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Quotations for Laughs #9 --- Fishing
A fish usually grows fastest from the time it’s caught to the time it’s described.
—Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., June 10, 1968.
There’s poetic justice after all. Bet no one believes the fish, either, when he goes home and brags about the big one he got away from.
—John Mooney, Salt Lake Telegram, Salt Lake City, Utah, May 20, 1948.
Noah couldn’t have done much fishing from the ark–he only had two worms.
—Mark Beltaire, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Jan. 3, 1979.
Taking your wife to a party is like fishing with the game warden. No matter what you catch, you have to throw it back.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Feb. 10, 1959.
When I pay for a license to catch fish, I think it should have a coupon attached to it to guarantee I would.
—Judd Mortimer Lewis, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 14, 1932.
Give a fisherman an inch and he's sure to scale it upward.
—Shannon Fife, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., Feb. 18, 1968.
In telling fish stories, a man with long arms has a distinct advantage over a short-armed competitor.
—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Jan. 8, 1937.
A true fisherman is one who can't describe his catch without using both hands.
—Carey Williams, Beaumont Enterprise, Beaumont, Texas, June 5, 1955.
Fishermen are bigger liars than golfers. Golfers' arms are not long enough to tell about their shots.
—Crowley Daily Signal, Crowley, La., Aug. 23, 1926.
You can't tell what length some people will go, especially if it is a fish story they are telling.
—Jack Haney, The Times-Picayune, New Orleans, La., Oct. 9, 1926.
Fisherman’s prayer: “Let me catch a fish so big that I will not have to lie about it.”
—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., March 18, 1943.
Men are like fish; neither would get into trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
—William C. Hunter, Chicago Tribune, Chicago, Ill., June 12, 1910.
A man is a creature who can wait three hours for a fish to bite, but can't wait 10 minutes for his wife to dress.
—Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., April 20, 1970.
The best test of a fishing story is getting your story of it believed.
—Ivy Clough Johnson, The Leesburg Morning Commercial, Leesburg, Fla., Sept, 8, 1927.
Rebate: Put another worm on the hook.
—Mrs. Jack Stewart, Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 9, 1942.
The way some fishermen stretch their fish stories you’d think they’d break their lines.
—San Antonio Express, San Antonio, Texas, Oct. 11, 1959.
A fish fry at a church had to be cancelled when men of the congregation failed to catch enough fish.
—Paul Steiner, Parade, New York, N.Y., July 15, 1956.
Optimist: A fisherman who takes a yardstick with him when he goes fishing.
—Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., July 15, 1941.
Loafing is mighty hard work when you do it fishing.
—Bert Moses, Lake Charles American-Press, Lake Charles, La., Nov. 24, 1921.
If fish were as big as the fibs told about them, the market would have to sell sardines in box cars.
—Les Goates, Deseret News, Salt Lake City, Utah, June 14, 1930.
To be a successful fisherman it is necessary to have more patience than the fish.
—Jack Warwick, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, Pa., Aug. 31, 1936.
You can tell a bachelor fisherman from a husband: one gets up at the crack of dawn and the other gets up at the crack of the whip.
—Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., June 11, 1965.
The old adage that what man has done, man can undo, does not necessarily apply to the snarled fishing line.
—Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., July 28, 1972.
In any crowd of good-natured optimists, the story-telling fisherman is always at his best.
—W.P. Ball, New Orleans States, New Orleans, La., Feb. 15, 1935.
Old fishermen never die–they just smell that way.
—Houston Post, Houston, Texas, March 1, 1964.