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Prose - What Could Be So Bad?

Updated on November 26, 2011

What could be so bad
That I would live apart
From my little girl?
What could be so bad
That I would live apart
From my boy?
I don’t know what is so wrong
Or what is so unacceptable
That I could ask them to understand
Without saying it out loud
But the feeling I have
Is one of fear
Fear of anger
And hatred
Not of a woman
But of myself
And how I feel
When we are cross
And sadness
For a question
That my kids should never ask
That they should never think
But that they asked
Of me
And of her
So I had to leave
The thought of goodbye
Tears me up inside
Yet it brings comfort
Because they see the good
In me
Their father
Because the fear
Of strife
Is gone from their life
And I see the joy
In them
My children
When I arrive
After our time apart
Inside our love builds
And explodes on the impact
Of a hug
And a kiss
And I know how much they love me
And how they understand me
And my problems
With their mother
But being a man
Is so hard
And being their father
Is such a privilege
But must I love their mother
To love them?
Must I take the chance
For hate
Just for the chance
For love that already exists?
Must I take the chance
For fear
When calm exists?
Must I take the chance
For sorrow
When happiness exists?
Are they lonely
When I’m not there?
Is their mother angry
Because I’m not there?
Have I abandoned them
Because I cannot live with her?
No matter my love
Or my attention
I’m the one who left
No matter the blame
Or the fighting
I’m the one who left
With this I must live
I must trade guilt
Debilitating guilt
For sanity
For health
For stability
For a home
For them
Because two people
Cannot rise above themselves
Instead we remain apart
But I will not be apart
For my heart is there
As is my presence
In their lives
This is what I can do
This is what I will do
I will live as a poor man
On the poor side of town
So they can live in their home
Near their friends
Near their schools
Near normalcy
So that my weaknesses
Do not change their lives
So they can live their lives
As a child should be able

And I will live as a lonely man
Alone with no woman
If that's what it takes
I will live for them
Until they can live for themselves
Then I will live again
But today
I remain
Alone
But tomorrow
I will be with them
And they will know
Of my love
Of my approval
Of my pride
Of my happiness
And then I will leave
With a promise
To return
And I will



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    • The Suburban Poet profile image
      Author

      The Suburban Poet 5 years ago from Austin, Texas

      @Senoritaa - Thank you.... yeah but it's not all bad... It's an attempt to put the children first in spite of a bad relationship...

    • Senoritaa profile image

      Senoritaa 6 years ago

      Touching and sad. Good one!