My Ode to Miss Muffet: an Imperfect Piece of Writing, and the Value of Spell-check
What are Curds and Whey?
In the cheese making process, milk is separated out into solids (curds) and liquid (whey), usually with the aid of rennet, lemon juice or vinegar. The curds are slippery, white and somewhat gelatinous feeling. They taste very acidic early on in the cheese making process, and then mellow out as the lactic fermentation comes along.
The whey looks like cloudy, yellowish water. It tastes just like milk. If the cheese maker owns pigs, they may feed them the extracted whey. Parma hams are from pigs fed on the whey from Parmigiano Reggiano. Other cheese makers convert the whey into ricotta, or cottage cheese, fully extracting the last milk solids from the liquid. But more often than not, the whey ends up being distributed over the farmer’s pasture, fertilizing the land the dairy herd will end up grazing on once more.
Warning!
I know there are a lot of great writers here at Hub Pages who put a lot of time and effort into perfecting their art. To those people I wish to apologise now and recommend that you do not proceed to read this hub any further. This poem is simply a parody and not intended to offend, so if you are easily offended by bad spelling, grammar, and poor writing in general, please STOP! Read no more.. move on to another hub NOW!
If however you are not easily offended, can laugh at yourself and think there is a place (somewhere) for other writers both good and bad..then, be my guest and please continue to read this poem, "My Ode to Miss Muffet."
I did put this poem through the Hub Pages spell-check and it found no errors....so...enough said.
The Eagles referred to the Porsche Spyder and the death of James Dean in the song "James Dean", using the popular poem "Little Miss Muffet" in the song.
(source: Wikipedia)
Ode to Miss Muffet
by John Hansen © 2014
To pass the thyme eye like to right,
Eye do it every day and knight.
Sometimes poetry, sometimes prose,
With spell cheque almost anything goes.
It doesn't matter that wee can't spell,
Or if hour gramma has a funny smell.
If you can put your pen to paige
It's possible to urn a wage.
Nouns and verbs they rule the joint,
But punctuation, watts the point?
A semi-colon has no class,
And a colon just a pain in the ass.
Origins and Meaning Of "Little Miss Muffet".
The nursery rhyme "Little Miss Muffet" first appeared in print in 1805, in a book titled Songs for the Nursery. Its origins are unclear, like many such rhymes. Some say it may have been written by Dr Thomas Muffet, an English physician and entomologist, regarding his stepdaughter Patience; others claim it refers to Mary, Queen of Scots, who was said to have been frightened by religious reformer John Knox.
(source: Wikipedia)
Tuffet
- A small seat or stool covered in fabric so the legs aren't showing
- A clump of something Eg. A tuffet of grass
Though I really like quotation marques.
Dialogue gives yore righting sparks.
Full stops or comas, which too ewes?
Hold on aisle just go ask my moose.
Poems don't even knead to rime,
Just brake prose into shorter lines.
Most poets don't even knead spell cheque,
They make-up words so watt the heck.
The major reason that I'm a poet,
I'm week at grammar, and don't I no it.
So four anyone two enjoy my words
Please separate the whey from curds.
Want to Know More?
- Miss Muffet And Her Curds And Whey | A Moment of Science - Indiana Public Media
What are curds and whey? Well, you've probably eaten them without even knowing it. Curds and whey are actually the lumps and liquid found in...
What is you favourite nursery rhyme?
© 2014 John Hansen
Related
Comments
Hey Jodah, nice to read your fabulous poem of wonderful humor this early morning. It was so enjoyable. Little Miss Muffet, one of our childhood stories to never be forgotten. May God continue to bless all aspects of your writing!
- Author
Thanks for being the first to read and comment word55. Glad you can appreciate my attempt at humour and silly poem. Have a great day.
Hahaha, I TRULY loved this delightful and creative ode here. What a treasure to read early this morning. You are a true poet, and you should know it, for to come up with such a clever poem such as this, is brilliant in my book. I always loved Little Miss Muffet.
I don't think you should have felt the need to offer up any explanation and just be your creative self, a great poet!
Voted up and all the way across, tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing Have a wonderful day.
