Published With Strength!
I wish cried happy tears when I think of you
But I am very lonely without either of you
I cry, yes this is true
I can only hope you are happy
And missing me too
I can only hope that you know the truth
The truth of how much I love you
Deeper than anything can ever be
I can't put into words how much you both amaze me
I know I am not there to see it
But, all I can do is hope you believe it is so
Some may say I care for a man whom I barely know
More than I care about either of you
But, please know that just ain't so
I am equal in my love for all of you
Some in different ways
I am eternally grateful for all of you
I desire to protect you all and keep you safe from harm
And give all of you true love that's unconditional
Now I will tell you kids how I love
With a fire that burns in my heart forever
I made mistakes with all of you
But, I don't regret one day of it
It made us all grow
Someday though, we'll all meet
And fall in love all over again
Laying It On The Line
I recently published my first book. I have been trying to get published since I graduated high school. But, I have been an author all my life. I started off writing about being bullied in school. That was not easy. As an adult though, I never thought I'd have to go through it again. I thought people grew up after high school and didn't whine about who people liked anymore. What the heck? The one star book rating was very funny to me though. Not because I am being arrogant about it by saying that I should have received more stars. I just find it funny that a person who tries to come off as smarter than I am lacked in originality by saying lol. But, I guess I expected too much. To me, it just means that they don't have the courage or patience to put out their own book.
It wasn't easy to write again after losing my kids, going through a divorce, moving to a completely different state and going through social media issues. None of the social media issues were Dominic Monaghan's fault at all. I don't blame him at all for any of it. It wasn't my fault either. I have learned by experience that if situations arise that have nothing to do with you, that you should mind your own business. It was the outside sources that caused the issues in the first place. I told Dominic that I cared for him. It doesn't matter how it was said. It was toward him and no one else. I don't troll what his followers say to him because I don't care. It doesn't interest me at all.
People say they worry I'm going to hurt Dominic, but I don't believe that one bit. I think they are worried Dominic will see right through them and go toward something where he won't need them anymore. I consider myself a huge threat. So did Dom's followers or they wouldn't have kept telling me to stop tweeting Dominic constantly. They continue to go to great lengths to push me away from Dom. Good luck! That hasn't worked in over two years and it never will. They lie, judge, obsess etc. Everything that I am against.
The lies – saying that Dominic Monaghan has a girlfriend/fiance. He might. But, it's not anyone who he's following on Twitter.
The judging – This is what strikes me as the most funny. They try to come off as if they are helping, but in actuality they just can't accept someone has feelings for Dominic Monaghan as a person because they only see him as an actor. They think they know people and their true feelings. There is one who claims to be a psychiatrist who does this all the time. I feel sorry for her clients. She's the most overly judgmental one of them all. Why would you want someone like that for a therapist?
The obsessing - They obsess over Dominic Monaghan and where he's going to be 24/7. Now, they are obsessing over me too. Hmmm, I wonder if there is a reason behind that... They better enjoy it while it lasts.
I've tried being kind to these people for Dom's sake, but after all that was said toward me ignorantly by them, I just don't have the strength anymore. All I can do is just forgive and move forward.
One time, I tried to get along with Evelien when she tweeted me. Wish I had kept that tweet to turn it into the police as evidence for harassment towards Dominic Monaghan. She was freaking out about someone posing as Dom on Facebook. I just shrugged it off and unfriended them. I didn't care. It was their Facebook page not mine. Evelien kept trying to tell me to block and report the “poser”. She seemed very obsessed with the idea in the first place. I was thinking, “Okay, Evelien, who cares?” I considered telling her to stop obsessing over it, but chose not to reply after that.
I also vent online from time to time. I will usually talk about people that make me mad, but won't use any names. They confronted me on this matter just to put the spotlight on them. I wouldn't judge them if they hadn't judged me first. They have their own opinions about me because they know nothing about me except for the fact that I love Dominic. I don't really judge. I get mad because they are insulting me for no reason.
None of us really know each other at all. But, I am going by messages I have received from them and what I have noticed by tweeting Dom since 2013.
But, even with all this going on, I still took the time to write. My writing improved more after all this as well. It was angry writing, but eh. Eminem does it all the time and he's a billionaire. But, just like him, I write because I enjoy it and why not profit from it financially as well? I'm not going to stop writing just because people don't agree or believe everything I say. I'm still going to say it because it comes from the heart. Yeah, I shouldn't splash my personal feelings online, but I'm not afraid to admit who I am. Honestly, it's everyone's choice whether they want to listen to what I have to say or not. I don't force people to respond. Sometimes I wish they wouldn't, but I am glad they did because I learned and grew from every response. I have come out of the mud a much stronger person because of it.
Writing this book was very difficult. It was an accomplishment in itself. I feel as if I got to the top of a mountain that I have been climbing for years. So it's a great feeling to achieve this long time dream of mine. It was a long time in coming, but it arrived at the perfect time.
The book is 805 pages long and doesn't even get to the Dominic Monaghan section in the Amazon Kindle preview which is the longest section next to the huge novel that was written by one of my best friend's Kristina and I. We started it as a sequel to the parody of Fellowship of the Ring film that we started in 2001. We started the one in my book started back in 2002 soon after I fell hard for Dominic.
Kristina and I had so much fun with it. Most of the content was based on spontaneous ideas that randomly popped into our heads at that moment or days later. Those ended up being the most memorable and funniest parts of our work. I am going to praise my book because I have the utmost faith in it. I am confident that every word written is brilliant and a work of art never seen before.
I started writing plays, well, scripts at age ten. I wrote about crushes I had starting in elementary school.
All in all, this has been a roller coaster ride. I never have like roller coasters to be honest. But, I would do it all over again to be where I am today. There's still a lot that even I don't know, but I do know this...things are going to iron out very, very soon.
My Quote That Fits Me Just Right
My Published Book!
- Amazon.com: Don't Judge Me By My Cover eBook: Samantha Marcus: Kindle Store
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