Quotations for Laughs #72 --- Mowing the Lawn
Mowing the Lawn Jokes
Even the sight of the lawn mower seems to give some men spring fever.
—Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, March 1, 1949.
An optimist is one who while shoveling snow is happy he doesn't have to mow the lawn.
—Carson City News, Carson City, Nev., April 9, 1924.
A man may love the ground a woman walks on, and still object to cutting the grass on it.
—Austin American, Austin, Texas, May 10, 1924.
Since the earth's surface is three-fourths water and only one-fourth land–why shouldn't a man spend three hours fishing to every hour pushing a lawn mower around?
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 8, 1967.
Any boy who is anxious to mow the lawn is too young.
—San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., March 26, 1975.
The surest way to keep children off the grass is to tell them to mow it.
—Tony Pettito, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 30, 1961.
A summer resort: borrowing your neighbor's lawn mower.
—The Independent, New York, N.Y., May 31, 1883.
Personally we would not object to the skeleton in our closet if we could make him mow the lawn.
—Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, July 26, 1911.
Law'n order: Keep off the grass.
—The Independent, New York, N.Y., Aug. 26, 1880.
A yard is only about three feet long–until you start pushing a lawn mower on a hot afternoon.
—Dan Bennett, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 16, 1953.
Nothing defines a property line more clearly than when your neighbor mows his lawn.
—Floyd R. Miller, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, July 10, 1956.
There's a silver lining to every cloud. Suppose you had to lather the grass before you cut it.
—Wayne Countian, Clifton, Tenn., July 10, 1925.
Repetition–Doing something over again, like the barber who cuts hair all day and then goes home and mows the lawn.
—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Oct. 10, 1955.
The man who brags that he runs things around his house is probably referring to the lawn mower, vacuum cleaner and the washing machine.
—Rip Taylor, Parade, New York, N.Y., Sept. 16, 1962.
Gentleman: Fellow who leaves the lawn mower out where his wife can find it easily.
—San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., Oct. 21, 1968.
My doctor said my wife and I needed exercise. So I bought golf clubs for myself and a lawn mower for her.
—Jack Herbert, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 7, 1962.
Golf is what men do to relax when they are too tired to mow the lawn.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Oct. 1, 1962.
Summer is the time of year when golf courses are overrun with men who are too tired to dig in their own back yards.
—John J. Plomp, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 5, 1961.
A successful wife is one who can take an old rake and make him into a lawn mower.
—Dorothea Kent, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., Jan. 6, 1974.
A man can do two things to improve his lot: make a pile of money–and spend it on lawn maintenance.
—Lane Olinghouse, Family Weekly, New York, N.Y., March 30, 1969.
A vacation is when you exchange the ear-splitting roar of the power lawn mower for the ear-splitting roar of outboard motors.
—Bill Vaughan, St. Louis Post-Dispatch, St. Louis, Mo., June 25, 1968.
An ecologist is a guy who trims his crabgrass by herding sheep instead of pushing a gasoline lawn mower.
—Harold Coffin, San Francisco Examiner, San Francisco, Calif., Aug. 16, 1970.
Loafer–A man who likes to mow the lawn in winter and shovel snow in summer.
—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, Oct. 21, 1953.
A suburbanite's a man who hires a kid to mow his lawn so he can go off and play golf for exercise.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, June 26, 1963.