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Quotations for Laughs #2 --- Football

Updated on March 8, 2011

Football Humor

We had a team that fumbled so much the quarterback would signal for a fair catch before taking the snap from center.

—Fred Taylor, Sports Illustrated, Chicago, Ill., Oct. 19, 1970.

It is all very well to tackle a dummy, but don't absorb too much of his mental attitude.

—Grantland Rice, New York Tribune, New York, N.Y., Oct. 19, 1919.

Fashion models seem to have a choice of poses inspired by football. Some seem to be about to kick a field goal while others are signaling a fair catch.

—Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Dec. 12, 1967.

What’s the phrase you use when a couple of football players start slugging each other? “They’re indulging in a little extracurricular activity down there.”

—Gerald Kloss, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Sept. 6, 1968.

Heard about the game film that had to be given an X rating because there were so many naked reverses?

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 5, 1972.

The typical fan will scream from the 60th row of the bleachers that the referee missed a marginal call in the center of the interior line and then won't be able to find his car in the parking lot.

—Jim Tunney, Sports Illustrated, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 19, 1981.

Those who say walking is a lost art never parked their car at a big football game.

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 24, 1967.

When you give a football player a scholarship, is that hire education?

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Oct. 7, 1953.

Bet every pro quarterback would vote to copy a page from baseball. Charge an error to the receiver when he drops a perfect pass.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Nov. 23, 1969.

Incomplete pass–He got her name, but not her phone number.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 12, 1958.

Our idea of an optimist is one who expects to live to see the day when football experts stop calling it a pigskin.

—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, Sept. 21, 1924.

My wife's neighbor is very proud of her husband's will power. He promised not to watch football on television for another eight months.

—Leo Aikman, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 22, 1963.

Some people say that the major difference between football and baseball is that in football, it’s the spectators, not the bases, that get loaded.

—Lee R. Call, Star Valley Independent, Afton, Wyo., July 4, 1968.

Men with big hands make the best football players, says Knute Rockne. No one has to tell you that men with big heads make the worst.

—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, Aug. 31, 1924.

Definition of an upset–When a football team plays as lousy as the coach predicted it would.

—Les Goates, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, Sept. 21, 1935.

Football spirit is Hey-Hey fever.

—Dana Robbins, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 8, 1970.

Although the season’s much too far out in the distance,

I hope our line won’t be the line of least resistance.

—Ike Armstrong, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, March 2, 1935.

Bleachers: Synthetic blondes.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., March 5, 1942.

Stadium: Concrete structure built so that the customer always faces the wind, rain, snow or sleet.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 22, 1954.

Every coach needs a triple-threat man–one who can kick, run and pass tests.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Dec. 26, 1966.

The fellow who stops on the ten-yard line to pat himself on the back never makes a touchdown.

Industrial Arts and Vocational Education, Milwaukee, Wis., August 1931.

Few insults equal that of using the fifth-string team in the third quarter.

—Dan Bennett, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Nov. 1, 1955.

What do you say when your team recovers the other team’s fumble? “As the old saying goes, you make your own breaks!”

—Gerald Kloss, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Sept. 6, 1968.

This was a particularly bruising football season. Twice I’ve tripped over the TV set.

—Don Maclean, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 20, 1970.

Any time you figure that you are up against a tough break, think of the daily life of the tackling dummy and give three ringing cheers.

—Grantland Rice, New York Tribune, New York, N.Y., Oct. 24, 1919.


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  • kookoo88 profile image

    kookoo88 6 years ago from Cripple Creek

    I promised my wife I'd be taking 8 months off too. ;) With the exception of the draft. *grin*