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Quotations for Laughs #22 --- Cooking
If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, then the recipe for romance is in a woman's cookbook.
—Harold Coffin, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., March 28, 1971.
A woman tried a casserole recipe from her new cookbook, and reports that one of her guests bit into a typographical error.
—Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Feb. 23, 1967.
They say a woman's work is never done, and my wife's cooking proves it.
—Henny Youngman, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 19, 1965.
The wife who drives from the back seat isn't any worse than the husband who cooks from the dining room table.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 27, 1961.
One kind of hypocrite is the man who, after thanking the Lord for his dinner, proceeds to find fault with the cook.
—Idaho Statesman, Boise, Idaho, April 28, 1918.
Home-cooked dinners make a happy marriage. Unfortunately, most men come home from work too tired to start cooking.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 22, 1958.
They say that 97 percent of accidents occur in the kitchen. I figure I've cooked quite a few of them.
—Ruth Buzzi, Parade, New York, N.Y., Feb. 15, 1970.
Those TV dinners aren't so bad–unless, of course, you're getting reruns.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 19, 1962.
My wife dresses to kill–and cooks the same way.
—L.U. Kaiser, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 16, 1966.
A casserole is short ordeal cooking.
—Dana Robbins, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Sept. 3, 1972.
All men should learn to cook. It keeps their wives up to scratch.
—Hartley Shawcross, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Sept. 21, 1954.
The cookbook is a volume whose pages are full of stirring passages.
—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 13, 1967.
Overheard: “I’m not criticizing my wife’s cooking, but last night she burned the potato salad.”
—Seymour Rosenberg, Spartanburg Herald, Spartanburg, S.C., Sept. 3, 1974.
A boy was asked if he said a prayer before dinner. "No," answered the youngster. "Mommy is a good cook."
—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., May 7, 1972.
I had no luck baking my husband a birthday cake. While it was in the oven, the candles melted.
—Joan Rivers, Parade, New York, N.Y., Dec. 7, 1969.
A bride should make sacrifices for her husband, but not in the form of burnt offerings.
—The Commercial Dispatch, Columbus, Miss., June 8, 1936.
Some women’s cooking tastes as if they had their heart in it and others’ as if they had their heel in it.
—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., June 17, 1965.
About all that some wives know about good cooking is which restaurants serve it.
—Jackie Kannon, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 22, 1959.
A sure way to insult your wife is to say you love your cooking--because it makes it easy for you to fight the temptation to overeat.
—Hugh Allen, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 3, 1965.
A lot of men have found that marriage is a mighty expensive way to get their TV dinners cooked.
—Oscar Homolka, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 28, 1963.
Cooking is the art of interior decorating in which the cook should know what's in good taste.
—Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., May 21, 1954.
It’s easy for a wife to get her husband all wrapped up in her cooking, says a chef. Just serve spaghetti.
—Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, July 1, 1949.
All some girls know about cooking is how to bring a man to a boil.
—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Aug. 31, 1946.
The best alarm clock is ham and eggs cooking in the kitchen.
—The Commercial Dispatch, Columbus, Miss., Sept. 6, 1933.
My cooking's so bad that I ordered dinner out and burned the telephone.
—Marilyn Michaels, Parade, New York, N.Y., Feb. 6, 1972.