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Right to scold
Scolding and message to one and all
I was accompanying my friend to a cinema hall during my school days when a neighboring elderly person (we called uncle) looked at us with staring eyes which filled us with an apprehension of being scolded by my parents as I had not obtained prior permission to see a film. Although it later turned out to be a casual look on his part seeing us in another locality we could not ignore the gaze as we had deep respect for such elderly persons in our childhood days. Any senior person could rebuke, snub or even beat us like our parents for being naughty. But gone are those days. Now if we tick off a child for using offensive words he may protest saying “How does this concern you” or “Who are you to give me such a lecture?”
Nobody likes to be blamed these days. It is the ego that hurts. But as we understand rebuking is a means of rectifying something wrong in a person. It is generally accepted in our daily practice although we should take proper care not to misuse it by humiliating a person. Often we hear jarring notes in one’s voices and improper use of disparaging comments cause much harm than bring desired results. When a teacher, parent or guardian chides a child, student or a trainee he should take due care that the recipient does not take it as an insult and in that case the result will be negative.
When during my school days I was very shy and avoided public speeches, our class teacher was very angry. He upbraided me for such avoidance. When my elder brother
knew the matter, I received a severe reproach reminding me that I should change my habit and listen to my teachers. So out of anger and dogged determination I began to follow others who were successful and this yielded good results. Timely reproof has paid good dividends for me in later life.
Scolding then and now
Old-timers are at times found to seek a stern approach for correction of the defect in a child. But modern psychologists affirm otherwise saying that such negative approach often mar the very development of the mental faculties of the child who may become criminals out of a sense of sheer negligence. Anxiety filled child remains always vacillating in going for new things. As worrying takes much of his or her time learning takes a back seat. Children need a secure, loving and caring environment that will provide the right atmoshphere to discover the outside world without fear and shyness. This can fully develop their competence and talent to prove their worth in the society.
Lack of proper communication and mutual understanding among the family members are pre-requisite for proper growth of children. Without trying to become the child’s best friends most parents now want to brandish sticks and use abusive languages to punish their wards. Communication between parents and children should be such that the latter do not feel neglected and fearful since lure of the outside world is too much. In an ideal environment, spanking should never be necessary. However, on rare occasions it may be needed to smack a child below the belt particularly on the bottom. Spanking given with fairness, love and care is an effective discipline technique.
Let me conclude this dissemination with a very pleasant real life incident on the subject. A Bengali novelist had once been writing a great novel on the short flight of steps leading to the front door of his residence when a teenage girl intimated him that an elderly person (Uncle to the writer) had sought to meet him soon at his residence. As the writer was very busy with his job he advised her to tell his uncle that he would see him later in the evening. When he met him eventually that evening the elderly person got very much infuriated and burst out angrily considering this as an act of disobedience and the writer was admonished right and left without any consideration for his just excuses and dignity. Later when the novelist was back home and confronted by his wife she began to remonstrate with him for such timidity in the presence of the so called old man who was after all an illiterate person. At this the writer replied that he was at least relieved to learn that there was still one guardian for him in the locality. He took the scolding as a right on the part of the senior person who definitely had sufficient affection for him as well.
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