Blessings
- Author
Wow Faith, I never expected such a terrific comment. Thanks so much for your kind words. Gad you enjoyed the light-heartedness of this ode. thought it was a bit of fun. I appreciate the voteup, share, pin and tweet.
this was very good humor.. loved it I did however thought you were going to say.. that the spider wanted to know what was in the bowl..B...h! Lol aka.. Dice Clay..:)
Excellent piece, both funny and sad in it's truth. They say the best jokes have a bit of truth in them --- or is that the best lies have a bit of truth in them? (note my unwholy use of hyphens ;-)
John: I'm amazed at your creativity- to tell something worthwhile in such a funny way. Though volumes of writing can't convince the guys of the need of correct spelling and grammar, this funny poem conveys it so brilliantly. Great to see a lighter side of you !
- Author
Thanks for reading Frank, glad you got a laugh.
One version we said as kids was:
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey,
Along came a spider and sat down beside her,
And she said "Rack off hairy legs"
- Author
Hi Eric, you saw below the humour here. I was being a little sarcastic and as you say there is some sad truth here. Damn hyphens. :) Thanks for your comment.
- Author
Thank you Harisprasad, maybe this poem will act as a teaching aid in some way. Thanks for your kind comment and support.
lol thats funny too :)
Cute poem and i just got to know who was the author. Thanks, voted up
Wiping the tears from my eyes.....still wiping....and still wiping....did I mention the tears were caused by laughter?
Way too funny my friend. Your range of genres seems to have no limit.
- Author
Wow Bill, to make you cry tears of laughter is the ultimate compliment. I have to keep trying new stuff so I don't bore myself.. :) thanks pal.
- Author
Hey thanks for reading peach purple, good to meet you. Thanks for the vote up too.
John, John, John, this was a brilliant peace of work. Take that preface of warning out of the article. The wrong grammer is part of the parody so it works grate. It would be a nice enough poem with prefect spelling and grammar, but the parody would be lost. Braking rules works in these situations. I loved this to peaces. You rock, dude.
very clever! (and creative!) I enjoyed your little satire.....
Too cute, John. Just shows to go ya spell check ain't worth diddly durn!
I love cheese curds, by the whey - I mean, way!
You certainly tickled the funny bone with this one. Miss Muffet would be proud. Perhaps, and I say this tongue in cheek, this could be used in Creative writing 101!
Voted up, funny, and awesome!!
Haha. I loved your warning. I thought to myself 'Well, I know how poor my grammar and spelling can be. So this hub is a must read for me.' I actually worked with an editor for the first time on Monday. Pretty sure the poor woman is still suffering a migraine because of me. This was a fun read.
What a hoot, eye lol. Hee..
You did it again, Jodah. You came up with a bit of humour and fun to lighten the day and give us a chuckle. Delightful !
Hey that is why I am a poet too. Funny and Fun! Jamie
Very clever and whey too much fun! And thanks for the history lesson on curds and whey. You'll be in my thoughts each time I down my cottage cheese. :) Voted across and sharing everywhere.
I'll be laughing the rest of the day.
Hi,
Just got home from shopping and this is the first hub my eyes landed on to read. I am still laughing---too cute and funny.
You just might have a niche of your own. Have a great night.
Bobbi Purvis
- Author
Thanks for the great comment lambservant. There have been a lot of hubs written about poor grammar and improving it lately so thought I should add that warning :) thanks for the thumbs up though.
- Author
Thank you for reading DreamingBoomer. Much appreciated.
- Author
Haha Shauna..you like cottage cheese. I read so many hubs that have obviously passed the spell check but have the wrong form of the word.. I just had to write this. Thanks.
- Author
Thanks Mary, glad you think she'd like it, and that it gave you a laugh. Thanks for the vote up too.
- Author
Glad the warning drew you in Mira instead of frightening you off. I have to re- read my writing at least three times and then still find errors after it's published, so I can relate.
- Author
Thanks for laughing Ruby.
John, I like cottage cheese, but here in America they also sell cheese curds. They're little bites of cheese that resembles no other. They're awesome!
Yeah, spell check sucks. I don't count on it at all. You'd think they'd pick up the difference between their, there, and they're based on context in the grammar end of the tool.
- Author
Hey thanks Phyllis, I love to be a little ray of sunshine in your day :)
- Author
Exactly Jamie, you got it.
- Author
Glad this poem made you laugh Audrey and you enjoyed the history lesson too. Maybe it will inspire a song in you. Have a great day.
- Author
Thanks for that kind comment Bobbie...my own niche, you think so? :)
This was the best to wake up to this morning. You made my day. What fun. And so very clever and totally creative.
