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Oddly enough

Updated on February 10, 2013


Oddly enough,my plight is easier to describe

but I don't know why it takes me more skill

to see my broken ribbon bleeding across the pavement

Oddly enough,my plight is a bliss to rejoice

but I don't know why I am still grieving in a pit

It has been a decade

Since she stabbed my back

And slammed the door

Away to a tribe

Erected walls

Planted guards

on every gate

Alone I was left in the middle of an empty hall

Tears streaming down my face

My hands grasping the letter in my hands:

It's a mistake

The whole thing a mistake

I regret it

I am sorry

Two worlds apart never collide together

There is a hole,

A huge gap

No love nor hope could abridge

or make it go.

I am a Christian

You are a Muslim

My road different from yours

No need to blend

or write me poems in volumes

or even come under balcony

serenading

I am done with you

Fly far,far beyond

My sight

Peace out !!.



I read every line,

Every word and syllable,

I looked between the lines for

any speck of light

A straw of hope to clutch on

Nothing

Strength deserted me

Colors blurred

Photographs ripped

I fell and hit the ground



On a gurney to an ambulance

I was taken

almost dead,bleeding.

I opened my eyes

I smiled at destiny

and then I prayed to die

Tears let loose

Faces twisted

Lights twinkled

Heels clicked

Doors opened

and closed

Mouths prayed for me to live

Emergency room !




A hum approached

Steady steps, asynchronous,

Along the starry road

Came to crack and lose my lid

Your time not nigh

Wake up

Move in rhythm of ocean’s belly

unto the new dawn ride your soul.

I stirred from coma,

kicking cotton sheets,

Slowly I lifted my arms, stretched and glanced at a portrait on a bedside table

That s me at the beach in black coat and Whiteman hat

Smiling at the camera

Sweet days,

Footloose and fancy free..

Now I am trapped in here

like in a cave

One arm glued to tube

An other one supported the body to stand

Confused

So used

Fooled

by a girl .

Is love all about this ?

Breaking hearts?

Tearing souls apart?

and stopping continental drift ?

Is it because I am a Muslim that's why she walked out ?

A terrorist that's why she set collateral damage on my heart ?

A tanned skin that's why she ran away in fear from deformity ?

A weird accent that's why she flew miles away from the drilling sound ?

A penniless?

No car,

No dig,

That's why she left ???




Time passed

The questions remained unanswered

Until I saw her getting off limousine

unexpectedly, without warning,

Without waver,

in a dress of lace

with a guy from the same background and color

probably going to a party I soliloquized.

We met,

The thunder rumbled and roared ,

The ground beneath my feet quaked

but I stood tall

Still,

Impenetrable,

The sparking eyes

I once caught myself lost in.

both run out of color and life.

Face,pretty face

I once mesmerized by

Grimaced and withered like a flower in the fall

She wanted to say something ,

but I cut in like a hollow boned

detached from emotion:

My road different from yours

I am gone from reach

No longer will I place myself second

Nor will I wallow in that pain again

I was your victim,but not slain

As you see if you can still see

My sweet illusion,my sweet predator,my sweet dark betrayer.

My life turned out to a great mess

When you slammed the door

Leaving that damned note

And a white Tshirt

With an eagle in the middle from Alaska

I've learnt how to slip through the cracks

And see the light

How to survive without love

How to punch and push

Lift and glide

Kick and scratch

Swing and step

Forward,backward,

On,over

Everything we had long ago

yet not,

Long at all-

It's left behind.

Fly far,far beyond

my sight

Peace out !!



She fell to her knees

in mercy

Covering her head with hands

Sobs choking her

Body shivered like a bird caught under the rain.

I stood there like an iceberg for a moment

and then walked away relieved.



Oddly enough,my plight is a stage in my life passed

But I don't know why I am still here

Recalling every sweet moment with her

The nights that were ours

And the first morning sun rays,slanting through the window

spotting our faces.

Somehow I can't

Seem to forget when she brushed up my lips to wake me up every morning,

The games we played together:

hangman,doll house,checkers,bowling

The cyber s.. we did every time ,away she is rolling

It doesn't

Matter how hard I try to purge

All what we once shared long ago

yet not,

long at all.

Maybe,it was a mistake standing like an iceberg

Watching her bleeding on the floor

Not giving a hand to help

Or an ear to listen.

