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Quotations for Laughs #71 --- Banks and Bank Accounts

Updated on March 27, 2011

Bank/Bank Account Jokes

You can't work in a bank and bring samples home.

—Charles H. Bliss, San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Feb. 8, 1920.

Banker: The Loan Arranger.

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Nov. 20, 1967.

Old bankers never die. They just lose interest.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Dec. 2, 1952.

Pessimist: A banker who just made a loan to an optimist.

—Fred Bunde, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Jan. 27, 1966.

A bank is a place where fountain pens are kept on a leash.

—Nat Campbell, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 22, 1959.

The only person who tells your fortune correct is your banker.

—Grady Imes, The Starkville News, Starkville, Miss., Feb. 28, 1941.

Bankers are folks who can't take any more interest in their business than the law allows them to take.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., March 3, 1944.

Did you hear about the motorist whose car was recalled by Detroit? There was a defect in his bank account.

—James Shurluck, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Feb. 26, 1967.

You've heard about the Texan who cashed a check so big that the bank bounced.

—Ronnie Schell, Parade, New York, N.Y., March 11, 1962.

Bank–An institution where you can borrow money if you can present sufficient evidence to show that you don't need it.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, March 14, 1954.

Bank: An institution that urges you to save part of what you earn, and lends you money so you can spend more than you earn.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 2, 1958.

You know your hard-luck story is good, if you can make a banker believe it.

The Atlanta Constitution, Atlanta, Ga., Aug. 16, 1934.

Working in a bank would be more fun if they ever gave away samples.

Crowley Daily Signal, Crowley, La., July 24, 1926.

Fame: An asset that banks refuse to accept as collateral for loans.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., Aug. 23, 1926.

Do not begrudge the other fellow his share of recognition. Banks and finance companies do well by giving people a little credit.

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Dec. 4, 1967.

It's easy to worry about nothing–when that's what you've got in the bank.

—John M. Williams, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Dec. 10, 1967.

Cancelled checks can never be said to be history. For history, you know, repeats itself.

—Edwin E. Naugle, St. Petersburg Times, St. Petersburg, Fla., Dec. 3, 1921.

Bank–The place where you borrow money from when you can't get it from a friend.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Dec. 27, 1954.

Drive-in banking was invented so cars can go in and see their real owners.

San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., June 19, 1970.

Sinking fund: The average bank account.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, March 8, 1964.

One convention speaker–a banker–said: “A lot of the trouble in this country is caused by the open-mouth policy of our politicians.”

—Lewis T. Nordyke, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, March 16, 1951.

We consider our mistakes to be big or little according to how much of a dent they make in our bank account.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Aug. 23, 1944.

A man should carry a balance in two places–in the bank and in his head.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Feb. 29, 1936.

Life is a question of balance–usually the bank balance.

The Commercial Dispatch, Columbus, Miss., Jan. 14, 1929.

Genius: A fellow who knows all the bank holidays by heart, and never gets caught broke on a day the bank is closed.

—Jack Haney, The Times-Picayune, New Orleans, La., Nov. 9, 1925.

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