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Quotations for Laughs #3 --- Political Fences
Political Fences humor
Political fences are probably barbed wire because the representative has to do a great deal of stringing to get and keep them in place.
—Lewiston Teller, Lewiston, Idaho, Feb. 14, 1908.
Some politicians are bowlegged from straddling the fence.
—Pocatello Tribune, Pocatello, Idaho, Aug. 19, 1928.
Politics has so many fences to fix, it's a wonder it doesn't hire folks to split rails for it all the time.
—Frank L. Stanton, The Atlanta Constitution, Atlanta, Ga., Sept. 7, 1912.
Political fences are never picket fences. You can't sit comfortably on that kind.
—Nashville Banner, Nashville, Tenn., Feb. 8, 1924.
Special care should be taken to make political fences bull-strong.
—Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque, N.M., April 9, 1924.
Political planks can be used after the convention to rebuild political fences.
—James J. Montague, San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., June 30, 1924.
The trouble with Congress is that it is trying to balance the budget on the political fence.
—Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, May 19, 1932.
The trouble with being neutral and sitting on the fence is that you make yourself a target of both sides.
—The Commercial Dispatch, Columbus, Miss., Jan. 1, 1935.
Congressmen seem to know little about balancing the budget. Their experience in equilibrium seems to be confined almost wholly to sitting on the fence.
—Olin Miller, Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Feb. 22, 1936.
Congressmen must be anxious to get back to their respective homes to pad the tops of the political fences they must straddle for the fall elections.
—W.P. Ball, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., April 23, 1936.
I have great hope for the politician who keeps his convictions in repair at the expense of his fences.
—Roy L. Smith, Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., July 5, 1937.
Most politicians repair the fences around their campaign platforms by hedging.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 5, 1950.
A successful politician is a man who can stand on a fence and make people believe it’s a platform!
—Dan Valentine, Salt Lake Telegram, Salt Lake City, Utah, Sept. 4, 1950.
If you think being a politician is easy, try standing on a fence and keeping one ear to the grouind.
—Rogersville Review, Rogersville, Tenn., Sept. 18, 1952.
If some politicians had to build the fences they sit on they'd have a lot more respect for government economy.
—Clifton N. Memmott, Roosevelt Standard, Roosevelt, Utah, July 23, 1953.
To be successful in politics, it’s a good idea to build your fences only high enough to be comfortably straddled.
—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., May 28, 1968.
It is no worse to sit on the political fence than it is to slip through a crack and go frothing about over the peach orchard.
—Galveston Daily News, Galveston, Texas, Oct. 8, 1891.
The man who sits on the fence is fond of taking the high ground on all questions.
—Henry F. Cope, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Dec. 13, 1908.
A man never knows which side of the fence he is on until he falls off.
—Al Warden, Ogden Standard-Examiner, Ogden, Utah, May 2, 1923.
Some politicians have a hard time keeping off the fence long enough for the whitewash to dry. —Nashville Banner, Nashville, Tenn., April 12, 1924.
We wish they'd build these political fences strong enough to keep the bull in.
—San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 4, 1923.
There's no fence so high that some politicians will not try to straddle it.
—Albuquerque Journal, Albuquerque, N.M., June 23, 1924.
What annoys most of us during the season of building political fences is the sound of constant knocking.
—Nevada State Herald, Wells, Nev., Aug. 22, 1924.
Politicians should make good swordsmen. They're usually on the fence.
—W.A. MacKenzie, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., March 10, 1927.
The average politician keeps his fence in good repair because he never knows when he may have to sit upon it.
—The Atlanta Constitution, Atlanta, Ga., Dec. 10, 1934.