ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Quotations for Laughs #26 --- Horses

Updated on March 8, 2011

Horse Jokes

Bronchitis: What you have the day after riding a bronco.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., April 21, 1942.

The main difference between a horse race and a political race is that in a horse race the entire horse wins.

Harlem News, Harlem, Mont., Aug. 29, 1952.

There is nothing like the first horseback ride to make a person feel better off.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 18, 1964.

Detail: North end of a horse going south.

—R.K. Dee, Tampa Sunday Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Jan. 18, 1942.

Install: Where the horse is.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Jan. 29, 1942.

Stirrups: A horse’s garters.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 5, 1964.

Harness: A horse’s girdle.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, March 4, 1958.

Nightmare: A horse that works the night shift.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 11, 1958.

Horse race: Something that begins at the moment of the spur.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, April 8, 1964.

Angry farmer: “See, here, that horse you sold me dropped dead.”

Dealer: “Can’t help that, sir. He never did that while I had him.”

—Floyd W. Casebolt, The Ennis Daily News, Ennis, Texas, April 18, 1962.

Horse: When your voice almost isn't.

—Eleanor E. Rogers, Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Jan. 24, 1942.

Ideal dumbbell: The guy who thought they scratched race horses because they itched.

—John P. Medbury, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, March 31, 1928.

I've got a sure system to beat the races–pick a horse with a sensitive nose and a jockey with halitosis!

—Oscar Carter, Parade, New York, N.Y., July 1, 1962.

A cowboy who breaks in female horses: A fillybuster.

—Clinton Anderson, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 3, 1955.

About not changing horses in the middle of the stream, did anybody ever think about not getting into the stream in the first place?

—Lewis T. Nordyke, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Nov. 10, 1950.

The trouble with a husband who works like a horse is that all he wants to do evenings is hit the hay.

—A.J. Kelly, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Aug. 16, 1951.

About the only advantage a horse has is that he doesn't have to take off his shoes when he goes to bed.

Salt Lake Mining Review, Salt Lake City, Utah, Dec. 15, 1922.

When you're going for a ride, never choose a horse that is too polite. That just happened to me. Before he jumped a fence, he stopped so I could go first.

—Robert Lamoureaux, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 24, 1957.

Horse: An animal that sleeps standing up, particularly when you place a bet on him.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 12, 1964.

The automobile has had a profound effect upon modern morals, having practically eliminated horse stealing.

—John Mooney, Salt Lake Telegram, Salt Lake City, Utah, Dec. 9, 1947.

You can double your money on a horse by folding it and putting it under the saddle.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Nov. 29, 1965.

It can be truly said that a horse in a mile run moves only four feet.

The Christian Science Monitor, Boston, Mass., Sept. 15, 1926.

Racetrack: A place where phonies bet on ponies.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, May 27, 1958.

A race horse is an animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at the same time.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 24, 1960.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth and never get too familiar with the rear hoof of any kind of mule.

—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, May 11, 1926.


Submit a Comment

No comments yet.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)