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Pickup Line (Limerick)

Updated on July 11, 2012

First Attempt

This is my first attempt at a Limerick; I hope you all enjoy. I am not sure if I wrote it correctly, so if you are experienced in writing Limericks, please offer me some advice!



Are you from the state of Tennessee

Because you're the only ten I see

Your hair is so smooth

You're in the groove

Will you pretty please go out with me?


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      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      No, I am not from Tennessee, but thanks. LOL. just kidding. I remember saying this line to someone before. Very good hub for being your first attempt. That is a good pickup line. (band-aid and hearts) Voted up!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, good one! Thanks for stopping by Doc! Hey would you mind if I ask you your name? So, I don't have to keep calling you Doc, unless you like that name. Thanks for the vote!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Better than any limerick I could write; I'm positive of that fact. Great first job but man oh man, don't use that pickup line on a real, live woman. LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Wow, Bill, surprised to see you still up! :) , Whoops too late, no wonder why I am single (just kidding) Well, I am single, but you know what I mean LOL. Don't worry, I will never attempt it in real life!

    • leroy64 profile image

      Brian L. Powell 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

      Does it work as a pick up line? Actually, a collection of bad pick up lines might be a good forum topic, or hub.

      It's a good first hub. You could try adding more limericks in separate capsules over time. Doing that will increase your word count and keep the hub fresh. Do a search on this site for limericks. There are several excellent hubs about writing limericks.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks so much leroy64! Appreciate the advice!

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Ha ha......you'd better not use this pick up line unless the girl's your way-younger-sister! Great job....hey, think limerick writing might be a poetry niche for you! This is cute.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Michelle and no, I will not use this line in real life, honest! :) Oh really? Thanks, I will keep that in mind. Hey, I just want to say thanks for being so loyal to me the past few days. You have been very supportive!

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      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      My name is Marlene. Lol..

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Nice to meet you Marlene :) And you all ready know mine, thanks.

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      lovedoctor926 4 years ago

      Nice to meet you too:) I think you are just as funny as me,. Lol...

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      No problem. Always giving literature lovers a boost. Limericks are nonsense, with sense...they can carry a funny, but cryptic message too. You could challenge yourself by writing one that sends a serious message in a funny way....that one will draw comments, I'll say!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Ok thanks Michelle, I will try that out sometime, perhaps tomorrow night :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, thanks Marlene :)

    • MargaritaEden profile image

      MargaritaEden 4 years ago from Oregon

      Josh! Its very cute and catchy, you are talented! yes, any girl in her right mind should like that! :)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks margarita for stopping by! :)

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 4 years ago from Southern Nevada

      I think Margarita is right about your limerick, Joyce.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Joyce for stopping by! :)

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Thanks for putting a huge smile on my face. Just don't let it get to your head. I'm eagerly awaiting the next limerick from you.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, don't worry about that LOL I will attempt another one tonight! Thanks!

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Oh Josh - Every aspect of your personality is awesome!! Very cute and funny.

      The best line I ever received was from a little boy who asked me "If my parents say its ok, will you be my babysitter?" LOL

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks so much Becki, I really appreciate it! :)

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      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      Hahahaha!! (watasmile).. This is pretty cute! All my votes.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, M, thanks for stopping by! Glad you enjoyed it! I am doing a few more tonight! :) And thanks for the votes! :)

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      I only know one limerick. It starts off: "There once was a man from Nantucket..." Tee hee. Very cute diddy. Let us all know if you have any success with this.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha thanks Tammy I will let you know :) lol

    • unknown spy profile image

      IAmForbidden 4 years ago from Neverland - where children never grow up.

      No worries J :)

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Oh... you just did a limerick to get this comment :)) good job

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Haha, thanks MH! :)

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Oi, Josh, your next limerick is due for moderation! Lol!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks, and it is now out! :)

    • snowdrops profile image

      snowdrops 4 years ago from The Second Star to the Right

      Hello Josh. Wonderful limerick!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Hey snow! Thanks! :)

    • chef-de-jour profile image

      Andrew Spacey 4 years ago from Near Huddersfield, West Yorkshire,UK

      Young Josh from old Pennsylvania

      Had a thing for the girls, a mania,

      His most dandy trick

      Was a cute limerick

      Which gave all the girls acute pain(ia)!

      Keep up with the poems! All the girls love a poem.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks chef, I really appreciate it, nice limerick! :)

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 4 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Josh! Write a hub on epic falls when asking a girl out! :) Trust me.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      HAHA, great idea TT! :)

    • Ann1Az2 profile image

      Ann1Az2 4 years ago from Orange, Texas

      Good one! Clever. An expert on limericks is Mhatter99. Check his out if you haven't already.

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks I have! He is awesome! :)

    • DanaTeresa profile image

      Dana Strang 4 years ago from Ohio

      SO CUTE! I love this!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Thanks Dana, appreciate it! :)

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Awesome! One day I hope to take the time to learn to limerick! :)

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Another one I missed previously and just so happy to get to read this one now too. Again, Josh your humor constantly amazes me and is totally refreshing. Voted up and shared too!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Janine,

      Thanks again, glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for your encouraging comments. You are too kind!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Linda,

      You definitely should try it out! :). You know one person who drop over in a heartbeat and read it! :)

    • Jools99 profile image

      Jools99 4 years ago from North-East UK

      Ha Ha Josh! I really liked this one. I cannot write limericks to save my life - the form is so concise, well done you :o)

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Julie,

      Glad you liked it. I am have been learning, they are difficult to write!

    • carter06 profile image

      Mary 4 years ago from Cronulla NSW

      Oh my gosh this is so funny! I love the bandaid trick...surely it would work yeah?? :) VUA& Shared...

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Carter,

      Thanks for reading, voting, and sharing. Glad you enjoyed it!

    • josh3418 profile image
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      Joshua Zerbini 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Sirgeov,

      Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it. And nice addition, thanks!

    • No_Clue profile image

      No_Clue 4 years ago

      If someone sent this to me, Tennessee or not, I would accept!

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