Maybe,it was the right thing to do

But I am sure it was out of my nature.



Comments

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    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      haha I know why you ask about my age lol cause I talked about teenagers .I am 34 :)

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      True, but we are not all like that Thank God. How old are you, if you don't mind me asking?

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Yeah,it is .I agree.Unfortunately ,Chivalry is dead.No one cares about love anymore. They care about hotness and popularity and money. Life is retarded. Guys are retarded. They always say "That chick's s..e..xy" And never "She's a really nice girl with a great personality" and girls are shallow .They like guys with long hair,tattoos,muscles,money,fancy cars,girlfriends,skills in cheating,lying And never like a guy who cares about them,who is nice to them,he is Godly-fearing,who has a good heart.

      Besides, Love is rare because most teenagers especially dont really understand what love is..they just want to have S.....EX and seek pleasure for themselves..and they actually think that S..E...X is EQUALS LOVE which is two different things..and when they are done having s.e..x, and tired of it, they think that they fell out of love.. they dont even give people second chances anymore.. Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own... but loving yourself first because you can even love someone.. and people's generation nowadays are wild.. love is something like "if you're there at their worst, then you deserve them at their best" lf its always having fun..then its not LOVE..you have to get hurt..but teenager nowadays..whenever they get hurt..they will break up right away..they will never out grew it.. its like getting married..they divorce after a couple of years...

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Awwww.....a love like this is hard to find! :)

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Blondey,

      I could give it to you lol

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      You have a beautiful heart. I want one like yours ;)

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      Elena,

      Thanks for stopping by and commented.I am alright,just wanted to get it out and share it .

      HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      blondey,

      Thanks once again for the visit and beautiful insight.That was the story of my broken heart.

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      I love how this poem tells a story, that's what makes it so interesting and it's quite the story. Awesome

    • Lady_E profile image

      Elena 4 years ago from London, UK

      Very deep and interesting Poem. You have a lovely talent for writing them. Hope all is well where you are.

      Regards, Elena.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @dreamseeker2 . Like a frozen knife stuck in my chest,the pain of betrayal was . An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it. It's like that frozen pain and my very existence are one.The pain is an anchor, mooring me here:) I'll find strength in pain And I will change my ways I'll know my name as it's called again.Thanks for the visit.

    • profile image

      dreamseeker2 4 years ago

      Very moving piece from the heart, James! Sad, while drenched with pain and that of a lost love. I know of such pain, but in my own life...of course not the same as yours has been, but in suffering the loss of one once loved, feelings of betrayal and haunting memories from the past that surface when you least expect it. Just know this...from our pain comes change and a chance for a new beginning. To start over a bit worn for wear, but stronger for the journey through all that preceeded its outcome.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      It came to my mind when I wrote it down :) beautiful song and great movie:)

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      Very inspiring reminds me of My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion..:)

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @blondey,Thanks so much for popping up here again and commented.I am still standing firm with a heart still going on.

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      That's awesome James, that you're passionate and open like this I mean, not the story, that's sad, and painful, but your poem was really amazing I loved it. It was really beautiful.

      :)

      Hugs

      Rose

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @Cyndi10,Thanks for the visit.Surely,it helped a whole lot better to relieve some pain.Thanks so much once again.

      Many Blessings to you.

      James

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ Eiddwen ,My chwaer.Thanks so much for stopping by and commented.I am so lucky to find someone like you here.I appreciate every word you wrote down here.

      Many Blessings to you

      hugs and love.

      James

    • Cyndi10 profile image

      Cynthia B Turner 4 years ago from Georgia

      Wow! You have really constructed a crescendo of emotion here. I had to exhale after all of that. I hope this was a cathartic journey for you, that the writing has helped you purge the hurt that you felt. Excellent.

      Take good care.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

      Oh James I am so glad that our mutual and dear friend Debbie asked you to write a love poem because what we have in front of us here is indeed nothing less than a masterpiece!!!

      your emotion paramount;your strength flowing and your mindset is what has led to myself finding my 'brawd' on here.I relate and appreciate your words and here's to so many more wonderful words for us both to share on here for a long time to come.I vote up,across and also share.

