ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Quotations for Laughs #20 --- Dieting

Updated on March 8, 2011

Dieting Jokes

Well, there’s one thing to be said for a diet–it certainly improves the appetite.

—Harold Coffin, Beaver County Times, Beaver, Pa., Dec. 3, 1962.

Most people who swear they’re going on a diet tomorrow, wind up eating their words.

—Merv Griffin, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., March 3, 1952.

A diet is something you go on when you think people are seeing too much of you.

—Earl Wilson, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., May 2, 1962.

Dedicated dieters are people waiting for their shapes to come in.

—Wayne Mackey, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., March 27, 1980.

Dieting is waiting for hips that never come in.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 19, 1961.

It's easy to cheat on a diet, but you'll have a fat chance of getting away with it.

—Shelby Friedman, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 12, 1967.

The hardest thing about dieting isn't watching your food--it's watching everybody else's.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 21, 1964.

Diet: Something a person does for bad breadth.

—Ben Cassell, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Feb. 16, 1969.

Diet–The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 3, 1961.

A friend told us that he lost fourteen pounds when his wife went on a diet.

—Ivy Clough Johnson, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., March 13, 1928.

Overheard: "My wife went to one of those diet doctors and in two months she lost $300."

—Chuck Norman, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., June 20, 1967.

A diet is what you keep putting off while you keep putting on.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., July 18, 1968.

Trouble with a diet is you get fed up with not getting fed up.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Aug. 1, 1961.

A diet is something to take the starch out of you.

Chicago Heights Star, Chicago Heights, Ill., Sept. 10, 1957.

Keeping on a diet is a battle every inch of the weigh.

—Theodore L. Cannon, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, Oct. 30, 1962.

When a woman goes on a drastic diet she has either one or both of these objectives in mind: to retain her girlish figure–or her boyish husband.

—Joey Adams, Parade, New York, N.Y., Jan. 5, 1969.

If you broke your diet and gained ten pounds, don't complain. The weigh of the transgressor is hard.

Crowley Daily Signal, Crowley, La., Jan. 10, 1928.

Diet: What people do when they are afraid of their own shadows.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 9, 1964.

You can't diet just by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 18, 1966.

Diet: A method of cutting down expanse.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, March 13, 1958.

Dieting: Practicing self-denial at the table; raiding the refrigerator between meals.

The Commercial Dispatch, Columbus, Miss., April 29, 1935.

Dieting is the triumph of mind over platter.

The Welchman, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Nov. 18, 1945.

Dieticians hold that we are what we eat. Another reason for avoiding turnips.

—Jack Warwick, Toledo Blade, Toledo, Ohio, July 29, 1941.

Some folks really ought to diet if it would keep them from being so full of themselves.

Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., Jan. 23, 1956.

To find out what a poor loser you are, just start dieting.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 1, 1966.

Comments

Submit a Comment

No comments yet.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)