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Updated on December 7, 2009

Reconnecting With "Ex" Flames on Facebook

So, let me explain. It seems that there is a new word for people who look for “ex” flames on Facebook. If you do or have done, you are now considered a “Retrosexual.” Another way to use the word is “Retrosexing” which is another way of describing “vintage partner refurbishers.”

I do admit that I’m guilty of trying to see if I left certain one’s behind for a reason. There was my boyfriend in college from a good Malibu family who was an incredible lover, artist and musician but had tattoos and was battling a drug problem before we met in the mid-eighties. We had coffee a few months back and he told me about touring with Nirvana and other music adventures and his marriage of almost twenty years. He still looked the same but it seems that the hard parties and drug blitz in the early 90’s have taken their toll. He is still gorgeous though and incredibly talented and it felt like no time had passed at all. It was really interesting to hang out with him for a few hours. One thing that I did learn was that I needed to get back to my “creative” self and stop sweating the small stuff. He is now a successful artist for studios and music labels. After that visit, I actually felt a bit more confident that I had made the right decisions as far as my relationships with the opposite sex. He had his place decorated in real gothic tapestry, artwork and skulls placed throughout the place. That trip down memory lane was a great learning experience. Actually as a person I still really like him, but as a partner in life it just would have never worked. So, thank you Facebook! One more curiosity quenched! Amen.

Another one that I had gotten in touch with is my first lover ever and in all romantic sense “my first love.” We had spoken on the phone for many years since 2002. Both of us have been married to our spouses for a long time. His kids are a lot older then mine. At one point I actually reached out to him to help me with my marriage when I was going through a rough patch. He has always been a very religious man and I felt that he could talk some sense into me. The only time things got a bit “yucky” with him was when he saw different men flirting with me on Facebook and he started with his “little jabs.” One day I just let him have it…….how many years later? Very funny! Really. He said something like “you and your rock and roll life” and I felt so insulted that I wrote two paragraphs and sent them through Facebook telling him to be honest with himself and admit that he still has the “hots” for me! We have made up since then but the dialogue has gone to an e-mail once in a while. A few years back he told me that he was just glad that I lived three thousand miles away. NEXT!

Ofcourse there are a few more, but I don’t want to bore you with my “memories.”The main thing is that Facebook has made it possible to reach out to long lost friends, old hook ups and good and bad lovers and a few crazy people too. I will admit that I have indulged in the flirting because I think it is entertaining and lots of fun. I don’t see any harm in it really. Today I spoke to two other guys I knew from way back when from Facebook. One I hired to paint my Santa Monica place today and I spoke to another old friend who I should have dated but I was a "serial" relationship person at the time. Like he said on the phone, “I tried to ask you out but you were always with somebody.” So, there you have it! Nice to know I was wanted in 1984! Really on a nice note it was nice to catch up with someone that I spent a lot of time with way back then. He told me some of the things he remembered about me and one of the things he said was that I was a really fun and normal girl. Nice to hear that I have not changed much! I’m being silly. I guess the main thing is that I remember things quite differently, but will stick with his last memory.

After speaking to quite a few male and female friends who are now mostly single and divorced in their forties, I have come to realize that a lot of them are finally “growing up. Maybe this recession has helped people narrow down what they want and need. I have seen a lot of change and growth within people that I have known and do know now. It is fun to see what they are up to whenever I log onto Facebook.

I think it is fantastic that I could reconnect with old friends on Facebook. I guess the word to describe me would be “Retrobuddy.” I do enjoy catching up with everyone and seeing pics of their families and mates or spouses. I like to see how things turned out for everyone. Most of them seem to be doing fine. I don't go there as often as I did in the beginning because I just got bored eventually when the excitement wore off.

The one person that is not on my Facebook is my ex-husband who I left in 1992. We were actually very emotionally attached at a young age and I often do not have many nice things to say about him. If we saw eachother it would be a big emotional reunion, but on Facebook it would just get ugly. After he wrote me a three page letter by hand before the divorce and our rollercoaster ride during the eleven years together “on and off,” I would just have to relive “the guilt.” Personally I just want to keep it all fun and pretend I’m a teenager! So, I'm hoping that I never get his "friend request." I worry that he will still try to ask me "why?" Even twenty or so years later. I know it is silly really but I was so young.

One of my old friends who is divorced and single that I spoke to yesterday said that she has “redated” all of her old flames through Facebook the last couple of months. We are supposed to have lunch soon. I just can’t wait to hear it all. The stuff she has said so far had me laughing for days. Infact I’m still laughing! After our conversation I told her the new word for what she is doing. I told her that she is a "retrosexual" and she choked on her coffee. 


