedback if anyone wants it continued)

"God won't kill me"

The man swam frantically for the shore, windmilling his arms like an old cartoon character.

"God won't kill me"

He reached the shore and began running for the fishing hut. He willed his body against looking behind him, and fought the curiousity in his eyes.

"God won't kill me"

He ran into the hut, closing and locking the door in one solid motion, and pinned himself against the wall on the opposite side.

It had started as a wonderful day for Thomas Brady. He had started his fourth of july weekend early when he had called sick out of work. He threw his canoe up on his boat and gone for a drive. He had seen this lake from the sky on his way back from a business trip...

"God won't kill me"

It started pounding on the door, the wood started to crack... it wouldn't hold much longer. When he arrived, he laughed off the "Swim at your own risk" signs. Drove past the "Turn back now" sign. Thomas didn't see the military signs, or maybe he did, before he ran over it. He pulled up to the waterside, plopped his canoe in and started paddling out towards the middle of the lake.Once he reached the middle he lay in his boat and let it drift around. He smiled as the sound of the water crashing into his boat filled his ears...

The sound of growls and claws tearing at the door ripped the courage from his heart and the hope from his eyes.

His blissful silence was interrupted by a sound even more wonderful. The sound of a young woman giggling. Thomas opened his eyes and followed the noise. Eventually the windows of his soul found something twice as beautiful as a sunset on a like. On the beach, a curvy blonde played in the water, naked.

"Hello there!" he yelled to the bombshell. Instead of screaming or running away as he feared, the girl giggled and waved back. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there!" he half apologized to the girl as he began paddling towards shore. She didn't respond, she just walked into the water and started paddling towards him. Maybe the adult films of his adolescense didn't lie, maybe things like this did happen. He smiled as she dove under feet away from his canoe, revealing her perfect bottom. He took off his shirt and prepared for whatever the lord threw his way. He looked for her to resurface. After a few minutes he began to worry. "Hello?" he called into the darkness. He saw the tan body, several feel under the water. He dove towards her. Her perfect body floated towards him, her eyes shut. He reached for her. Her eyes began to flutter. As he made contact with her her eyes flew open, so did her mouth. The bubbles raced towards the surface as Thomas Brady screamed. He bolted for the surface and started to swim for shore...
The pounding stopped. There was a brief moment where Thomas thought he was saved. Then he was surrounded by the splinters of the cabin door. He looked into the glowing red eyes of his pursuer, he was blinded by the light coming off her razor sharp fangs... All the better to eat him with. She... it... growled at him... and leapt at him.
"God won't kill me?... well this ain't God."

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    • AhalitaMoonfire profile image

      AhalitaMoonfire 4 years ago from Ohio

      So far it looks like it maybe a good story.

      Though with this sentence:

      'He smiled as she dove under feet away from his canoe, revealing her perfect bottom.'

      I had to re-read it a couple times to understand it a bit more, and I found what threw me off, I think it was because you miss a few simple words that threw me for a loop.

      So I think instead of saying,

      'dove under feet away'

      it be better to had it say,

      'dove a few feet away'.

    • efeyas profile image

      efeyas 4 years ago from Some Sunny Beach, USA

      I liked this, voted up. Look foward to reading what happens next!

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