      Lots of love to you my brawd

      Eddy.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @blondey.Thanks so much for stopping by and commented.I really appreciate it.I am glad enjoyed reading it.In some poems,some hubbers thought I am a woman.Yes,very true..personally ,I am very passionate and crazy lol

      Many Blessings to you.

      James.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @dghbrh, Thanks so much for your sweet words.Sometimes,I feel that I m free from my nostalgia,free from pain,free from her but other times,I feel I am stuck.I wonder is it because she was my first love that s why I can t let go or is it because who I met after her couldn't fill her place?Maybe something wrong with me.I wasn't like this,cold,nonadhesive ,so quickly I get bored and fed up.I know as you said everything happens for reason but I m still hang in there.Thanks for your prayers.You are so sweet.

      Many Blessings to you

      James.

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      Never you shewed time so far dear James. Its just that everything is destined as it is and some times I feel that its better to die than to live ahead. Trust me friend, even death is toughest to live for when you cant die even. Death in not in our hand then nothings in our hand. So chill.....i know its easy to say or type here. But Chill? Ahmmmm...... well rather emotion get chilled and that is so evident in your this poem here. But there is a reason that we have came ahead this far and still moving. If only death had been easier ! Never mind and the out pour of emotion sure helps to give some peace to our soul. Soul has every rite be happy and you are here to make your soul happy. God bless again. Thanks and some times yes ...the ashes also rise. Ashes do mix with earth and gives birth to green new leaves of hope for new days. Never loose heart and my prayers are there always for you ( though from far across) Take care

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 4 years ago from Boston, MA

      I like the way you expressed this; I've never read a poem by a man so passionate before, the story really true? So bitter, so amazing, such betrayal. such pain. over the difference of faith/religion....wow.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @dghbrh.Thanks so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to read my story of pain and what cripples me inside.Thanks for the stand,sweet and encouraging words.I am standing firm even if I am bleeding.Trees die standing.I was taught that time heals all wounds.It has been a decade since I got the stab from the back,but I couldn t seem to forget or healed.The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone. I was taught from TV ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ Even people who invented this saying and those who keep repeating it as a solemn prayer must realize that the exact opposite is true. What doesn’t kill you maims you, cripples you, leaves you weak, makes you whiny and full of yourself at the same time. The more pain, the more pompous you get. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you incredibly annoying.

      What I am sure of is that I am not the same as before.Something inside has broken,a key lost in vast ocean.No matter how I try and what I do,I am doomed to let downs and never entitled to rise up from the ashes.Anyway,Thanks for giving me your ears and sorry for shewing them off for sure lol :)

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @Deborah Brooks,Thanks so much for asking me to write this poem.If you didn't, maybe I wouldn't.It has been inside me as a vague thought,as jumbled feelings,many things at once.I let it there locked,hidden,intact but it was there,unable to peel it back, layer by layer until you come and push the trigger on lol.

      Neither do I get any notifications of you.Maybe,they had technical problems or shut down temporarily for maintenance.

      Many Blessings to you .

      James.

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 4 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      Oh dear James.....many thanks to our sweet Debbie, that she asked you to write a love poem and we get this moving poem direct from your bleeding heart. Feeling sad sure and the pages seem to be little scarlet tinted. Its heart breaking even the reasons she offered are so hollow. Be strong my friend because may be God has some different plan for you. May be she don deserve you and the love actually you deserve may wait round the corner. Its tough i know but do not loose your heart so much for which is not suitable enough for those tears. And thanks to Debbie that she asked you to write as its better to pour out which hurts us and let it go then to keep inside to make our souls restive. My prayers all your way...take care and sure there will be tomorrow where there are much more sunshine waiting just for you. My best wishes always. Thanks for this one and I am sharing across and pressed many buttons here excluding the funny part. God bless you always

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Oh my dear James.. I had to read this three times.. I feel like this poem has caused you pain.. its beautiful but it so sad.. and what a sad journey it has been for you.

      bless your heart my dear.

      I am going to link it to one of my new poems..

      Grey skies, and I still love you

      many blessings my friend

      my prayers go with you

      oh and I would have checked back with you sooner but I am not getting any hubs on my e mail.. no new notifications.. I cannot figure out what is wrong.

      sharing this hub blessings

      Debbie

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 4 years ago from Morocco

      @ Mhatter99,Thanks so much for taking time to read and commented.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for sharing this journey with me.