ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Moving On...

Updated on April 28, 2013

The trip to where I was born, and then on to a dear friend's house, were all to the area that built me, and helped me start healing.

The Journey to my own acceptance

This last week during Spring Break, I took my daughter and her best friend to visit family and close friends that are as close as family, well, actually I consider them family. Over the last few months I’ve had several disappointments.

I felt so loved and safe this past week, more than I have since I was a little girl. I was able to get some clarity, and find a peace that hasn’t existed in a long time. I’ve mentioned in previous hubs that I had to forgive me for allowing a situation to happen, and over this last week by being around family, I came to the full realization that I don’t have to forgive myself to move on.

For a while now, I have found it so very difficult to forgive myself, and I could not understand why. While on my travels over the last week to visit family and friends, I concluded that by being true to myself, I don’t have to forgive myself, because I was doing something for someone I thought was my friend. This person was someone who I considered family, and in my world, you do almost anything for family, when they need assistance in some way. Throughout, I was true to myself, and who I am as a person, so why would I need to forgive myself for being who I am? Why would I need to forgive myself when I was true to myself? That is not something we always do. I have forgiven the person who wasn’t who they seemed to be, because they were only being true to their own character. So how can I fault them?

I know all that happened was for a reason. It was to show me who was a real friend, and who was just a “fair weather” friend. True colors were shown to me so brightly, that there aren’t any doubts. The hues were brilliantly exposed. I was shown the true colors, not only someone who I no longer see as a friend, but the colors of two others who I now know are true friends. When it is said that someone showed their true colors, it’s not only meant for those people whose intentions are less than honorable, but also for those whose intentions are honorable.

There was a lot of drama for a while, but there is none of now. I am not allowing it to happen. I have learned how to squash it when it comes up, and I have learned to not allow someone in my life who is going to judge me, my actions, and how I live my life. I have learned that if someone can’t accept all of me, both at my best and at my worst, then I don’t need them in my life. I know I am a very good person, with a big heart, and I will make mistakes, I will acknowledge the mistakes and I will apologize. I have been made stronger by both the good and the bad that has taken place over the last year.

The below poem I wrote just before the visiting of family took place, and the idea that I didn't need to forgive myself, because I was just being myself. I know now that the Creator wanted me to learn the lesson that if we are being true to ourselves and are doing the right thing by someone other than ourselves, then there will be a blessing and we don’t necessarily have to forgive ourselves. In the midst of the situation, the Creator also provided me a reminder that you cannot build lasting happiness with someone else by causing another pain, because it will come back on you eventually. The hurt I caused because of another, I do have to forgive myself for, and I have apologized for not listening to the warnings that were given, and I have been forgiven. The bonds of those that are real friends, have been made stronger, and I really know I am blessed by having wonderful people in my life that really care about me, even when I’m not being the best person I can be.

Staying True to Self

Collected as a trophy was I.
Words to malign presented to others regarding me,
To my visage, words of kindness poured forth,
At the most opportune of times,
When loss of habitat seemed on the horizon.
Still I believed, that friendship was there.
The beautiful lies were so convincing.
When needed, I was always available,
Reciprocal accommodation was not presented.
My eyes slowly opened over time.
Words and actions not in syncronization,
Those around, who were true to me saw,
The careful manipulation taking place,
Countless warnings I did not heed,
Benefit of the doubt I gave,
Due to history, benevolence was prompted.
Countless musings over all actions,
Not only mine, but the other as well,
Thought I needed to forgive myself,
Nothing could I find in my own deeds,
that were transgressing against myself,
Because of who I am, assisting a friend
who was thought to be in need,
is in the very core of who I am.
Forgiving is now complete.
Holding a grudge against someone's true nature,
I can't find it in my heart to continue to do.
Staying true to myself is my only transgression.
I took back what was stolen maliciously.
I am finally free of many things,
I breathe a contented sigh as I realize,
I am one of the few who has escaped,
with my dignity and self worth re-affirmed.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • LEWMaxwell profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie Schock 

      5 years ago from Tulsa, Oklahoma

      I have never been one to isolate myself for long periods of time, my personality won't allow me to. I do every so often to re-group and take a step back to look at things from all angles. Critical is a good word to use, however, judgemental is more accurate I think. When constructive, criticism isn't necessarily a bad thing, but being judgemental of someone else, when we can never know the full details of what caused any path to be taken is a bad thing. Everyone, deserves the benefit of the doubt, until their actions prove beyond that doubt, they don't deserve that benefit any longer. That is where I try to come from when dealing with everyone. Eric, as always, I truly appreciate your feedback because it is insightful, thoughtful, and shows another point of view.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Nice hub. I always fear that folks in your state, learn to isolate. The world is a critical place.

    • LEWMaxwell profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie Schock 

      5 years ago from Tulsa, Oklahoma

      Thank you Roman. I appreciate that. Thank you for commenting.

    • Roman Trend profile image

      Roman Trend 

      5 years ago

      Your honesty and self-scrutiny are admirable. You write well, too.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)