My Ode to Miss Muffet: an Imperfect Piece of Writing, and the Value of Spell-check
What are Curds and Whey?
In the cheese making process, milk is separated out into solids (curds) and liquid (whey), usually with the aid of rennet, lemon juice or vinegar. The curds are slippery, white and somewhat gelatinous feeling. They taste very acidic early on in the cheese making process, and then mellow out as the lactic fermentation comes along.
The whey looks like cloudy, yellowish water. It tastes just like milk. If the cheese maker owns pigs, they may feed them the extracted whey. Parma hams are from pigs fed on the whey from Parmigiano Reggiano. Other cheese makers convert the whey into ricotta, or cottage cheese, fully extracting the last milk solids from the liquid. But more often than not, the whey ends up being distributed over the farmer’s pasture, fertilizing the land the dairy herd will end up grazing on once more.
Warning!
I know there are a lot of great writers here at Hub Pages who put a lot of time and effort into perfecting their art. To those people I wish to apologise now and recommend that you do not proceed to read this hub any further. This poem is simply a parody and not intended to offend, so if you are easily offended by bad spelling, grammar, and poor writing in general, please STOP! Read no more.. move on to another hub NOW!
If however you are not easily offended, can laugh at yourself and think there is a place (somewhere) for other writers both good and bad..then, be my guest and please continue to read this poem, "My Ode to Miss Muffet."
I did put this poem through the Hub Pages spell-check and it found no errors....so...enough said.
The Eagles referred to the Porsche Spyder and the death of James Dean in the song "James Dean", using the popular poem "Little Miss Muffet" in the song.
(source: Wikipedia)
Ode to Miss Muffet
by John Hansen © 2014
To pass the thyme eye like to right,
Eye do it every day and knight.
Sometimes poetry, sometimes prose,
With spell cheque almost anything goes.
It doesn't matter that wee can't spell,
Or if hour gramma has a funny smell.
If you can put your pen to paige
It's possible to urn a wage.
Nouns and verbs they rule the joint,
But punctuation, watts the point?
A semi-colon has no class,
And a colon just a pain in the ass.
Origins and Meaning Of "Little Miss Muffet".
The nursery rhyme "Little Miss Muffet" first appeared in print in 1805, in a book titled Songs for the Nursery. Its origins are unclear, like many such rhymes. Some say it may have been written by Dr Thomas Muffet, an English physician and entomologist, regarding his stepdaughter Patience; others claim it refers to Mary, Queen of Scots, who was said to have been frightened by religious reformer John Knox.
(source: Wikipedia)
Tuffet
- A small seat or stool covered in fabric so the legs aren't showing
- A clump of something Eg. A tuffet of grass
Though I really like quotation marques.
Dialogue gives yore righting sparks.
Full stops or comas, which too ewes?
Hold on aisle just go ask my moose.
Poems don't even knead to rime,
Just brake prose into shorter lines.
Most poets don't even knead spell cheque,
They make-up words so watt the heck.
The major reason that I'm a poet,
I'm week at grammar, and don't I no it.
So four anyone two enjoy my words
Please separate the whey from curds.
Want to Know More?
- Miss Muffet And Her Curds And Whey | A Moment of Science - Indiana Public Media
What are curds and whey? Well, you've probably eaten them without even knowing it. Curds and whey are actually the lumps and liquid found in...
What is you favourite nursery rhyme?
© 2014 John Hansen
Comments
AUTHORThank you for re-reading this Marie. I love Robert Louis Stevenson's poetry too, and many don't even realise he was a poet. Much appreciated. Take care.
I'm re-reading this one, John, because it came up on my Facebook memories. I still get a chuckle out of it.
If I had to vote for a children's poem, it might be one from Robert Louis Stevenson. When my elder daughter was in first grade, she had to memorize his The Swing, and I memorized it with her. I recite it to my grandchildren when I'm giving them a push on a public swing.
The other one I really like by him is “The world is so full of a number of things, I ’m sure we should all be as happy as kings.”
Have a great day!
- AUTHOR
Yes Missy you are lucky, at least half of my hubs were affected. I got rid of the little white robots but still have black ones everywhere :) If you haven't had any on your hubs you won't even know what they look like (oh yes you will they are shown at the bottom of your accounts page in the list of symbols).
