How to not despair?
Alone in this unlit room upstairs
Windows closed on a bright sunny day
Emotions coming as memories play
How to feel okay?
If my mind keeps plunging on unwanted thoughts
Remembering scenes from not long ago
Every single rejection in replay
Your old teacher once asked the class if that day was anyone's
It was yours.
But you were too shy to tell everyone
Thinking you weren't special enough to be recognized
Your old friends proved you right
They didn't remember either.
You didn't know it then but you would be spending a lot more birthdays like that
The 16th, the 17th, the 18th - they all went by unnoticed
On your 19th you saw an old friend
She didn't remember either.
Your companions even asked you about her - not you -
She was the only one who caught people's attention
One of your closer friends greeted an acquaintance with a photo edited especially for him
An effort you didn't experience on your own day
And it hurts.
It hurts as hell.
How do you not feel sad?
This is everyday of my life
I'm not sure I even want it anymore.