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Ode to Monster Trucks
Oh to see and hear
With mindless pride and fear
Those big muddy wheels
That could crush a beach full of seals
US and Confederate flags waving
Amidst faces not accustomed to shaving
Drinking weak beer
Not exactly sure when to cheer
In dirty baseball hats
Not worrying about remembering any stats
Oh to suck in poisonous gasoline fumes
Is much better than collecting porcelain heirlooms
Oh Monster Truck
How you fly through the air
And spray mud into my hair
What I wouldn't give
To have my Ford F10 live
They way monster trucks do
But I shan't be blue
For I know that I can buy
A Grave Digger t-shirt for twenty-nine ninety fi'
Let's face it, there are not many things that are more enjoyable than monster truck "events". Sick of thinking too much, brooding, worrying etc? Then you have found your event. The shot of pure testosterone that you will experience will even lead women to grow scruffy beards and beer bellies.
You can basically cheer throughout the whole event. People cheer when the engines rev. People cheer when the truck speeds up. People cheer when the trucks fly through the air. People cheer when the trucks make a landing, or when then flip over, or when they pop wheelies. People cheer when other people cheer. It is amazing. Don't show up without a baseball hat though, or without a t-shirt emblazoned with your favorite truck. Or without a short sleeved button down black shirt with flames on it. You just won't fit in if you show up in a cardigan with combed hair and a clean shave. This will lead to not only your sexuality being questioned, but also your patriotism. You better show up in your own pick-up truck too. Do not even think about coming in a hybrid or compact car, or foreign made car. Those are no nos.
So come on down and have a truckin' good time. The smell of mud and gasoline fumes will make men of you all, whether you like it or not. Also, bring either a US or Confederate flag along, or have one flowing from the top of your own truck. This is no place to brag about your Italian or Irish or German ancestry. This is a place to be a truck fan, nothing more or nothing less.