ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

Pee in the shower: Taboo or a God given rite of manhood?

Updated on March 16, 2012


Two heads are better than one.
Two heads are better than one. | Source

I got caught, thanks to folly!

The Folly:

My wife of 11 years noticed the other morning that I had not used the toilet. She had noticed the lid was in the down position, I do not leave the lid down, and of this she is keenly aware. She confronted me like a lawyer would, knowing the answer to the questions, but asking the questions that can only lead to one ultimate answer. The one she wants, of which I am guilty.

The Plea:

As usual, I begin my torrid day by hitting snooze 8 times. At 5:27 A.M I rise, eyes crusty with the nights sleep. My brain is fogged and not fully awakened. The first thing I need to do in my morning ritual is the same as everyone else in the world. I am only assuming and making generalities, I don't know for a fact, but chances are good I am accurate. That need is of course the "Code Red" need to evacuate the bladder. The bladder becomes full as one sleeps for an extended period, but this is not always the case. Sometimes the bladder is only slightly filled and the urge to evacuate is not present when one awakens for a day of adventure.

On these non "Code Red" days I will go straight to the shower and get the water flowing. While the water is running to achieve the proper temperature and comfort level that I enjoy, I will brush my teeth and gargle with Scope. When this is done, I check the water temperature in the shower. If it is acceptable I begin my shower. First thing that I do in a shower is shampoo my hair. As the warm water flows through my hair and down to the drain, somewhere along the way it flows across my hidden "Code Red" evacuate the bladder button. When this button has been activated there is only one solution and that is my dilemma.

The Dilemma:

Being faced with this, I will make snap decision and let it fly into the drain. My wife says this is unsanitary and says I should get out of the shower and pee in the toilet.

The Pros:

This is a valuable time saver in the morning especially when one is running late.

Saved time by multi-tasking i.e.: Shampoo hair while peeing.

Safe operation as it is completely hands free.

The Cons:

Exiting the shower while wet and water is running substantially raises the all too real risk of a hip shattering fall or possibly a concussive impact to the head.

Everything gets wet including the toilet seat when an exit is made during a shower.

A risk of electrical shock.

Damn it is cold in the morning, even during summer months.

The Conclusion:

I welcome any input on this matter. Pro or Con, please help me convince my wife that my son and I have the God given rite of manhood to pee in the shower, and on ant hills.



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • helmutbiscut profile image

      helmutbiscut 6 years ago from Ohio

      I'd have to go with safety first...

    • profile image

      A MAN 7 years ago

      i also did got caught

      and i loved it

    • profile image

      College boy 7 years ago

      When I was a little kid I would pee in the tub while mom was giving me a bath. That made her angry, because it was dirty. I loved it.

      As I got older and was able to bathe my self, I continued to pee in the tub. During high school I would lie in the empty tub and pee on my self. It became very sexy. Here in college, I found that my roommate peed all over himself, before turning on the shower. I saw him do it and found it very erotic. I stepped in while he was peeing and was covered by it. I came without touching my self. He was scarred until I told him I did the same at home in the tub.

      We are now lovers and pee on eachother in the morning before class and in the evening before going to bed making love.

    • profile image

      Chauffeur 7 years ago

      Isn't it normal?

    • profile image

      ilike2peeintheshower 7 years ago

      im a girl its sterile and it will wash away what's the big deal

    • profile image

      lesmace 7 years ago

      The warm water makes me pee everytime! I think its weird if you don't pee in the shower. My boyfriend said he never pees in the shower and I encourage him to try it.

    • HubCrafter profile image

      HubCrafter 8 years ago from Arizona

      Hi Ole Number One:

      I can't talk about the pee thing. I'm still washing my hands.

      So. You married this Mother Theresa like saint who can hold up under the stress of you being you. Why you just gotta pee and tell, now? You know she's grossed out. Is it a Sinatra, "I gotta be ME" thing, or what, lol.

      The whole 'gross and tell' thing. It's just hard-wired into being a guy. Isn't it?

      I mean; one guy smells death coming from the refrigerator and he's just GOTTA shove it under his buddies nose. "Smell this. It's gross!".

      Girls? Nah. They just pop out an EEK! And march it to the trash can like it's a mouse.

      Yeah. There's a gal or two who share the urge to gross and tell. But that's just bein en-culturated by too many brothers... and maybe Dad tells fart jokes.

      Personally, I just don't think women have the genetic aptitude for grossology that men have.

      Ever since men learned to make fire by rubbing two sticks together...they've been making gross noises and laughing about it.

      But really's no gift from God to gross out your old lady. He's probably disappointed the whole flood thing didn't get rid of the problem. Once and for all, lol.


    • profile image

      sandra rinck 10 years ago

      peeing in the shower is priceless, it's not just for men you know.

    • Ole Number One profile image

      Tim Hyde 10 years ago from Louisiana

      Not so much a story. Thanks, you have dashed my dreams. I hope to be more like you one day, I took some notes while I read over and over your essay to me.

      Your non-use of the shift key is the most noticable of your outstanding qualifications in the area of literary criticisms. Next, I noticed in your seething opinion column, well worded may I add, a lack of punctuation, or for that matter, a lack of basic sentences. That is writing, thanks for your usage of the English langauge in all facets.

    • profile image

      ponyboyxpress 10 years ago

      retarded story boy

    • profile image

      Buddy 10 years ago

      It could be worse - peeing when taking a bath. Suggest to your wife that she doesn't know how lucky she is.

      Also, save some money; gargle with hydrogen peroxcide. Healthier and a fraction of Scope's cost. Also, spit the H2O2 out in the shower and disinfect the shower floor too.

    • peeroid profile image

      peeroid 10 years ago

      how about just taking you a bucket in the shower.when through just dump it.PROBLEM SOLVED!!!!! :) PEEROID!!!!!!!

    • profile image

      bigdaddyslady 10 years ago

      Ok, husband of mine... That is gross plain and simple. If the urge strikes while in the shower, YOU HOLD IT! I mean dang, men are in the shower roughly 7-8 minutes. The urge didn't strike until about 2 minutes into it. So we are talking about having to hold it for a maximum of 6 minutes. I know I am speaking from a woman's point of view, but surely guys have SOME control over that organ at SOME point of the day. Love