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Quirky Quips: Jokes so Bad You Can’t Help but Laugh, and Still Safe for Work!

Updated on June 24, 2015

I have decided that we all need to take a terrible joke break. The jokes here are clean enough to share at work. I cannot claim that they all make sense, nor can I claim that they will have you in stitches. I can, however, claim that I find them to be at least groan-worthy. This is the best the Internet has to offer. I hope it brings a smile to your face! Enjoy!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean Beef

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has mashed potatoes in his left ear, a carrot in his right, and green beans shoved up his nose.

He says, "Doctor! Doctor! I feel terrible! What's wrong with me?"
The doctor looks at him and says "Well, I'll have to run some tests, but I'd say you just aren't eating right"

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

A Prius just tried to race me at the lights. I totally had it for the first 100 metres, but I can only walk so fast

What do you call a fish with no eye?


If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off

What is invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit farts.


A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, Doctor! I think I'm a moth!"
The doctor says, "Well, I don't think it's me you want to see, maybe I can refer you to a psychiatrist".
The man says, "Funny you should say that. I was a just on my way there when I noticed your light was on."

Why did the mushroom buy drinks for everyone at the bar?

He’s a fun-gi.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You have a drink named Steve?”

What is red and smells like Blue Paint?

Red paint.

Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr. Dre.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

How do you make a plumber cry?

Kill his family.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?


What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple?


What is red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I lied about the wheels.

How many A.D.D. kids does it take to fix a light?


Three blondes walk into a building. I don't know why one of them didn't see it.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.

What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.


A baby seal walks into a club.

How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

Did you know that cigarettes are the leading cause of death by smoking?

What clothes does a house wear?


What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot!

How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they just define darkness as the new industry standard.

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?


Why do ducks have flat feet?

To stamp out forest fires

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.

How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

Blue, because there are no bones in ice cream.

Two penguins are taking a bath. One says to the other, "Can you pass me the soap?" The other says, "I can't. I'm a radio!"


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    • profile image

      Mero 2 years ago

      You really make it apaper really easy together with your presentation however I to find this topic to be really something which I feel I might by no means understand. It seems too complex and very vast for me. I'm looking ahead for your next publish, I'll try to get the grasp of it!

    • profile image

      Thena 2 years ago

      Now I feel stdiup. That's cleared it up for me

    • Karmallama profile image

      Doreen Lucky 5 years ago from St. Paul, minnesota

      They are not bad enough to give anyone cancer, but they are pretty bad :) I love sharing these with people. Thanks you for visiting

    • dailytop10 profile image

      dailytop10 5 years ago from Davao City

      Those are really bad jokes.hahaha.They remind me of a friend who seem to have a joke about anything. Thank you for sharing.