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Quotations for Laughs #42 --- Food

Updated on March 8, 2011

Food Definitions (Set No. 2)

A hot dog is a hamburger in tights.

Brigadere, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., April 29, 1945.

Hamburger–A sandwich built from the ground-up.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, June 10, 1955.

Milk shake–probing a dairy.

Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Jan. 17, 1910.

Salaam: A small salami.

—Steve Mitchell, Palm Beach Post, West Palm Beach, Fla., Dec. 29, 1980.

Coffee: Break fluid.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 10, 1962.

Buffet dinner: A standing invitation.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Feb. 4, 1973.

Liver and onions–A brave effort to disprove the guy who said two things don't make a right.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Nov. 2, 1960.

Barbecue spareribs–an excellent dish for kids who are taking up fingerpainting on the table cloth.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Nov. 10, 1960.

A hamburger is just a steak that couldn't pull itself together.

—Robert Orben, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Jan. 20, 1974.

Spaghetti: A common example of foreign entanglements.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 31, 1957.

Hydroplane–What you get when you order a hydro without pickles and onions.

—Rory Klinge, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., March 12, 1978.

Hors d'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into 40 pieces.

—Jack Benny, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 20, 1966.

Limburger: Swiss cheese without draft ventilation.

—Paul H. Gilbert, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, May 15, 1946.

Parsley–What good little boys and girls who eat their spinach get when they grow up.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Nov. 6, 1960.

Hamburger: A steak that didn’t pass its physical.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Dec. 13, 1963.

Ham: A drama critic’s meet.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 21, 1957.

Meat loaf: Meat that’s taking it easy after the grind.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 1, 1956.

Limburger: Swiss cheese without draft ventilation.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 3, 1964.

Doughnut: Proof that two halves make a hole.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 11, 1958.

Spaghetti is nothing more than macaroni with a defective thyroid gland.

Crowley Daily Signal, Crowley, La., Feb. 16, 1926.

Garlic: An onion equipped for chemical warfare.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, March 4, 1964.

Chopped sirloin: A hamburger with a vote of confidence.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, June 16, 1956.

Booze: The milk of amnesia.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, June 18, 1963.

Whine: Something that is the product of sour grapes.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, July 5, 1963.

Can a bullion cube be termed a square meal?

The Christian Science Monitor, Boston, Mass., Feb. 5, 1927.

Comments

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  • parduc profile image

    parduc 

    7 years ago from Kos island, Greece

    Wow, cool hub, thanks for the laugh:))Voted up, awesome.

    Best regards,

    Liv

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