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Quotations for Laughs #34 --- Wedding Proposals

Updated on March 8, 2011

Wedding Proposal Jokes

When a man proposes on bended knees, it sometimes takes him years to get back on his feet.

—Pinky Lee, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 8, 1952.

Better to be on your toes, and not on bended knee, when proposing marriage.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Jan. 6, 1974.

A husband is often a guy who's gone from bended knee to bended ear.

—Arnold Stang, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 3, 1955.

A marriage proposal is a speech made on the purr of the moment.

—George Hart, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., March 1, 1966.

It is odd that a man will propose to a girl under a light he wouldn’t think of choosing a suit by.

—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 7, 1952.

When a girl says no to a proposal, she usually expects to be held for further questioning.

—Lee R. Call, Star Valley Independent, Afton, Wyo., Jan. 4, 1962.

Many a man has proposed when he was intoxicated with love and then had her instant acceptance sober him up.

—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Feb. 1, 1942.

A guy turned down a gal's wedding proposal and she pleaded, "Oh, come on, be a support."

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 17, 1962.

Never expect a man to propose before lunch. A man's emotions and his stomach are so closely allied that he has to get his stomach under control before his heart begins to work.

—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Sept. 20, 1937.

The cynical bachelor says that he has ceased worrying about which girl he wants to propose to. He's now worrying about which girl's proposal he'll accept.

—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., March 22, 1934.

Men used to propose on bended knee. These days it's usually with bended elbow.

—Sheila Bond, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 28, 1952.

Then there was the television announcer who wound up his marriage proposal with: “Remember, this is the last day of this astounding offer.”

—A.W. Stinson, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., June 7, 1959.

An 80-year-old actor was courting a 22-year-old actress. "Darling," he proposed, "wouldn't you like to become my widow?"

—Red Skelton, Parade, New York, N.Y., June 16, 1968.

The man who said that talk was cheap never said, “Darling, will you be mine?”

—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Jan. 7, 1931.

Girl to friend: "It wasn't much of a proposal--he suggested we pool pay envelopes.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., June 18, 1970.

Frequently, the best way for a young man to strengthen his hand is to ask the right girl for hers.

—Al Pattarrozzi, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Oct. 24, 1966.

Whoozy: What to do when A through Y have refused your marriage proposals.

—J. Davis, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., July 9, 1978.

"If I proposed," the young man asked cautiously, "would you say yes?" The young girl, equally cautious, replied, "If you knew I'd say yes, would you propose?"

—Lucille J. Goodyear, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., April 2, 1972.

A young couple was discussing the future. "I'd like to marry you tomorrow, darling. But will you be able to manage on my small salary?" "Of course, my love," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

—Tom Melody, Parade, New York, N.Y., Dec. 4, 1966.

"Susan, darling," said the anxious young man, "will you marry me?" "No," she said, "but I will always admire your good taste."

—Danny Davis, Parade, New York, N.Y., Jan. 6, 1963.

Next to a marriage proposal, the most loaded question is “What’s the down payment?”

Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Jan. 9, 1954.

He told her he would go through anything for her–and she suggested they start on his pay.

Belvoir Castle, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Dec. 21, 1947.

Just about the only to keep a girl from putting the finger on you is to put a ring on it.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Aug. 2, 1966.

When you marry, pick out a gal who looks like she would be a cork and not a sinker.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Jan. 31, 1945.

Husband: A man who goes from bended knees to bended ears.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 6, 1958.

Marriage: What happens when a bachelor gets down on his knees and begs for trouble.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, April 2, 1964.

Marriage is a mistake a man makes on bended knees that he wouldn't have made if he'd been on his toes.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 16, 1953.

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