Pages of Time
I find myself looking back
like flipping through the pages
in the book of my life
the one I've been writing
for years now
I never knew exactly how it should begin...
How should the book about my life read?
It could be dramatic, filled with horror, and tales of rising against all odds
but I never wanted to be known as the survivor
My imagination drives me to all sorts of humor and levity,
but I have always had a problem with feeling like I am not being taken seriously, even when it's just in my head
I want to paint a bright picture of hope and explain my past to you as I see it now
only then it might seem that I have never known darkness, or shadow and that would be so far from the truth
Some days I just want to tell one story from my life, about one period, one person, something that touched me
Today I'm reminded of a man in my life who didn't change me but touched me so deeply, that I changed. Of the many men I have had in my life, he was one of the few I have loved because he showed me that I was beautiful. He made me feel beautiful inside and out. He listened to my dreams and made me feel as if I could do anything. I adored him - I loved the sound of his voice, the smell of him, the feel of his touch, and the way he looked at me. Any time with him was never enough. And he was a man like none I had ever known. He loved life, cared for all kinds of people, enjoyed new experiences, and even adored my quirkiness. We had so much fun no matter what we were doing. And we were always into something interesting, but what touched me is that he loved my dog as much as I did. And Teddy looked forward to walking, running and playing with him.
Somehow in life's way, it ended all too soon - got too complicated and I moved away chasing some dream. He went off traveling to foreign lands, scaling mountains, scuba diving, flying, etc. and we faded into grey.
Years passed...we talked last night. He sounded so cheerful on the phone and said he wants to see me again. We caught up on life and at the same time it was knowing we were the same two people and nothing had really changed between us. And now I can't keep that book closed on that chapter of my life. I spent today trying to do the other things I needed to do and always my mind went back to the "what if..?"
We are in really different places this time, I believe in better places. Things only get better with age. What am I afraid of?