Quotations for Laughs #1 --- Dogs
Pants: What a hot dog does.
---Jesse J. Collins, Tampa Morning Tribune, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 27, 1942.
A dog will eat almost anything you give him, but a cat demands a look at the menu first.
---Bill Vaughan, Milwaukee Journal, Milwaukee, Wis., Oct. 30, 1968.
If we let this country go to the dogs everybody will have to wear a license tag.
---Jack Warwick, Pittsurgh Post-Gazette, Pittsburgh, Pa., Dec. 2, 1937.
Since there's already a catalog why haven't any of those animal lovers demanded a dogalog?
---Bill Copeland, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., May 17, 1965.
A real sport--A fellow who got a marriage licens, a fishing license and a dog license on the same day.
---Vera Wise, The Daily Herald, Biloxi, Miss., June 26, 1941.
Be an optimist--even a guy in the dog house has a woof over his head.
---John Mooney, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, May 27, 1954.
No matter how dumb a dog may look he's got his master working to support him.
---San Francisco Chronicle, San Francisco, Calif., April 25, 1973.
Live fully for complete happiness. Work like a dog, eat like a horse, think like a fox, play like a kitten--and see your veterinarian twice a year.
---Tom Ethridge, The Clarion-Ledger, Jackson, Miss., July 12, 1973.
Dog: An animal the neighbors have that howls at the moon when the moon is shining and at something else when the moon isn't shining.
---Jack Haney, The Times-Picayune, New Orleans, La., April 25, 1925.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks unless you are smarter than the dog.
---Mt. Pleasant Record, Mt. Pleasant, Tenn., Nov. 3, 1933.
A dog eating cantaloupe: A melon collie.
---Chicago Heights Star, Chicago Heights, Ill., March 19, 1957.
Today I yelled at my dog--and my wife said the dog was right.
---Rodney Dangerfield, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, Sept. 2, 1968.
Why is a sheet of paper like a lazy dog?
A sheet of paper is an ink-lined plane.
An inclined plane is a slope up.
A slow pup is a lazy dog.
---Chuck Billing, Houston Post, Houston, Texas, May 21, 1964.
A scolding person is like a barking dog--their noise disturbs. It's the uncertainty of the critter's next move that worries.
---W.H. Johnson, Baptist Standard, Dallas, Texas, Sept. 21, 1905.
When a man is accused of leading a dog's life it may be an insult to the dog.
---Knoxville Journal, Knoxville, Tenn., Feb. 14, 1941.
Dachshund: An animal that's half a dog high and a dog and a half long.
---Paul H. Gilbert, El Paso Times, El Paso, Texas, July 17, 1957.
Some fellows are in the dog house so much they're considering getting a license.
---Chinook Opinion, Chinook, Mont., July 14, 1949.
One advantage in being a dog is that someone else pays the tax.
---Hamilton G. Park, Salt Lake Tribune, Salt Lake City, Utah, Jan. 4, 1939.
People usually bury the hatchet as a dog does bones, so they can easily find it again in case of emergency.
---Nashville Banner, Nashville, Tenn., July 18, 1942.
A man wags his tongue and a dog wags his tail, but the dog's wag is always truthful.
---Tuscola Journal, Tuscola, Ill., Aug. 14, 1924.
No man understands human nature half so well as an experienced dog.
---Bert Moses, Lake Charles American Press, Lake Charles, La., Sept. 6, 1935.
If the world is going to the dogs, that's something for the dogs to worry about.
---Grady Imes, The Starkville News, Starkville, Miss., March 27, 1942.
Everyone sympathizes with the under do except the dog that happens to be on top.
---Duncan M. Smith, Charleston Daily Mail, Charleston, W. Va., April 25, 1904.
Jumping at a conclusion--a dog catching his own tail.
---Michigan Farmer, Detroit, Mich., May 2, 1887.
President's dog: A publicity hound.
---Don Maclean, Sarasota Journal, Sarasota, Fla., Aug. 28, 1968.