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Quotations for Laughs #28 --- Chickens

Updated on March 8, 2011

Chicken Jokes

A chicken is a very useful creature. You can eat it before it is born, and after it is dead.

—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., April 18, 1945.

Never count your chickens before you put all your eggs in one basket.

—Jo-Marie Varga, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 2, 1965.

Never count your chickens before they are hatched. You may get a rotten break.

Rogersville Review, Rogersville, Tenn., Feb. 16, 1956.

In the race between spring garden seed and neighborly chickens, the latter usually win by a scratch.

—W.A. MacKenzie, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., March 13, 1928.

You can’t wing it if you chicken out.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 3, 1972.

Personal foul: someone’s pet chicken.

Spartanburg Herald, Spartanburg, S.C., Oct. 8, 1953.

Egg: A fowl ball.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 20, 1966.

A hen that scratched its head, instead of the earth, wouldn't get any worms, either.

—Utah Farmer, Salt Lake City, Utah, March 10, 1937.

"My garden was such a success this year," boasted a gentleman farmer, "that my neighbor's chickens won first prize at the poultry show."

—Bennett Cerf, This Week, New York, N.Y., April 13, 1958.

Have you heard about the woman who had two pet hens which she had raised from baby chicks? One of the hens turned sick, so she killed the other to make chicken soup for the ailing one.

—Harvey Korman, Parade, New York, N.Y., Jan. 15, 1967.

Chicklet: A baby chicken.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, May 3, 1958.

The hen that lays the most eggs is not the loudest clucker. She hasn't time to develop her vocal chords.

Helena Independent, Helena, Mont., Jan. 20, 1917.

Some people are like hens; they can never find anything where they laid it yesterday.

—Nat Campbell, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 28, 1958.

My little nephew came to visit me on our farm–but it was his first visit, and he didn’t know much about what was going on. One day he saw our pet peacock sunning itself on the lawn. He stared in amazement, then ran into the house and yelled excitedly, “Auntie! Come quick! The chicken is in full bloom!”

—Sharon Labrum, Deseret News Magazine, Salt Lake City, Utah, March 13, 1949.

A “chicken” is one whose cold feet keep him out of hot water.

—Ben Bergor, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 20, 1966.

The problem of whether the hen or egg came first is nothing compared with the primacy of wages and prices.

Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Aug. 21, 1933.

Many a wayward chicken can trace his misfortune to the fact that her father was a bad egg.

—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Aug. 24, 1930.

When scientists produced evidence that chickens can talk to each other, I suggested they use fowl language.

—Hugh Allen, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 13, 1965.

Clothes may not make the man, but dressing sure makes the chicken.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., April 17, 1967.

A man without character among men is like a chicken without feathers among chickens, each having lost dignity.

Scott County News, Oneida, Tenn., Nov. 17, 1933.

The only loafer who is a producer is the hen who sits and lays.

Daily Herald, Provo, Utah, Nov. 25, 1925.

Never count your chickens before they are hatched; in other words, keep your eye on the incubator.

Louisville Herald, Louisville, Ky., March 21, 1911.

Relay: Hen having another egg.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Jan. 30, 1942.

Hen: An egg plant.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Sept. 29, 1956.

A man's goose is cooked when he meets a chick who starts talking turkey.

—Taffy Tuttle, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 24, 1953.

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