I haven't ran into editbot yet. I guess I should knock on wood. :)
- AUTHOR
Yes it's weird how some unknown or unexplainable force guides us to read certain hubs just at the right time Missy. The same thing often happens to me. Sometimes it's even to a hub by someone I don't follow and have never read before. Glad you liked my Miss Muppet Ode Missy Muppet.. :) I'd like to write a poem without using spell check at all but I am afraid "editbot" would want me to change everything. Thanks for reading another of my hubs.
How strange is it that I seem to pick exactly the right hub to read which kind of coincides with what we discussed on my last poem? I also just mentioned this to Faith Reaper too. I do the same when I go to her HP.
We just talked about how I wrote my poem from the top of my head not using spell or grammar check. You said you still used it here, but this was sort of whimsical like that, in my opinion.
This was cute. I loved it. I think you should go further and write without spell check. And it's so true; poems don't have to be that correct anyway. :)
- AUTHOR
Good to meet another kindred spirit Harry. Thanks for reading another of my hubs.
Ohm I! Eye founder kind red spear it!! Aisle of two right the sway a swell! Hugh kneeds pell check in knee whey? Coddle of dee anguish languish, know?
- AUTHOR
Hi Shanmarie, glad you enjoyed this. I make so many grammatical mistakes I need to be able to laugh at myself. Thanks.
Haha! Awesome! I think everyone should laugh at themselves sometimes. It happens, bad grammar, typoes, and such. Oh well.
- AUTHOR
Hi Dean, thanks for commenting on this. Glad you found it a fun read.
now that's fun poem to read. Great stuff.
Funny stuff john. Very clever. Will pass this around. Thanks for the laugh
Just what i need.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for reading this Rebecca, glad you thought it fun. I always have to spell check the spellchecker..I just don't trust it. I am sure mine have deteriorated too however.
- AUTHOR
Hi ladyFiddler good to see you back, and look forward to reading more hubs by you. Glad this poem gave you a smile today. Thanks for the kind comment and God bless you too.
Hi Jodah this was very creative and funny, you are a boss at poetry i admire your work. I haven't been around much for the past two months. I have been extremely busy so I'd try to get my writing back into the groove.
Thanks for making me smile with your Little Miss Muffet poem ,lol
May God bless U
Have a swell day :)
Cute an clever, Jodah. I honestly think my spelling skills have deteriorated since the advent of the spellchecker.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Vellur, glad this gave you a laugh. Have a great day.
Funny, enjoyed reading! Great write!
I really liked this. It made me smile.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for reading and enjoying Kevin. So glad you weren't offended
That was funny and interesting John even though I like to correct spelling errors, etc. I was not offended by it, I enjoyed it. :-) I voted up, shared and pinned it.
Kevin
- AUTHOR
Thank you Dianna, always my pleasure to make you smile. Glad you had fun reading this.
You have me chuckling! I remember reciting Little Miss Muffet over and over as a child. It was fun to think about the spider causing alarm. Thanks for the smile today.
- AUTHOR
Thank you for those kind words Suzette....but I did use spell check on this poem :) Glad you enjoyed this.
LOL! Love the parody of this poem. I love the rhyme and your talent and creativity certainly come out in this piece. If it weren't for spell check my writing would probably look like your poem. You are such a versatile writer. I enjoyed this very much.
- AUTHOR
That's a nice compliment Ann. If nothing else I try to be as diverse as possible in my writing. I love to find new ways of getting a message across an humour is often very successful. I know my own writing isn't perfect but at least I can make it interesting I hope. Thanks again and glad my bow strings are in tune :) Glad you had fun with this.
What a versatile writer you are, John! You had me actually laughing out loud which is unusual when I read.
When it comes down to it, we understand most things which are spelt incorrectly as long as they are phonetic or alternative.
I love this; funny, clever and imaginative. You have so many strings to your bow and each one is totally in tune!
Ann
- AUTHOR
Tank ewe for the kind com meant Sherri. :)
Thanks for the laugh. This was fun knee and ah sum ;)
- AUTHOR
Don't be too hard on yourself Ryem. I find it difficult not to correct people's spelling and typos, but my own grammar still needs a lot of work so I rarely pick on that. Glad this let you laugh at yourself, and thanks for the kind comment. I'm a big Ryem fan too
I have a horrible habit of correcting people's spelling and grammar errors, whether or not they ask for my help. This poem made me laugh at myself. I'm a big fan of your writing.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Marie, I really appreciate your kind comment, vote up and sharing. Glad you loved this.