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    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      Hey James! Nice to see you here. I have given another James on here the name "RetroRomeo".....would that fit you 2? ha

      I like the other ones you mentioned 2! Best, GPAGE

    • James McV Sailor profile image

      James J Mills 

      9 years ago from Northern California

      Retrosexual sounds a little uninvolved. I suppose that in my youth it might apply, but as I have grown (I hope)that something else better descibes the seeking need.... Retrolover (?) Retrofantasy (?) I do like retrobuddy, though I didn't have many of those. Retropsycho (?)... a few too many! Great article !!

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      easy1......nice to see you here! Thanks for your comment. Best, GPAGE

    • easy1 profile image


      9 years ago from Ireland

      Never for me, I think memories are best left as they are plus the sqirming embarrassement of some past relationships.Great hub G.

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      James......u r too funny! Shall we call you RetroRomeo instead? ha

      Best, G

    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      9 years ago from Chicago

      Retrobuddy. I like it. I have reconnected with many old friends on FB but no past . . . whoops . . . wait a minute . . . I can't say that. Uhh . . . I have not reconnected with my ex-wives through FB nor ex-girlfriends. :)

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      viryabo. Nice to see you here. My adventure turned out to be "fun" but in the end I concluded what I already knew. BUT it was worth the journey!! ; GPAGE

    • viryabo profile image


      9 years ago

      I'm really tempted!

      Great hub GPage.

      I really am tempted to dig into the past and find out who is doing what now, youthful & athletic, old & shrivelled, still great fun or downright boring LOL!

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      prasetio30.....always nice to see you here. Thank you for your nice comment.

      Best, GPAGE

    • prasetio30 profile image


      9 years ago from malang-indonesia

      "Retrosexual" I heard this word just from you. It looks new and interesting for me.Facebook could bring together two hearts that have long separated.And it happen with you. thanks for share your "lovely" story.

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      adam b...thanks for stopping in and leaving your comment. It's nice to see you here. I'm not the type to brag (otherwise I would use my real name on here; ha), so I would say I'm in the other "2" categories that you mentioned.

      It has been fun to re-connect in a "virtual" way with old friends...male and female. There was only one that I wanted to find out if I had made a mistake.....and I did not. Actually got some closure from it and discovered more about my self. Can't beat that! I'm pretty much done with "searching." Best, GPAGE

    • profile image

      Adam B 

      9 years ago

      I am not on facebook and I will probably never be...just because I don't want people from my past to find me.

      Here is something I believe to be the truth:

      If a guy is searching Facebook, Myspace, Twitter or whichever social networking site for ex-girlfriends or ex-crushes...he is looking for sex...period.

      If a girl searches out past lovers they are looking to re-conect for either an honest friendship, to see if they made a mistake...or because they want to show off thier glorious life and brag.

      Do you fall into one of those categories?

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      dori.....nice to see your name here and thanx for your comment. That is my sisters name with the same spelling ; I think the "curiosity" comes from my experiences when I was too young to know better or make the best choices because I did not know what I really wanted.....AHHHH "youth!" I have changed so much the past twenty years it has been really fun to "revisit" some of my past "adventures!"......honestly it has been really entertaining!

      Best, GPAGE

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      privateye2500......U R 2 FUNNY!!!!!!! LOL.......GPAGE

    • fortunerep profile image

      Dori S Matte 

      9 years ago from Hillsborough

      wow, never thought of looking for ex's. Remember there was a reason why they are an ex, if it's not broke, don't fix it. I enjoyed your hub Facebook is really a great place to get back in touch with lots of friends and family. I love to see where their lives are now versus 20 years a go in high schoool!


    • privateye2500 profile image


      9 years ago from Canada, USA, London

      Ya buncha stalkers!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL! oh LOL

    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      ok fellow hubbers! thanx for dropping in!

      I hope this entertained you......GPAGE

      kartika.....glad I made you giggle ;

      Big Brother! ha wonder you have so much to say! ha GPAGE

    • Jess Killmenow profile image

      Jess Killmenow 

      9 years ago from Nowheresville, Eastern United States

      Okay, I'm guilty. :(

    • Big Brother profile image

      Alex Valis 

      9 years ago from Earth

      Retrosexual??? Thanks, Alex

    • kartika damon profile image

      kartika damon 

      9 years ago from Fairfield, Iowa

      I love that term retrosexual - those trips down memory lane can be highly enlightening - you usually find out a lot about yourself and how much you've changed! lol! Kartika

    • sukhera143 profile image


      9 years ago from Home


    • GPAGE profile imageAUTHOR


      9 years ago from California

      bayareagreatthing....thanx for stopping in and leaving a comment. I have actually discussed a lot of this with my husband. He thinks it is funny. He also knows that I'm just having "fun."

      Some men would not be cool with it, but he is. So, have not rocked the boat at home or no harm done here ; ha

      Best, GPAGE

    • bayareagreatthing profile image


      9 years ago from Bay Area California

      I have mixed feelings about looking for old friends...well of course with old loves, that would not work for my husband :) But there are a few that I would like to know what became of them. Nice fun hub- love the title!


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