Jodah, what is the secret of your creativity? You write from a higher rung of the ladder, every time--even when you write funny. Enjoyable!
This is so funny, Jodah. I love your creativity!
Jodah, I think this is quite honest and very funny. So I voted up!
I remember when my folks told me about curds and whey. According to my dad, if someone had curds and whey for lunch when he was a kid, then they were living high on the hog! (Personally, I wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole, but that's just me)
This is great! Very Funny stuff.
- Author
Ok Shauna thanks for that info about cheese curds..not sure if you can get them here. I agree about the spell check.
- Author
Thank you travmaj, glad I made your day :)
- Author
Aw thanks MsDora...my creativity, not sure. I am always trying to do something a little different..glad others appreciate it.
- Author
Thank you Alicia, I appreciate your support. Glad you found this funny.
- Author
Thanks for the vote up Beth...not sure how I feel about curds and whey. I'd have to try them to decide I guess. "High on the hog" though..hmm.
- Author
Thanks for reading Dean, and your kind comment. Have a good day.
A great introduction. So hilarious and a beautiful hub with such nice photos.
- Author
Thank you Devika, for reading and such a great comment. Glad you enjoyed this hub.
John, I spotted a hyphen ( a grammatical mistake ) in my comment. I think you are too kind to point it out. Lol...(-:
- Author
Haha Harishprasad, you need to write out 100 times: "I must not use unnecessary hyphens."
Cute verse! I can certainly relate....and so creatively presented.
- Author
Thanks Rebecca, glad you can relate.
lol Voted up and funny. That's about what happens when I put on the spell checker in Word. If I right write or write right they are one and the same and it's up to me to recheck afterwards. If I don't so be it for me.
Sometimes I'm write
Other times I'm wrong
But it is surely up to me
to decided what I right
and if that is write with me
Sorry couldn't resist. I'm passing this on. I just gotta.
This just cracked me up John!
John,
OMG! Luv dis-Smyles an giglets
upped/shard/pend
: ) Kim
- Author
Haha Gypsy, thanks for adding your bit. It's clear you can relate.
- Author
Hey Audrey, thank you. I hoped this would provide a bit of humour.
- Author
Hiya Kim, glad you enjoyed this little ditty. I like dim smiles an giglets two.
Your humor is good! Made me snort. Hee hee!
- Author
Hey Bekkie, snorting is a fine response :)
Very cute John: Miss Muffet was one of my favorite nursery rhymes.
Haha! very clever! and yes I just love those spell cheques!! its funny because everything is done 'American' style I sometimes sit here and scratch my head thinking, why is the stupid thing moaning at my spelling? then I remember! loved the poem! fun stuff!
I got a good laugh when I read this, and after a long stressful day, I really needed a good laugh!
Voted UP, and funny!
"Nouns and verbs they rule the joint,
But punctuation, what's the point?
A semi-colon has no class,
And a colon just a pain in the ass."
Now that's funny stuff! Up and hilarious!
- Author
Thanks Dana, glad you are a Little Miss Muffet fan.
- Author
Hi Nell, I used to have my spell check set to US but changed it to Australian.I thought, why change my normal way of writing, everyone is mature enough to understand that words are spelt differently in different places. Glad you found this enjoyable.
- Author
Thanks so much Mary, glad it helped ease the stress after a hard day. I appreciate the vote up too.
- Author
Hi Will, glad you found that particular stanza funny. It's my favourite too.
John, I read this last night, but didn't get a chance to comment. Brilliant! I was disappointed when it ended. Clever and very entertaining.
- Author
Thank you for reading Jo, and for returning to comment. Sorry I didn't make the poem longer too, but it seemed to convey the message ok. Glad you enjoyed the read.
Loved it, Jodah--and you know me, a nit-picking editor.
I also appreciated the explanation of curds and whey, although I pretty much already knew what they were.
Voted Awesome and Funny. Sharing on Face Book. ***
- Author
Thank you Marie, I really appreciate your kind comment, vote up and sharing. Glad you loved this.
I have a horrible habit of correcting people's spelling and grammar errors, whether or not they ask for my help. This poem made me laugh at myself. I'm a big fan of your writing.
