ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Nothing To Believe in

Updated on April 12, 2013

I was always asked by other people to invite him to come in and occupy the most special place in my heart and I did it without having second thoughts but he never came--HE NEVER CAME..


I stare at him as he lie next to me. His eyes are brown, his lips are red but pale, his hair is long and tangled, and his cheeks are pink like the roses in a summer solstice's evening. His nose is perfect as if it was carved by the most popular artist of all time, his eyelashes are long making me so envy because mine are not and his brows are arched perfectly--so perfect that everyone would say that he is brave; he is the man who changed the world forever and I concur, he is brave but he's a coward.


I can still smell the sweet paint that touches his body though it's been a long time since I visited him and I cannot remember when was that time. Well, honestly, I just go there when I was forced to do so. He's not one of my priorities, anyway. He's not that important to me. With or without him, my life still sucks and I cannot change that reality. There is more to life than him. I used to believe in him and his promises but now I believe in nobody but myself--my strength, my talents, my determination, my ambition and my own reflection when I look at myself in the mirror. If I only knew that he wouldn't be able to make me believe in him forever, I shouldn't have let myself start to.


He has given me a new life. He brought me to a different world. This world I see before my eyes is a place that will change everything about me. The change will start from the way I look through the way I think. 10 more years from now and I picture me knowing myself no more. I'm scared of changing though I know it's part of human nature. I'm scared of being hurt. I'm afraid of temptation and of the things that will corrupt my mind though I know nobody's not being perverted by everything that is in this world, even the way people see him and think of him has been changed by time.


I am in the midst of uncertainty and I am lost; everybody's staring with blank faces at me but I don't care. I don't mind. All I know is He's not the man on that image. He's not the man I see everyday everywhere. He's not what I was taught he is. He's not what the older people say he is. But one thing is for sure--he is what I want him to be. I will not beg to anyone to save me from my sins. I will not kneel or bow down before anybody just to be saved. I will face the punishments and the consequences of my wrong doings. I know I have to suffer because I have sinned. I am not saying these things because I want to be different but because I know that I am a sinner and I don't deserve him.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • CrazedNovelist profile image

      A.E. Williams 

      5 years ago from Hampton, GA

      Very interesting writing...

    • Valorie Esquilona profile imageAUTHOR

      Valorie Esquilona 

      5 years ago from Philippines

      life is so sad but thanks to the beautiful people who make us happy.. thanks Gypsy!

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      It is a sad and sometimes frightening feeling when we are not sure exactly where we are at some point in life and where we are going. Hope it all works out.

    • Valorie Esquilona profile imageAUTHOR

      Valorie Esquilona 

      5 years ago from Philippines

      oh,thanks for dropping by, Miss.. it's my intention to make this confusing.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      5 years ago from Southern Illinois

      This is a confusing write, sometimes i am thinking of Jesus, then other times i am thinking of a man who must have hurt you. I hope you will find peace and love again..

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)