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Paul Is Dead Part 8

Updated on April 30, 2010

WILLIAM CAMPBELL
Er... I’m not really used to the star treatment, Mr. Ep... Brian. The only other time I was on a plane was to go to my dad’s funeral in Winnipeg.

BRIAN
As Allan probably told you, we bought out your contract.

WILLIAM CAMPBELL
Yes, I understand. But it begs the question of what in the world you would want with me! I’m just an amateur who won a lookalike contest.

BRIAN
William. It’s rather complicated... It started about five weeks ago when...

Intercom buzzes, interrupting BRIAN. He goes to hit the button, but the door to his office already swings open and JOHN enters, wearing a crumpled suit with a full week’s beard. He looks like he hasn’t slept since the funeral. WILLIAM CAMPBELL swivels around and gazes unbelievingly at his musical idol.

John!

WILLIAM CAMPBELL
Ah... Mr. Lennon... er...

JOHN looks up and down at WILLIAM CAMPBELL.

JOHN
And just wot the f**k do you want me to do with him?

BRIAN
Pull up a chair, John, and we’ll...

JOHN
I don’t have to be sitting on my arse to know that this is a f**king joke.

BRIAN
John, we just brought William in from Canada and...

JOHN
I don’t care if you brought in a plane load of frozen moose s**te. If you want to crash and burn your career with this bloke you can, but you can count me out! F**k this!

JOHN storms out and slams the door.

BRIAN
(looks sheepishly at WILLIAM CAMPBELL and clicks the intercom)
Sally... change that to one Coke and a double gin and tonic.

CUT TO:

42. INT. RECORDING STUDIO - NIGHT.
BRIAN is nervously fretting by the tape machines. GEORGE MARTIN has WILLIAM CAMPBELL to the side of the iso booth and is giving him pointers in a very elementary fashion. GEORGE HARRISON and RINGO are over by the drum set sharing a doobie and trying not to look over towards JOHN now sporting a somewhat longer beard and who is glaring ice-cold daggers towards GEORGE MARTIN and WILLIAM CAMPBELL.

GEORGE MARTIN
(in a polite semi-whisper)
Did you take voice lessons in Canada?

WILLIAM CAMPBELL
Not really. But I had my cousin give me some pointers. She was in the Lindsay church choir for years.

JOHN has had enough and starts towards WILLIAM CAMPBELL and GEORGE MARTIN. GEORGE HARRISON and RINGO immediately snap back to avoiding eye contact. BRIAN just winces.

JOHN
George, just wot the f**k are we trying to accomplish here?

GEORGE MARTIN
This is going to take time, John. Maybe it would be a good idea if you, George and Ringo take the rest of the day off so I can work with William. Then tomorrow afternoon...

JOHN
...tomorrow afternoon we can call a press conference to announce that we’ve all lost our f**king minds!

GEORGE MARTIN
You need to give me some time, John...

JOHN
Time to ruin all of us forever? Make us the laughingstock of the world?

BRIAN
John, come on, man.

JOHN
Brian, we didn’t come this far to blow it all up! We’re gonna get crucified! Cynthia looks more like Paul. And sings more like him too!

WILLIAM CAMPBELL
Now, that’s really unfair, Mr. Lennon...

JOHN stops in the middle of his tirade to stare down WILLIAM CAMPBELL.

JOHN
Listen up, you Canuck fuzz s**tehead...

BRIAN
This may not have been such a good idea...

------------------------------------------------------------------

If you're a producer and you want to know the rest of it, the script is available for optioning or sale. And it's not cheap!

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