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Quotations for Laughs #46 --- Buses & Bus Drivers

Updated on March 8, 2011

Bus & Bus Drivers Jokes

The weather bureau’s chill factor recognizes that it seems colder when the wind blows. And when the bus is late.

—Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Nov. 29, 1968.

Politeness these days consists in offering your seat to a lady when you get off a crowded bus.

Lone Star Scanner, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., April 4, 1948.

One of the few guys who can get away with telling a woman where to get off is a bus driver.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., April 14, 1974.

More frustrating than waiting for a bus is riding one that's ahead of schedule with the operator deliberately missing the green lights.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 22, 1972.

Definition of mission impossible: Trying to teach some bus drivers that the object is not to see how far from the curb they can stop, especially in the rain.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Jan. 14, 1973.

Engineers, designing buses, don't know where the most of us is.

—Frank Malone, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, March 29, 1960.

The surest way to keep a bus on schedule is to be late for it.

—Will Pryor, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Nov. 1, 1955.

A philosopher says folks should have a daily hour of meditation. That’s easy, when you’re waiting for buses.

Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., March 16, 1956.

In a night club it's intimacy; on a bus, it's congestion.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Dec. 30, 1973.

Laplander–Awkward man on a crowded bus.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, April 28, 1953.

New description of the average man: in the front of the bus, back of the church, and otherwise in the middle.

Daily Bulletin, Blackfoot, Idaho, Feb. 17, 1949.

Politeness–A sign of good breeding by which nothing is ever lost except your seat in the bus.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Nov. 16, 1954.

Two bodies cannot occupy the same space at the same time, except on a crowded bus.

—Dan Bennnett, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Feb. 22, 1955.

Average man: One who will stand for anything, except a woman in a bus.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Dec. 24, 1965.

Gentleman: A man who never intentionally beats a woman to a seat in a bus.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 23, 1957.

Impudence–The trait that enables a man, sitting on a bus, to flirt with a woman who is standing.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Sept. 19, 1955.

Most standing offers do not apply to men in crowded buses.

—Les Goates, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, March 28, 1949.

Even when bus riders are not acquainted they sure hang together.

Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., Feb. 13, 1956.

Ministers and bus operators both have seating problems. One can't get people to sit up front; the other to move to the rear.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 19, 1975.

Politicians at the policy-making level might make fewer mistakes in judgment if they spent more time riding in buses and subways and less in the artificial seclusion of a chauffeured automobile.

—Sydney J. Harris, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Nov. 11, 1973.

A party platform is like the front end of a utility bus–it’s not meant to stand on, just to get in on.

—Les Goates, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, Jan. 17, 1949.

One way to get an education is to drive a school bus.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., April 24, 1974.

Among the few people not happy when their troubles are behind them are school bus drivers.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., April 6, 1971.

The man who gets into a cage with a dozen lions impresses everybody except the guy who drives a school bus.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 12, 1963.

Lettered on the back of a school bus: "Approach with care–Driver under the influence of children."

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., May 28, 1974.

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