A Pleasantly Surprising Answer to the "WHO AM I?" Question...
It's Not How Hard You Hit...
Who Am I?
For some, it's an easy one; but for me, not so much. Knowing that you get roughly six seconds before a first impression is formed, I want to blurt out, "Let's do this again!" and skip right to the second. I resist the urge to rattle off a resume, logistics, or any other status more suitable for a census. Rest assured I have life experiences that were both brutal and remarkable, any answer worth giving is revealed through stories (we interpret events into memory in real time) and actions, rather than forced by defining attributes of our culture. I know my insecurities, thereby taking their power. I am reliant on the Rocky Balboa "Life ain't all sunshine and rainbows..." philosophy. More than one chair of my Utopian dinner table would certainly be filled with anyone who opposed. I have crossed the imaginary line that divides reality and insanity more than once, admission as evidence of wisdom, not fearlessness. In a scientific world, when your body has more pain than it can handle, you slip into unconsciousness; whether or not that is an act of God, is an individual opinion (I don’t dare inflict the argument.) The concept serves as a self-satisfying explanation.
Once Upon A TIme
"Funny" is my saving grace, and making a difference in other people's lives, my guilty pleasure. Our best moments are those in which we are selfless. Although I am quick-witted, I am also long-winded, and it seems I talk more when life is stressful, as I am further away from comfort and peace. I am a strong, confident woman in all areas except for my love life. Growing up, my father told me not to watch, read or believe in fairy tales (I don't) but I do believe in happy-endings (thankfully); otherwise, what would be the point? We have to believe they are possible. Little girls are exposed to fairy tale at a young age. They're filled with visions of princes and castles, of victors that will storm their citadels to declare their love and a lifetime of devotion. Little boys,on the other hand, are not watching or reading the fairy tales. They are unaware of the standards that are being set while they are too busy to notice. They grow up and spend their lives trying to figure it out. If we all stopped setting the standards to the likeness of a fairy tale, we would be better suited to the realities that exist in love, and more prepared for the losses. The big mystery of the Mars/Venus phenomenon, revealed!
Love is... Humbling.
I have love in my life. I have family and friends. I have rode the waves with one hand secured, and the other flailing, but seemingly managed to make it to shore with the headstrong conviction to go back out once again. I am accountable for the path, a bit too impulsive at times, and often carry the burdens that were not mine to carry for longer than I should. At 45, I am humbled.
Who Do You Think You're Foolin'?...
My kids are safe and healthy. They are my stars in the sky. Their resiliency is enviable, as their foundations are deficient of security and guarantees for any great length of time. All I could ever promise was to play the best possible hand, with the cards I was dealt. If they really knew how many times the mother they look to with certainty of “she’s got this” has teetered on the brink of “I do not have this” they surely wouldn’t continue to effect such stellar performances. We rolled with punches, kept moving forward, and knew our story was our own.. As of yet, they show modest tinges of resentment, and it is "hope" that allows me to entertain the thought that they will accept the compromises I made along the way, as well as forgive me. They continue to exceed my expectations.
Laugh. Think. Cry.
Sports of every kind bring me excitement. Beaches bring me clarity. The gypsy dust on my feet, along with my quirky nature, allows for a multitude of great memories that are peppered with laughter and tears. Finding the right word to express a purpose brings me satisfaction. "Odd" being one of my favorite words in the dictionary. It is defined as "a pleasant surprise" but rarely used in the context.. It would have sufficed to summarize by simply writing the word… but my first impression would certainly leave no hope for a second chance.
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© 2015 Molli Anne