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Unofficial North Korea Tourism Guide. Review of Camping Opportunities for Any Traveler. (Satire)
How can you expect to be a good weather forecaster if you're missing your lapel pin?
Tourism to North Korea Invites 1940's-style European Adventure!
Perhaps there is a better slogan for the North Korean travel posters, but I can't think of one. Maybe they could convey that North Korea will now have superior weather forecasts now that Kim Jong Un has personally visited the official weather predictors to bless them with his unique knowledge regarding meteorology.
He is no longer giving them a pass, because he's recently been informed that some people in the country are not getting enough food.
Now it goes without saying that the only reason for that minor problem of hunger is poor weather forecasts. Farmers rely on precise predictions, and their accuracy must be improved.
It took a red-faced, frustrated, dear Leader to offer field advice to the floundering, diminutive, scrawny officials. They simply lack discipline, the answer to just about all the problems in North Korea. Failure means more hunger in North Korea.
After all, Kim Jong Un has now done everything he could short of predicting the weather himself, which he could do with 100% accuracy. But he's too busy for that. He'll have to use stronger discipline. He won't let their insolence cause famine, that would be unacceptable.
North Korea Welcomes Dennis Rodman and other Drooling American Mad Cows like you!
A Diplomatic Adventure Like No Other
Where else can you go on vacation with the sense of adventure that comes from knowing you could either become a Ruler's friend or prisoner for any strange reason? It's like skydiving over the Whitehouse, you could be shot to pieces or land in the Rose Garden to share a beer with the President. You get a chance to worship the Country's Leader and his "immortal" fathers. Watch as they set tables for hundreds of imaginary guests while starving people remain hidden from view. See a cultural display with 10,000 performers moving in synchronicity because they'd rather not do anything else than please their Dearest Deary Leader. Enjoy the most accurate weather forecasts in the world to plan your vacation perfectly. Wait, no, all the planning will be done for you by your handlers, who will follow your every move during your visit, even while you sleep!
Why Waste Time Planning a Vacation? In North Korea Officials Make Plans For You! Secret Free Campsites Revealed! For Light Travelers on an Extreme Budget.
Journalist, Agent, or on a Mission? No everyday traveler? NK recognizes "You catch on." Expect the UN-expected free upgrade for private VIP treatment!
Seek educational opportunities? The intellectually curious know how a book can change your life. Camp Bukchang offers 16 hours of political ed. daily!
Love animals? Tired of the zoo? Go camping where staff provides an experience being an animal yourself! Sorry guys-ladies only. Hoer-yong Animal Camp!
If you suffer from ADD while visiting, officials observing you will send you to a camp where you learn to concentrate, because "Yo dok too much".
Inspired by reality TV shows such as Survivor and Scared Straight, NK offers a surprise stop at a camping experience so intense, you'll never leave!
Worried about cellular service? Relax! Officials in North Korea have been listening and they heard you! Check out these cells available now!
Security is the Dear Leader's top personal priority. Guards are more important than ever! NK is also an industry leader in "cell tower" construction.
For those love hard work so much they could just die, try camping! NK has the perfect place for you! Hard Labor is the daily fare all day, every day!
Pyongyang, where govt. staff anticipate needs by attending to you 24/7. Officials act on your behalf so relax! It's all taken care of for you in NK!
Disciplined Displays of Genuine Adoration
Now Seriously. Gotta Keep Trying for Peace and Love.
© 2014 Doug DeWalt