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My Ode to Miss Muffet: An Imperfect Piece of Writing, and the Value of Spell-Check

Updated on February 8, 2019
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John values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He is a fan of Dr. Seuss, Edward Lear and Shel Silverstein

1940 Poster
1940 Poster | Source

Warning!

I know there are a lot of great writers here at Hub Pages who put a lot of time and effort into perfecting their art. To those people I wish to apologise now and recommend that you do not proceed to read this hub any further. This poem is simply a parody and not intended to offend, so if you are easily offended by bad spelling, grammar, and poor writing in general, please STOP! Read no more.. move on to another hub NOW!

If however you are not easily offended, can laugh at yourself and think there is a place (somewhere) for other writers both good and bad..then, be my guest and please continue to read this poem, "My Ode to Miss Muffet."

I did put this poem through the Hub Pages spell-check and it found no errors....so...enough said.

Little Miss Muffet 2 - WW Denslow - Project Gutenberg etext 18546
Little Miss Muffet 2 - WW Denslow - Project Gutenberg etext 18546 | Source

The Eagles referred to the Porsche Spyder and the death of James Dean in the song "James Dean", using the popular poem "Little Miss Muffet" in the song.

(source: Wikipedia)

Origins and Meaning Of "Little Miss Muffet".

The nursery rhyme "Little Miss Muffet" first appeared in print in 1805, in a book titled Songs for the Nursery. Its origins are unclear, like many such rhymes. Some say it may have been written by Dr Thomas Muffet, an English physician and entomologist, regarding his stepdaughter Patience; others claim it refers to Mary, Queen of Scots, who was said to have been frightened by religious reformer John Knox.

(source: Wikipedia)

Ode to Miss Muffet

To pass the thyme eye like to right,

Eye do it every day and knight.

Sometimes poetry, sometimes prose,

With spell cheque almost anything goes.


It doesn't matter that wee can't spell,

Or if hour gramma has a funny smell.

If you can put your pen to paige

It's possible to urn a wage.


Nouns and verbs they rule the joint,

But punctuation, watts the point?

A semi-colon has no class,

And a colon just a pain in the ass.

Tuffet

1. A small seat or stool covered in fabric so the legs aren't showing

2. A clump of something Eg. A tuffet of grass

Though I really like quotation marques.

Dialogue gives yore righting sparks.

Full stops or comas, which too ewes?

Hold on aisle just go ask my moose.


Poems don't even knead to rime,

Just brake prose into shorter lines.

Most poets don't even knead spell cheque,

They make-up words so watt the heck.


The major reason that I'm a poet,

I'm week at grammar, and don't I no it.

So four anyone two enjoy my words

Please separate the whey from curds.

Little Miss Muffet 1 - Illustration by w:en:William Wallace Denslow from the Project Gutenberg EBook of Denslow's Mother Goose, by Anonymous
Little Miss Muffet 1 - Illustration by w:en:William Wallace Denslow from the Project Gutenberg EBook of Denslow's Mother Goose, by Anonymous | Source

What are Curds and Whey?

In the cheese making process, milk is separated out into solids (curds) and liquid (whey), usually with the aid of rennet, lemon juice or vinegar. The curds are slippery, white and somewhat gelatinous feeling. They taste very acidic early on in the cheese making process, and then mellow out as the lactic fermentation comes along.

The whey looks like cloudy, yellowish water. It tastes just like milk. If the cheese maker owns pigs, they may feed them the extracted whey. Parma hams are from pigs fed on the whey from Parmigiano Reggiano. Other cheese makers convert the whey into ricotta, or cottage cheese, fully extracting the last milk solids from the liquid. But more often than not, the whey ends up being distributed over the farmer’s pasture, fertilizing the land the dairy herd will end up grazing on once more.

What is you favourite nursery rhyme?

See results

© 2014 John Hansen

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