- Author
Don't be too hard on yourself Ryem. I find it difficult not to correct people's spelling and typos, but my own grammar still needs a lot of work so I rarely pick on that. Glad this let you laugh at yourself, and thanks for the kind comment. I'm a big Ryem fan too
Thanks for the laugh. This was fun knee and ah sum ;)
- Author
Tank ewe for the kind com meant Sherri. :)
What a versatile writer you are, John! You had me actually laughing out loud which is unusual when I read.
When it comes down to it, we understand most things which are spelt incorrectly as long as they are phonetic or alternative.
I love this; funny, clever and imaginative. You have so many strings to your bow and each one is totally in tune!
Ann
- Author
That's a nice compliment Ann. If nothing else I try to be as diverse as possible in my writing. I love to find new ways of getting a message across an humour is often very successful. I know my own writing isn't perfect but at least I can make it interesting I hope. Thanks again and glad my bow strings are in tune :) Glad you had fun with this.
LOL! Love the parody of this poem. I love the rhyme and your talent and creativity certainly come out in this piece. If it weren't for spell check my writing would probably look like your poem. You are such a versatile writer. I enjoyed this very much.
- Author
Thank you for those kind words Suzette....but I did use spell check on this poem :) Glad you enjoyed this.
You have me chuckling! I remember reciting Little Miss Muffet over and over as a child. It was fun to think about the spider causing alarm. Thanks for the smile today.
- Author
Thank you Dianna, always my pleasure to make you smile. Glad you had fun reading this.
That was funny and interesting John even though I like to correct spelling errors, etc. I was not offended by it, I enjoyed it. :-) I voted up, shared and pinned it.
Kevin
- Author
Thanks for reading and enjoying Kevin. So glad you weren't offended
I really liked this. It made me smile.
Funny, enjoyed reading! Great write!
- Author
Thank you Vellur, glad this gave you a laugh. Have a great day.
Cute an clever, Jodah. I honestly think my spelling skills have deteriorated since the advent of the spellchecker.
Hi Jodah this was very creative and funny, you are a boss at poetry i admire your work. I haven't been around much for the past two months. I have been extremely busy so I'd try to get my writing back into the groove.
Thanks for making me smile with your Little Miss Muffet poem ,lol
May God bless U
Have a swell day :)
- Author
Hi ladyFiddler good to see you back, and look forward to reading more hubs by you. Glad this poem gave you a smile today. Thanks for the kind comment and God bless you too.
- Author
Thanks for reading this Rebecca, glad you thought it fun. I always have to spell check the spellchecker..I just don't trust it. I am sure mine have deteriorated too however.
Funny stuff john. Very clever. Will pass this around. Thanks for the laugh
Just what i need.
now that's fun poem to read. Great stuff.
- Author
Hi Dean, thanks for commenting on this. Glad you found it a fun read.
Haha! Awesome! I think everyone should laugh at themselves sometimes. It happens, bad grammar, typoes, and such. Oh well.
- Author
Hi Shanmarie, glad you enjoyed this. I make so many grammatical mistakes I need to be able to laugh at myself. Thanks.
Ohm I! Eye founder kind red spear it!! Aisle of two right the sway a swell! Hugh kneeds pell check in knee whey? Coddle of dee anguish languish, know?
- Author
Good to meet another kindred spirit Harry. Thanks for reading another of my hubs.
How strange is it that I seem to pick exactly the right hub to read which kind of coincides with what we discussed on my last poem? I also just mentioned this to Faith Reaper too. I do the same when I go to her HP.
We just talked about how I wrote my poem from the top of my head not using spell or grammar check. You said you still used it here, but this was sort of whimsical like that, in my opinion.
This was cute. I loved it. I think you should go further and write without spell check. And it's so true; poems don't have to be that correct anyway. :)
- Author
Yes it's weird how some unknown or unexplainable force guides us to read certain hubs just at the right time Missy. The same thing often happens to me. Sometimes it's even to a hub by someone I don't follow and have never read before. Glad you liked my Miss Muppet Ode Missy Muppet.. :) I'd like to write a poem without using spell check at all but I am afraid "editbot" would want me to change everything. Thanks for reading another of my hubs.
I haven't ran into editbot yet. I guess I should knock on wood. :)
- Author
Yes Missy you are lucky, at least half of my hubs were affected. I got rid of the little white robots but still have black ones everywhere :) If you haven't had any on your hubs you won't even know what they look like (oh yes you will they are shown at the bottom of your accounts page in the list of symbols).
103