ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Quotations for Laughs #49 --- Teachers & Students

Updated on March 8, 2011

Teacher & Student Jokes

Notice to motorists: Watch out for school children–especially if they are driving cars.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 4, 1963.

Today's student who walks very far to school is the one who found all the close parking places taken.

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., May 20, 1973.

Lack of space for building schools is becoming serious. It's getting so there's hardly enough room for the students to park their cars.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 8, 1960.

Teacher: “Man is a human machine.”

Willy: “My daddy is a thrashing machine.”

—Lyn Larson, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, July 4, 1948.

The kindergarten teacher laid the dime on the desk. "What's this?" she said. And the four-year-old promptly said: "Heads."

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Sept. 25, 1966.

As one schoolboy said: “The District of Columbia is a territory hounded on all sides by the United States.”

—Anna Herbert, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Sept. 4, 1966.

A recession is almost over when the kids who bring apples to the teacher quit eating them on the way to school.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 26, 1958.

All a youngster wants out of school is himself.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., March 21, 1973.

Imagination–What a boy feels sick with when he stays home from school.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Sept. 5, 1953.

Friend of ours asked a small fry how he liked school. “Closed,” was the reply.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, June 11, 1958.

Sometimes a teacher wishes he could excuse the naughty boy and punish his parents.

—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, June 9, 1940.

The board of education: the schoolmaster's paddle.

The Independent, New York, N.Y., April 24, 1884.

A child walking a mile or two to school: A feat for the feet.

Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Oct. 12, 1942.

Driver education in the schools is fine. Now if they'd only add student pedestrian crossing.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., June 6, 1971.

You can tell the parents of bright children. They don’t think the teacher is dumb.

Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, May 23, 1935.

Schools are filling stations for think tanks.

—W.A. MacKenzie, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., March 19, 1927.

School kids should be given credit for original ideas. Except when they concern spelling.

Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., April 16, 1948.

The little girl assured her teacher, "Of course I know how to spell banana. I just never know when to stop."

—Bennett Cerf, This Week, New York, N.Y., April 7, 1957.

A father, looking over his son’s report card, discovered the teacher’s notation in one corner: “Carless spelling.”

—Frances Rodman, Parade, New York, N.Y., April 28, 1957.

Teacher: “Tommy, is trousers singular or plural?”

Tommy: “Singular at the top and plural at the bottom.”

Sheridan Tower, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Nov. 23, 1947.

Teacher: “What is raised in countries that have wet climates?”

Student: “Umbrellas.”

Mississippi Spectator, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 11, 1947.

Teacher: “Tommy, what is wrong with this sentence: “The horse and the cow is in the pasture.’?”

Tommy: “One ought to always put the lady first.”

T.M. England Hospital Review, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., April 28, 1946.

A teacher was testing her young pupils’ knowledge of proverbs. “Cleanliness is next to what?” “Impossible?” a small boy wondered.

—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Jan. 30, 1961.

School kids no longer have to study current events. They make their own.

—Ray Sackett, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 8, 1969.

You hate to keep cracking the whip to get kids to crack the books, but it’s the only way to prevent a learning gap backlash.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., May 6, 1965.


Submit a Comment

No comments yet.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)