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Quotations for Laughs #65 --- Church Signs (Bulletins)

Updated on March 8, 2011

Church Signs (Bulletins) Humor

Church sign: “Who Spreads Thorns Should Not Go Barefooted.”

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., June 25, 1980.

Church sign: “Join Our Sit-In Demonstration Every Sunday.”

—Red O’Donnell, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., July 28, 1980.

Sign on a church bulletin board: "The Lord loveth a cheerful giver. He also accepteth from a grouch."

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Sept. 24, 1972.

Sign outside a church: "Come in and give the Lord some pray-ola.”

—Bill Roberts, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 17, 1960.

Sign on a church: “Don’t wait for the ambulance to take you to church.”

—Lewis T. Nordyke, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, Feb. 13, 1951.

Sign on a church bulletin board: "Some Folks Have Rumortism."

—Red O'Donnell, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., May 25, 1972.

Sign seen in a church bulletin board: “When Necessary, Swallow Your Pride–It Has No Calories.”

—J.W. Leady, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., June 1, 1970.

Sign in front of a church: “You are not too bad to come in. You are not too good to stay out.”

—Lee R. Call, Star Valley Independent, Afton, Wyo., Oct. 5, 1967.

Somebody told us that down in Dallas a church posted the following on its outdoor bulletin board: “Sunday Sermon–The Christian’s Ambition: No Evening Service.”

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, May 18, 1954.

Notice on a church bulletin board: “If you’re interested in outer space, instructions are being given inside.”

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, June 26, 1962.

A church bulletin board advises: “Every Day is Judgment Day. Use a Lot of It.”

—Purser Hewitt, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Oct. 17, 1972.

On the bulletin board of a church: “This is an integrated house of worship. We take both saints and sinners.”

—Daisy Brown, quoted in Wall Street Journal, New York, N.Y., Jan. 26, 1970.

Suggest slogan for a church--"Kneeling will keep you in good standing."

—Chuck Norman, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 6, 1967.

Bumper sticker in a church parking lot: "Drive like hell and you'll get there."

—Jack Rosenbaum, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Dec. 16, 1973.

Seen at a church: “If You Have No Sins, Come and Bring a Friend Who Has.”

—Red O’Donnell, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Jan. 15, 1972.

“For Sinners Only,” reads a sign on a church, adding: “Everybody Welcome.”

—Quoted in Wall Street Journal, New York, N.Y., Feb. 4, 1963.

Sign in front of church: “God is alive and well, thank you. Visiting hours twice on Sunday.”

—Quoted in Wall Street Journal, New York, N.Y., Feb. 13, 1967.

Sign on church lawn: “Please Keep Off. This Means Thou.”

—Quoted in Wall Street Journal, New York, N.Y., Aug. 25, 1966.

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