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Poem: A Journey to the land of Nod

Updated on February 20, 2013
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'Where are you taking me?' slurred I.

The blurry figure swayed and sighed

above me as I daz-ed sat,

upon what was probably my doormat,

The figure mumbled hocus-pocus,

I slipped and head-butted my ford focus.


Mystic forces dragged me standing,

en route I threw up on the landing.

How was I in the bathroom so soon?

Face to the mirror I tried to groom.


I couldn't remember getting there,

and vaguely noticed I was bare...

A hidden hand thrust mightily.

I fell in the tub like a wounded tree.

Then screamed wildly thrashing 'bout

against the tiles like a drowning trout.

I was in the bathtub! Where were my clothes?!

And who was in charge of that damnable hose?


That jet of ice cold horrid water,

I lunged and but for spray I'd've caught her!

Eventually the torrent ceased

and from my drench-ed pris'n released,

I clambered shivering with the cold,

my knee was aching, dear God I felt old!

Twas then as the worst of my drink haze departed

I saw where I was and sighed, down-hearted.


My cognizance returning now,

I turned my eyes upon my wife,

Her eyes said, gazing sternly now,

'Be thankful I didn't use a knife!'


Shaking wearily her head

my wife with finger outstretched said

'Go on with you now, off to bed!

If not I'll bloomin' kill you dead!'

I hung my head, gave thanks to God,

crawled safe into the land of nod...

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    • Maggie Bennett profile image

      Maggie Bennett 4 years ago from New York

      Funny indeed! I liked it.

    • Dan Barfield profile image
      Author

      Dan Barfield 4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England, UK

      Thanks for the compliment Maggie! Much appreciated :)

    • profile image

      QueenBex 4 years ago

      Hahaha! great humour!

      Nicely paced :)

    • Dan Barfield profile image
      Author

      Dan Barfield 4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England, UK

      Thank you Queenbex - this was a fun one to write :)

    • tammyswallow profile image

      Tammy 4 years ago from North Carolina

      Powerful poem! Very funny but yet deep. Loved it!

    • shanmarie profile image

      Shannon 4 years ago from Texas

      Haha! Nice disclaimer. ;)

    • Made profile image

      Madeleine Salin 4 years ago from Finland

      It isn't easy to be a man, and not always to be his wife either, LOL!

    • Dan Barfield profile image
      Author

      Dan Barfield 4 years ago from Gloucestershire, England, UK

      @tammyswallow - glad you enjoyed it :)

      @shanmarie - I asure you that I value my life more than to be in that state in front of my wife :)

      @Made - I concur whole-heartedly!

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