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Quotations for Laughs #73 --- Gardening

Updated on March 30, 2011

Gardening Jokes (Set No. 2)

If you kept your seed catalogs, you can dig them out now to see what those flowers would have looked like if they had lived up to promises.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., July 9, 1969.

Some folks can get a lot of weeds pulled while looking for a four-leaf clover.

—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Sept. 8, 1969.

Harrowing experience: What the soil undergoes between plowing and seeding.

—Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, Feb. 4, 1958.

A garden is a thing of beauty and a job forever.

—Eugene P. Bertin, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 15, 1958.

If you want to spread dirt, wait until spring and dig it in your own garden.

Morning Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., Jan. 7, 1952.

Most husbands still have the same old things to look forward to come spring–spading the garden.

San Antonio Express, San Antonio, Texas, Jan. 26, 1960.

Spring–The time of year when husbands are transferred from the dog house to the garden.

—Lorrie Brooks, Dallas Morning News, Dallas, Texas, April 18, 1954.

Many a garden has ceased to be the land of promise.

New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., June 23, 1924.

As it turns out, a great many gardens are for the birds.

—Ivan Helmer, Look, Des Moines, Iowa, Aug. 2, 1960.

A man never realizes the truth of the statement that the meek shall inherit the earth until he marries a woman who loves gardening.

—O.A. Battista, New York Herald Tribune, New York, N.Y., April 14, 1957.

A model wife is one who, when she spades the garden, saves the worms for her fisherman husband.

—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., March 13, 1967.

The average man seems to imagine that planting a garden is a sort of cross between playing a round of golf and digging for fishing worms.

—Helen Rowland, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., March 16, 1934.

Nothing changes the line of a man's thinking quicker than spading up a fishing worm while digging in the garden.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Aug. 15, 1962.

It is said to take psychology to succeed in any kind of work, and anyway the kids who are spading the garden give vent to much sighcology.

—S.C. Idol, Clark County Enterprise Banner, Dubois, Idaho, March 26, 1925.

A garden hose is a long hole with rubber wrapped around it.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Aug. 7, 1937.

It's work when you sweat in the garden, but it's sport when you perspire on the golf course.

—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., July 27, 1945.

Difference between an amateur golfer and an amateur gardener is that one of them uses the holes he digs.

Orange Daily Leader, Orange, Texas, Aug. 7, 1922.

It’s garden-planting time. Best advice we can give is, don’t plant more than your wife can weed.

—Wesley S. Izzard, Amarillo Daily News, Amarillo, Texas, April 30, 1955.

A rakish craft–the gardener's.

Puck, New York, N.Y., April 26, 1893.

A man's character and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding that was done during the growing season.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 17, 1961.

Helping a man get rid of his vice is not enough–pulling weeds out of a field doesn't help if you don't plant something else.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 13, 1964.

When we pull up a vegetable, that’s the end of it. When we pull up a weed, two more come in place of it.

—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., March 15, 1944.

A weed is a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered.

Houston Post, Houston, Texas, April 14, 1966.

And what is a weed, but a flower that doesn't have a press agent.

—Harold Coffin, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, July 9, 1963.

The path of duty is seldom overgrown with grass. More often it is weeds.

Humboldt Star, Winnemucca, Nev., Nov. 4, 1921.

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