Quotations for Laughs #5 --- Middle Age
Humor about Middle Age (Growing Older)
You've reached middle age when your idea of a party is to get together with other members of your generation to complain about young people and old folks.
—Harold Coffin, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Jan. 7, 1973.
Middle age is the period of life when you will do anything to feel better, except give up what’s hurting you.
—Howard C. “Buck” Herzog, Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., May 23, 1952.
Middle age is when a man begins to shed his hair, his teeth and his illusions.
—Grady Imes, The Starkville News, Starkville, Miss., April 18, 1941.
Middle age is that period when women won’t admit their ages and men won’t act theirs.
—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Feb. 19, 1954.
Middle age is when there are too many candles on the cake and not enough dough in the cookie jar.
—Harold Coffin, The Island Packet, Beaufort, S.C., March 31, 2003.
Middle Age: That period of time between "I Don't Care" and Medicare.
—Chuck Norman, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., Aug. 8, 1967.
Middle age is that period in life when a man lets his dues to the youth movement lapse.
—Jack Warwick, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, Pa., June 22, 1940.
Middle age is that time of life when it’s twice as hard to have the time of your life.
—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Oct. 13, 1965.
Middle age is when your money is shorter, your experience longer, your stamina lower and your forehead higher.
—Lee R. Call, Star Valley Independent, Afton, Wyo., Jan. 22, 1970.
Middle age is that dreary period when one is too old to live and too young to die.
—Olin Miller, Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Aug. 1, 1935.
You’ve reached middle age when your idea of getting ahead is staying even.
—John Mooney, Salt Lake Telegram, Salt Lake City, Utah, April 15, 1948.
Middle age: When a man ceases to grow vertically and starts to grow horizontally.
—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., Jan. 4, 1945.
Middle age is when “The Morning After” lasts all day.
—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Dec. 19, 1970.
Sometimes practically all the fun is taken out of middle age by the necessity of setting a good example for the kids.
—Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Jan. 22, 1940.
Middle age is that indefinite period when another pain doesn’t indicate anything except middle age.
—Robert Quillen, San Jose Evening News, San Jose, Calif., March 23, 1932.
Middle age is when actions creak louder than words.
—Dana Robbins, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., June 22, 1969.
Middle age is when slim hips and broad minds begin to switch positions.
—San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., June 14, 1968.
Middle age: The period when the hardest thing to raise in your garden is your knees.
—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Jan. 20, 1964.
When you reach middle age, your reminiscences outnumber your anticipations.
—H.G. Hutcheson, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 1, 1954.
You've reached middle age when your weightlifting consists of standing up.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 11, 1966.
Most men can tell when their wives are approaching middle age, but they'd better not.
—Hal Chadwick, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, May 15, 1956.
Middle age is the period in which some old guys hang on to avoid being referred to as senile.
—W.P. Ball, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Sept. 15, 1937.
Don’t worry about middle age; you’ll grow out of it.
—Gene Brown, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., May 1, 1980.
Middle age looks back to youth and old age looks back to middle age. Life is a crick in the neck.
—Jack Warwick, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, Pa., April 3, 1937.
"So you went to the class reunion. How did you find the girls you went to school with ten years ago?"
"Most of them were five years older."
—Polywog, quoted in Milwaukee Sentinel, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 17, 1948.
Middle age is the time when a woman begins to wondering how she can make a man go home a little earlier instead of how she can induce him to linger a little later.
—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Jan. 5, 1929.