ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Pay Me or Not

Updated on November 2, 2014

I like it this way--all alone at the kitchen watching the fire burning from the coals, waiting for the water to reach its boiling point so I could go back to the living room--oh, no, let me correct that, I mean to the dining room which I consider living room for I isolate myself there everyday, not to eat, but to write new ideas, new words tailored by my right hand and give life to my inspirations and day dreams.

The truth is I don't know if I could get anything from writing--from writing using a language that is no stranger to me but definitely not my mother tongue. I don't know and I'm not sure if anybody reads my works but it's alright. It's fine. I don't care. I don't really care whether I get paid for spending my time and efforts in using my hand and imagination or not. What matters to me is I finally found a friend that understands and listens to me every time. It's been nine years--nine years since I first created my nonsense poetry, no it's not a genre because it's really nonsense, along with a nonsense novel. But those nine years was no nonsense to me because in those nine years, I've been creating my life in the world of pen and paper. I used to be a senseless writer, that's what I call myself. I used to write diaries which I would burn whenever my brothers would discover it. I also used to write poetry without meaning, plays without endings and anything that inspired or pissed me off. And in those nine years, I promised myself that someday I would be read by the entire universe. My life is full of words, letters and drama. When the writer was born inside me, an actress was born, too. Whenever I would watch movies, I didn't notice it but I would memorize the lines which blew my mind. I would imitate the actors--how they speak, how they move, how they throw dialogues and so, I decided to enter the world of stage plays. My first play was also nine years ago. It was long ago but I could still see myself in that pathetic play portraying the role of the antagonist whose lines were meant to be spoken or delivered with a loud voice--a loud irritating and intimidating voice. From then on, I always dreamed of performing on a bigger stage with bigger number of spectators wearing colorful and bizarre costumes, memorizing better scripts, performing more mature roles and being applauded not being laughed at anymore. I never get good payment for those plays but it's alright--applause is the best talent fee for me.

I cannot understand why people are after money. If you don't get paid, you have the worst job ever, well it's not even called a job. If you don't have the money they will call you broke. But if you have the money or a good salary and you aren't happy, you still have the worst job on Earth. So, which is which? I'm no hypocrite so I admit I dream to be rich, to live in luxury, to be famous and powerful, it's human nature, isn't it? But there was this boy who told me that if I want to be what I want to be, I will never achieve it by being a writer wannabe or a frustrated theater actress. Oh, that boy...he's the most beautiful boy I've ever saw. I like him and he likes me, too but the problem is we are separated by those very long roads and deep oceans. I know someday, I will be with him. I will buy him, if I have to.

Oh, how stupid I am. Why am I sharing this to you? It's supposed to be private. Well, I think I don't have to worry because not everybody is interested to read this. Maybe because I want to get paid? or maybe I want to be read? Perhaps, I do not know the reason as of the moment but sooner I will. It's like figuring out why the sky is blue, why the moon floats, why I was born with this name, why you have two eyes, why your fingers aren't the same in length and why the hell you are reading this.

I love it this way--talking to myself, thinking of what would happen tomorrow.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Valorie Esquilona profile imageAUTHOR

      Valorie Esquilona 

      5 years ago from Philippines

      Oh,thank you Kamalesh. I am happy that someone like you reads and appreciates my work, thanks for dropping by!

    • Kamalesh050 profile image


      5 years ago from Sahaganj, Dist. Hooghly, West Bengal, India

      Enjoyed reading your article. Keep writing my friend and please don't give up. Voted Up &Beautiful.

      Best Wishes, Kamalesh

    • Valorie Esquilona profile imageAUTHOR

      Valorie Esquilona 

      5 years ago from Philippines

      thank you Miss Gypsy Rose for your encouraging and inspiring words. I don't keep any diary right now but I'm planning to have one again. My dream is to publish a book someday, hahaha that's too ambitious of me to say but I believe dreams are free, aren't they?

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      5 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      You know you have potential in expressing your thoughts. I like the way you write this as if you're speaking straight to the reader. Writing can be frustrating and we never know how many people will read us. Basically the idea is to make a list of what you could write about and then just start putting your thoughts to paper. It's a lot of hard work but if you really want to write you just have to keep trying. If you have anymore diaries now don't burn them. You know from them you can get a lot of inspiration. Wising you lots of luck and never give up.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)