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Quotations for Laughs #60 --- Growing Old

Updated on March 8, 2011

Growing Old Jokes (Set No. 2)

You're getting older when your favorite part of the newspapers is called "25 Years Ago Today."

—Earl Wilson, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 19, 1975.

You're getting old when you begin to notice that the whole darn country is being run by a bunch of kids.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 19, 1962.

You're getting old when you find wrinkles on your forehead, lines in your face, and five kids wanting to get into the bathroom.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Nov. 27, 1962.

You're getting older when more people ask about your health and tell you how well you look.

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Dec. 17, 1972.

You know you're getting old when your knees buckle and your belt won't.

—George E. Bergman, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 20, 1980.

It’s a mistake to worry about getting old; when you stop getting old you’re dead.

—Nat Campbell, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, March 13, 1956.

No man is getting old until he is so busy counting his calories that he doesn't even see a pretty woman at the next table.

—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., June 3, 1927.

You're getting old when you can't stand people telling you that you're old.

—Elise Rhodes, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 27, 1954.

You're getting old when you feel on Saturday night the way you used to feel on Monday morning.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 19, 1972.

You know you're getting old when girls get on your nerves instead of on your lap.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 30, 1953.

You know you're getting old when relatives you haven't seen in years suddenly become very friendly.

—J. Baxter Wingate, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Dec. 2, 1979.

You know you're getting old when you start complaining about all the foolish things you did when you were middle aged.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Nov. 20, 1958.

How to keep from getting old: Die young.

—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., Feb. 6, 1946.

A man knows he's getting older when he doesn't have to run so far in his dreams after the woman he never catches.

—Fletcher Knebel, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 4, 1956.

Overheard: “I feel it in my bones that I’m getting older.”

—Olin Miller, Atlanta Journal, Atlanta, Ga., Feb. 15, 1949.

You're getting old when the gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 15, 1954.

You know you’re getting old when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

—Charles G. Smith, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 25, 1971.

You're getting old when you whistle at girls under your breath.

—Sammy Sands, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 28, 1955.

You're getting old when all that you ask of the world is that it go its way and leave you alone.

Daily Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Jan. 19, 1936.

The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn't have when you were young, you no longer want.

—L.S. McCandless, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 19, 1953.

You know you're getting old when your birthday cake candles trigger the smoke-alert alarm.

—Francis Roth, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 20, 1980.

You know you're getting old when your money has to last from month to month, instead of from week to week.

---Hazel Stump, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 20, 1980.

You know you're getting old when your descendants outnumber your friends.

—Paul Oman, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 20, 1980.

You know you're getting old when you can brush your teeth and whistle at the same time.

—LaRue Welch, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., Jan. 20, 1980.

Comments

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  • SheZoe profile image

    SheZoe 7 years ago from Idaho, USA

    lol! these were quite amusing. maybe more so because some of them are starting to apply ;o)

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