Loved it, Jodah--and you know me, a nit-picking editor.
I also appreciated the explanation of curds and whey, although I pretty much already knew what they were.
Voted Awesome and Funny. Sharing on Face Book. ***
- AUTHOR
Thank you for reading Jo, and for returning to comment. Sorry I didn't make the poem longer too, but it seemed to convey the message ok. Glad you enjoyed the read.
John, I read this last night, but didn't get a chance to comment. Brilliant! I was disappointed when it ended. Clever and very entertaining.
- AUTHOR
Hi Will, glad you found that particular stanza funny. It's my favourite too.
- AUTHOR
Thanks so much Mary, glad it helped ease the stress after a hard day. I appreciate the vote up too.
- AUTHOR
Hi Nell, I used to have my spell check set to US but changed it to Australian.I thought, why change my normal way of writing, everyone is mature enough to understand that words are spelt differently in different places. Glad you found this enjoyable.
- AUTHOR
Thanks Dana, glad you are a Little Miss Muffet fan.
"Nouns and verbs they rule the joint,
But punctuation, what's the point?
A semi-colon has no class,
And a colon just a pain in the ass."
Now that's funny stuff! Up and hilarious!
I got a good laugh when I read this, and after a long stressful day, I really needed a good laugh!
Voted UP, and funny!
Haha! very clever! and yes I just love those spell cheques!! its funny because everything is done 'American' style I sometimes sit here and scratch my head thinking, why is the stupid thing moaning at my spelling? then I remember! loved the poem! fun stuff!
Very cute John: Miss Muffet was one of my favorite nursery rhymes.
- AUTHOR
Hey Bekkie, snorting is a fine response :)
Your humor is good! Made me snort. Hee hee!
- AUTHOR
Hiya Kim, glad you enjoyed this little ditty. I like dim smiles an giglets two.
- AUTHOR
Hey Audrey, thank you. I hoped this would provide a bit of humour.
- AUTHOR
Haha Gypsy, thanks for adding your bit. It's clear you can relate.
John,
OMG! Luv dis-Smyles an giglets
upped/shard/pend
: ) Kim
This just cracked me up John!
lol Voted up and funny. That's about what happens when I put on the spell checker in Word. If I right write or write right they are one and the same and it's up to me to recheck afterwards. If I don't so be it for me.
Sometimes I'm write
Other times I'm wrong
But it is surely up to me
to decided what I right
and if that is write with me
Sorry couldn't resist. I'm passing this on. I just gotta.
- AUTHOR
Thanks Rebecca, glad you can relate.
Cute verse! I can certainly relate....and so creatively presented.
- AUTHOR
Haha Harishprasad, you need to write out 100 times: "I must not use unnecessary hyphens."
John, I spotted a hyphen ( a grammatical mistake ) in my comment. I think you are too kind to point it out. Lol...(-:
- AUTHOR
Thank you Devika, for reading and such a great comment. Glad you enjoyed this hub.
A great introduction. So hilarious and a beautiful hub with such nice photos.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for reading Dean, and your kind comment. Have a good day.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for the vote up Beth...not sure how I feel about curds and whey. I'd have to try them to decide I guess. "High on the hog" though..hmm.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Alicia, I appreciate your support. Glad you found this funny.
- AUTHOR
Aw thanks MsDora...my creativity, not sure. I am always trying to do something a little different..glad others appreciate it.
- AUTHOR
Thank you travmaj, glad I made your day :)
- AUTHOR
Ok Shauna thanks for that info about cheese curds..not sure if you can get them here. I agree about the spell check.
This is great! Very Funny stuff.
Jodah, I think this is quite honest and very funny. So I voted up!
I remember when my folks told me about curds and whey. According to my dad, if someone had curds and whey for lunch when he was a kid, then they were living high on the hog! (Personally, I wouldn't touch them with a ten-foot pole, but that's just me)
This is so funny, Jodah. I love your creativity!
Jodah, what is the secret of your creativity? You write from a higher rung of the ladder, every time--even when you write funny. Enjoyable!
