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Poem - Wherefore Art Thou Statistics?

Updated on November 3, 2010

Oh moderator hear my plea
For I must humbly beseech thee
And apologize for thinking statistically
And beg that you not banish me
For I so love this artful community
But alas I am an accountant so unfortunately
I must protest rather egotistically
About how my statistics behave sporadically
I wonder if they will update eventually
I surrender to your judgment rather meekly
And will go now to smolder quietly
While my numerical worth remains in purgatory

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    • light82 profile image

      light82 6 years ago from USA

      Let the Suburban Poet stay on Hub Pages. He writes nice poems, and I always read them. ~Light82

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      They're not threatening me but I thought I'd preempt any hard feelings by bowing down before Oz while asking for a trip back to Kansas so to speak...

      I figured I'd ask "poetically" when my stats will update...

    • Christopher Price profile image

      Christopher Price 6 years ago from Vermont, USA

      I quickly learned not to agonize too much about my stats here. They seem to fluctuate with little rhyme or reason. No one comments on any of my hubs for a full day and my score goes up 3 points!?!

      And my Karma number hasn't changed in weeks. I'm afraid if I die like this I'll be reincarnated as a cockroach.

      Just one piece of advice...ignore the man behind the curtain.

      CP

    • Dawn71 profile image

      Dawn71 6 years ago from UK

      Your poem expressed your frustrations perfectly, the stats just don't make sense a lot of the time. Liked this, made me smile

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Thanks Christopher and Dawn... I thought I'd have some fun with it.. I saw how Bobbirant dedicated some hubs to this topic so this little ditty sprang to life....

    • Jeremey profile image

      Jeremey 6 years ago from Arizona

      To get your mind off the stats for a minute, what cause the "accolades" to come and go? ..........Wait I bet it has a statistical basis!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      I think I have given up on how they do what THEY do...My number score can dance between 91 and 87...WHY...Mmmmm. I think Christopher Price sums it up so well...except for the "cockroach" part.

    • profile image

      scriber1 6 years ago

      Although this poem is hysterically funny -- and as such different than your ordinary introspective work -- your continued evolution as a poet continues to be impressive......

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Thanks Jeremey, B. Malin and scribert1... I see we all have felt the same pain...

      And thank you scribert for the accolades... seriously.... that sort of thing makes my day.

    • earnestshub profile image

      earnestshub 6 years ago from Melbourne Australia

      Very funny. I needed that! My stats have been crazy this week.

      You write well. I don't read much poetry here. You may enjoy the work of attemptedhumour here on hubpages, he makes me laugh too. Good writing!.

    • jill of alltrades profile image

      jill of alltrades 6 years ago from Philippines

      I enjoyed this. It's a nice and funny way of dealing with stats!

      Thanks for sharing!

    • profile image

      daPuma5 6 years ago

      If I looked at my stats since joining Hub Pages I'd probably quit. I feel your pain, maybe I'll look tomorrow, or maybe not.

    • Nellieanna profile image

      Nellieanna Hay 6 years ago from TEXAS

      haha/ I came into Hubpages so green that it took me awhile even to wonder about that silly number, and then more to figure it out. When I did, it sort of made me doubt my excellent IQ score, which may be as flakey as the stat scores are on here are, all things considered! I have to wonder what propels them though. I'm not big on scorekeeping in real life, so they don't much bother me, except when highest scores go to items and reporters one might find on the back page of an almost defunct newspaper. Better to just ignore these reflections of someone's good or bad day, I think. Or reply with a cute tongue-in-cheek rant poem. I like it, SP. Wonder what score it will get??

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @earnesthub,

      Thanks for commenting and the recommendation. I shouldn't care but I do/did so why not have some fun!

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Jill - glad you liked it and I appreciate you coming to the hub... looks like this is a common frustration around here....

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @dapuma5,

      Thank you and maybe you have it right; why look? But it's hard not to care... at least for me anyway... guess I need my back patted....

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Nellieanna,

      Yep that's it... we'll see what kind of score it merits... maybe the moderators will like it!

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      I'll tell you something funny about these stats: I have a poem that is sitting unpublished but it has three views and is moving up the charts in terms of it's score....

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

      This is an excellent poem I so did enjoy it, as far as those stats go forget them do not even think abut them. my karma stat was at 98 at one time shocked me, stayed there for like a week then dropped down to an 88 in the blink of an eye. wow, did someone die! I do everything they ask then get dropped a few, do nothing and go up a few, so now I just write and enjoy the view.

      Danced on your taps. :D hugs :D

    • debbiesdailyviews profile image

      debbiesdailyviews 6 years ago

      This Adds up Totaly hahahaaha

      Score's-Bore's

      I enjoy so much reading your poetry, thoughts, and comments.

      It is lighthearted, and at same time very clever.

      You have great tallent, and quite a fan club, of which I am one.

      A big vote up from me. : ]

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Sage, My karma is stuck at 8! You got to 98? Dang you must be on your way to heaven! THanks for the ocmments and you are right; we should just enjoy the view and stop worrying about the numbers...

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Thank you Debbie... it just popped into my head. I appreciate you commenting on my stuff so consistenly and regaling me with your kindness...

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 6 years ago from Barefoot Island

      hey hey but remember the but,,, it dropped to an 88 in the blink of an eye the other day. I think they figured somebody made a booboo. hehe just ignore them I do, ignore them that is ... hugs aloha :D

    • Juliette Morgan profile image

      Juliette Morgan 6 years ago

      There's no accounting, rhyme or reason for the scores on the doors to our hubs, the portals are seemingly judged by higher mortals than you and I..Enjoyed a laugh, thanks!

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      Aloha back Sa'ge and I'm jealous if you're in Hawaii... Since we spoke I've dropped from 91 - 88! Oh well...

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 6 years ago from Austin, Texas

      That's right Juliette. Who are we to question the mighty moderators!?! Thanks for commenting and I knew others had some questions about the numbers so I decided to bring the subject back up with a bit of rhyme for us poets....

    • snakeslane profile image

      snakeslane 5 years ago from Canada

      Hey The Suburban Poet it's 11 months later and your poem remains on the "Best" list in nonsense verse...congratulations! snakeslane

    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @snakeslane - Nonsense verse? What an honor! ha... at least I'm good at something. It might as well be nonsense!

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