Quotations for Laughs #33 ---Political Machines
Political Machine Jokes
Some people imagine that they are the fly wheel of the political machine when they merely furnish oil for the bearings.
—Lewiston Teller, Lewiston, Idaho, April 27, 1907.
Speaking of political machines, consider the nuts and bolts.
—Illinois State Journal, Springfield, Ill., June 23, 1920.
Even a political machine has a succession of backfires.
—Illinois State Journal, Springfield, Ill., Aug. 10, 1920.
Political machines are designed to sound like bandwagons and operate like steamrollers.
—Harold Coffin, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Aug. 25, 1968.
A lot of politicians who think they are running the machine are only riding in the rumble seat.
—Pocatello Tribune, Pocatello, Idaho, July 14, 1928.
Only trouble with having a political machine is that it might get you stuck in the mud it slings.
—Les Goates, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, Sept. 21, 1948.
A political machine is one of our best coin-operated machines.
—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, May 28, 1960.
Even a good political machine sometimes skips cogs.
—Lewiston Teller, Lewiston, Idaho, May 8, 1907.
It requires many cranks to make one political machine.
—Galveston Daily News, Galveston, Texas, April 5, 1897.
Politics appears to be the only well-oiled machine that develops friction.
—The Christian Science Monitor, Boston, Mass., March 27, 1928.
The trouble with political machines is that they have three speeds backward and none forward.
—Nashville Banner, Nashville, Tenn., July 28, 1923.
Everybody on a political machine wants to blow the horn–and nobody wants to buy the gasoline.
—Mt. Pleasant Record, Mt. Pleasant, Tenn., April 29, 1932.
Men's aversion to work played a prominent role in the development of the political machine.
—W.P. Ball, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Aug. 3, 1934.
As a rule, the political machine is gas operated, self-started, and the upkeep costs more than the original investment.
—Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Aug. 28, 1934.
The most important thing about a political machine is the clutch.
—Mt. Pleasant Record, Mt. Pleasant, Tenn., Dec. 8, 1933.
Infernal machine: The other party's political machine.
—Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., July 7, 1935.
A political machine has no balance wheel.
—Olin Miller, Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., May 21, 1936.
Tire troubles won’t stop the political machine from rolling along.
—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., June 2, 1942.
The political machine can be started only by dropping dollars in the slot.
—Great Falls Tribune, Great Falls, Mont., July 24, 1936.
Political machine: A united majority working against a divided majority.
—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, June 28, 1956.
Machines create more jobs than they eliminate, and political machines are no exception.
—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., April 3, 1967.
Typical of the machine age is the attempt to have voting machines outsmart the political machines!
—W.P. Ball, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Feb. 22, 1935.
Wonder if anyone knows what kind of lubricant is used to keep political machines running smoothly.
—Intermountain Catholic, Salt Lake City, Utah, Aug. 27, 1910.
The good intentions ground out by political machines ought to make excellent paving material.
—Wheeling Intelligencer, Wheeling, W. Va., Feb. 18, 1909.
Many a man with wheels thinks he is the whole political machine.
—Santa Fe New Mexican, Santa Fe, N.M., Sept. 21, 1915.