This was the best to wake up to this morning. You made my day. What fun. And so very clever and totally creative.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for that kind comment Bobbie...my own niche, you think so? :)
- AUTHOR
Glad this poem made you laugh Audrey and you enjoyed the history lesson too. Maybe it will inspire a song in you. Have a great day.
- AUTHOR
Exactly Jamie, you got it.
- AUTHOR
Hey thanks Phyllis, I love to be a little ray of sunshine in your day :)
John, I like cottage cheese, but here in America they also sell cheese curds. They're little bites of cheese that resembles no other. They're awesome!
Yeah, spell check sucks. I don't count on it at all. You'd think they'd pick up the difference between their, there, and they're based on context in the grammar end of the tool.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for laughing Ruby.
- AUTHOR
Glad the warning drew you in Mira instead of frightening you off. I have to re- read my writing at least three times and then still find errors after it's published, so I can relate.
- AUTHOR
Thanks Mary, glad you think she'd like it, and that it gave you a laugh. Thanks for the vote up too.
- AUTHOR
Haha Shauna..you like cottage cheese. I read so many hubs that have obviously passed the spell check but have the wrong form of the word.. I just had to write this. Thanks.
- AUTHOR
Thank you for reading DreamingBoomer. Much appreciated.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for the great comment lambservant. There have been a lot of hubs written about poor grammar and improving it lately so thought I should add that warning :) thanks for the thumbs up though.
Hi,
Just got home from shopping and this is the first hub my eyes landed on to read. I am still laughing---too cute and funny.
You just might have a niche of your own. Have a great night.
Bobbi Purvis
Very clever and whey too much fun! And thanks for the history lesson on curds and whey. You'll be in my thoughts each time I down my cottage cheese. :) Voted across and sharing everywhere.
I'll be laughing the rest of the day.
Hey that is why I am a poet too. Funny and Fun! Jamie
You did it again, Jodah. You came up with a bit of humour and fun to lighten the day and give us a chuckle. Delightful !
What a hoot, eye lol. Hee..
Haha. I loved your warning. I thought to myself 'Well, I know how poor my grammar and spelling can be. So this hub is a must read for me.' I actually worked with an editor for the first time on Monday. Pretty sure the poor woman is still suffering a migraine because of me. This was a fun read.
You certainly tickled the funny bone with this one. Miss Muffet would be proud. Perhaps, and I say this tongue in cheek, this could be used in Creative writing 101!
Voted up, funny, and awesome!!
Too cute, John. Just shows to go ya spell check ain't worth diddly durn!
I love cheese curds, by the whey - I mean, way!
very clever! (and creative!) I enjoyed your little satire.....
John, John, John, this was a brilliant peace of work. Take that preface of warning out of the article. The wrong grammer is part of the parody so it works grate. It would be a nice enough poem with prefect spelling and grammar, but the parody would be lost. Braking rules works in these situations. I loved this to peaces. You rock, dude.
- AUTHOR
Hey thanks for reading peach purple, good to meet you. Thanks for the vote up too.
- AUTHOR
Wow Bill, to make you cry tears of laughter is the ultimate compliment. I have to keep trying new stuff so I don't bore myself.. :) thanks pal.
Wiping the tears from my eyes.....still wiping....and still wiping....did I mention the tears were caused by laughter?
Way too funny my friend. Your range of genres seems to have no limit.
Cute poem and i just got to know who was the author. Thanks, voted up
lol thats funny too :)
- AUTHOR
Thank you Harisprasad, maybe this poem will act as a teaching aid in some way. Thanks for your kind comment and support.
- AUTHOR
Hi Eric, you saw below the humour here. I was being a little sarcastic and as you say there is some sad truth here. Damn hyphens. :) Thanks for your comment.
- AUTHOR
Thanks for reading Frank, glad you got a laugh.
One version we said as kids was:
Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey,
Along came a spider and sat down beside her,
And she said "Rack off hairy legs"
John: I'm amazed at your creativity- to tell something worthwhile in such a funny way. Though volumes of writing can't convince the guys of the need of correct spelling and grammar, this funny poem conveys it so brilliantly. Great to see a lighter side of you !
Excellent piece, both funny and sad in it's truth. They say the best jokes have a bit of truth in them --- or is that the best lies have a bit of truth in them? (note my unwholy use of hyphens ;-)
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