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Quotations for Laughs #61 --- Middle Age
Middle Age Jokes (Set No. 2)
Middle age is that period in life when most men, when they reach it, don’t believe it could have happened so soon.
—Jack Warwick, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, Pa., Nov. 26, 1940.
Middle age: When you lose your closest friends one by one–teeth and hair.
—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 1, 1972.
A sure sign of middle age is when you need two nights in after one night out.
—Muriel Collins, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Dec. 3, 1971.
Middle age is when it takes longer to rest up than it did to get tired.
—Edla Ferguson, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., May 26, 1972.
Middle Age–The point at which a woman ceases to be indignant at a man's impertinence and begins to feel flattered by it.
—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., April 24, 1936.
Middle age is that time in a man's life when he'd rather not take any more night courses in the school of experience.
—Dan Bennett, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, May 1, 1956.
Middle age is the time when your children leave home, one by one, and return, two by two.
—San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., May 7, 1973.
Adolescence is when you think you'll live forever. Middle age is when you wonder how you've lasted so long.
—George Hart, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, June 26, 1956.
Middle age is that difficult period between juvenile delinquency and senior citizenship when a fellow doesn't know which generation to complain about.
—Harold Coffin, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Aug. 3, 1969.
Middle age–The time of life when one keeps putting back the time when middle age sets in.
—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Sept. 15, 1954.
Middle age is that period when you think you need exercise because you need more sleep.
—Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Sept. 18, 1934.
The frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll outgrow it.
—Harold Coffin, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 10, 1961.
Middle age is when nature takes its course–and flunks it.
—Robert Orben, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Nov. 20, 1977.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
—Bob Hope, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Nov. 22, 1968.
You've reached middle age when you start resenting wise cracks about middle age.
—Ken Kraft, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 15, 1959.
Middle aged ladies yearn for that schoolgirl complexion; middle aged men long for that schoolboy digestion.
—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., March 21, 1968.
It's middle age when your clothes don't fit--but it's you who needs the alterations.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 14, 1962.
Middle age: When you go all-out for one night and find yourself all-in for several days thereafter.
—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 5, 1964.
Middle age is the beginning of the period in one’s life when we have experimental “know how,” but very little of the old “let’s go.”
—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., March 10, 1945.
Middle age: When the phone rings on Saturday night and you hope it’s not for you.
—Floyd W. Casebolt, The Ennis Daily News, Ennis, Texas, May 12, 1962.
Middle age is the time in life when you’re still young, but only once in a while.
—Lee R. Call, Star Valley Independent, Afton, Wyo., Aug. 25, 1966.
Middle age is the awkward period between juvenile delinquency and senior citizenship when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.
—Harold Coffin, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Jan. 7, 1973.
Middle age: When a woman uses all the new wrinkles to get rid of the old ones.
—San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Feb. 18, 1969.
Middle age–That period when most foods are fattening, dances speed up, children are louder, newsprint smaller, jokes less funny, sunsets less bright--and the Bible more and more right.
—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, June 8, 1955.
There have been many definitions, but we'd say middle age is when no politician cares about you.
—Bill Vaughan, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., July 12, 1968.
For more Middle Age jokes, see the following Hub: Quotations for Laughs #5