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Quotations For Laughs #7 --- Mouse

Updated on March 8, 2011

Mouse Jokes

Did you hear about the cat which ate cheese and waited by the mouse hole with baited breath?

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 15, 1954.

Make a better mousetrap and a lobby of cats will try to have the government place a prohibitive tax on it.

—Olin Miller, Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Sept. 11, 1934.

A drunken rodent–a soused mouse.

—Vira Fredericks, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 24, 1967.

Huge rodent–enormouse.

—Alberta Kimball, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 26, 1967.

Description: He's so unlucky that every time he tries to make a better mousetrap he puts his foot into it.

—Olin Miller, Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Dec. 29, 1934.

Papa mouse talking about new baby: "Just another mouse to feed."

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 16, 1959.

There’s always free cheese in a mousetrap. But have you ever seen a happy mouse in one?

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Nov. 2, 1962.

Do not poke your nose into other people's business even to small a mouse.

Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, June 6, 1909.

College is the mouse race that is supposed to equip you for the rat race.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 9, 1968.

Man rushing into a store: “Let me have a mouse trap.”

Clerk: “Just a minute, sir.”

Man: “Hurry, I’ve got to catch a bus.”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir. they don’t come that large.”

Belvoir Castle, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 25, 1947.

Loud voice on the bus: "I don't mind the rat race so much, except that the rats don't even know I'm in it."

—Bill Vaughan, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., March 22, 1968.

The trouble about the rat race is that humans have the ulcers instead of the rats.

—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, June 20, 1966.

Life is getting more and more hectic. Nowadays, when I fill out a questionnaire, and it says RACE, I put down RAT.

—Robert Orben, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., May 27, 1973.

A pessimist is a man who smells a rat, but won't try to catch it.

—Duncan M. Smith, Wellsburg Weekly Herald, Wellsburg, W. Va., Aug. 3, 1906.

Don't be overly optimistic in the early laps of the rat race. It just show that you haven't been around much.

—Lee R. Call, Star Valley Independent, Afton, Wyo., March 27, 1969.

The first thing a wife usually smells when her husband says it with flowers is a rat.

Chicago Heights Star, Chicago Heights, Ill., Aug. 19, 1962.

As a general thing, when a man has a nose for news it isn't long until he smells a rat.

Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Jan. 24, 1937.

The rat in the ceiling: Overhead expense.

—W.F. Thomson, St. Petersburg Times, St. Petersburg, Fla., June 16, 1922.

It's not enough to build a better mousetrap; you've got to open your trap after you've built it.

—Gene Gleason, New York Herald Tribune, New York, N.Y., Aug. 4, 1957.

What comes after cheese?

A mouse.

Youth's Companion, Boston, Mass., May 12, 1864.

Some girls who are afraid of mice seem inclined to take up with rats.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 1, 1967.

With my luck, if I built a better mousetrap, someone would come along and build a better mouse.

—Robert Q. Lewis, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 29, 1963.

The proof of the mouse trap these days isn't always the path to the door.

—Jack Haney, The Times-Picayune, New Orleans, La., Feb. 6, 1926.

(An early look at the Space Age:)

If the moon isn't made of green cheese, then how come the rat race to get to it?

—Theodore L. Cannon, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, Aug. 22, 1960.


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