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The Case Against Saying 'I Love You More'

Updated on January 7, 2019
revmjm profile image

Margaret Minnicks has been an online writer for many years. She researches and shares remedies for using certain products for illnesses.

You have probably heard someone say, "I love you" to someone and the recipient of the expression responds by saying, "I love you more."

While both expressions sound romantic and remarkable, there is something wrong with the response.

What's Wrong With Saying, 'I Love You More'?

Saying "I love you more" is actually a put-down. Here's why. When you say to someone "I love you," and the person says, "I love you more," it appears as if the respondent is trying to get the upper hand. The person wants to get one up on the person who merely said, "I love you."

By saying, "I love you more," you are comparing and putting yourself on top. You insinuate that you are better because you can love to a greater capacity. If the truth is told, people can love only to the extent that they can love, and there should never be a direct or indirect comparison.

It belittles the person who merely said, "I love you" because the person who responds by saying, "I love you more" is saying "I can love better than you." The person who says that probably says he or she can do other things better as well. It is a sign that they put themselves on top in other things as well.

Not a Complete Sentence

"I love you" is a complete sentence with a subject, a verb, and direct object. Nothing else needs to be added to it for it to make sense.

On the other hand, "I love you more" is not a logical sentence because something appears to be missing. For instance, "I love you more than what?" More than who else? More now than in the past? More than my favorite song, food, or hobby?

What "I Love You More" Could Mean

When someone responds by saying, "I love you more" the person could be trying to outdo what you said. Actually, it could be a put-down or a way to belittle you who could only say, "I love you." The respondent could be telling you that you are not capable of loving as much as he or she is capable of loving.

It is ambiguous what the "I-love-you-more" person is trying to say. He could be telling you that he loves you more than something else. The sentence seems incomplete as if another comparison should be given such as "I love you more than chocolate chip ice cream." Even worse is "I love you more than I love spinach."

The person could be saying indirectly that "I love you more than I love your best friend." Or "I love you more than I love my last significant other." He could be saying, "I love you more today than yesterday when I didn't love you as much or not at all."

Michael Jackson used to say it. Television personality Wendy Williams says it all the time when someone from the audience yells, "I love you, Wendy." The talk show host yells back, "I love you more." She lies when she says that. She doesn't know the person. So, how could she love someone she has never seen before. It seems to be a habit more than an actual emotion.

What Did Jesus Command?

Throughout the Bible, Jesus commanded His disciples and others to love one another but not once did He command anyone to love someone more.

Some people are uncomfortable by merely saying, "I love you" and leaving it at that. They feel that they have to add something to those three words when actually they don't need to do so. The words "I love you" is powerful enough to stand on their own.

My Personal Opinion

I have told many people that I love them. However, I have never added anything to that already complete sentence. I have never formed my mouth to say, "I love you more" for the reasons I have stated above.

Some might disagree with my commentary on this subject. That's fine because it is a matter of personal opinions. I have stated mine, so feel free to state your below in the comment section.

The bottom line is that I prefer people just loving me. They don't have to love me more!

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    • profile image

      Blaine 

      5 months ago

      So I've been saying this I love you more thing to my girlfriend/unofficial fiance for some time now. You raise a good point here and one that i had not considered. I saw this post one time that i can really identify with, but it expands on the sentence as you pointed out it needs more than just i love you more. Here is how i identify with i love you more: "when i say I love you more, I don't mean i love you more than you love me. I mean that i love you more than the bad days ahead of us, i love you more than any fight we will ever have. I love you more than the distance between us, I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us. I love you the most." That resonates with me because I am an all in kinda guy which holds true particularly in the relationship I'm in now because she has a toddler son and I am dedicated to raising him with her. That said, i just thought I'd be a devils advocate. This is a tough one for me as i do not wish to play the one upsmanship game, yet i feel the way my referenced post states. Thanks for the perspective.

    • profile image

      Agnes Smith- Brown 

      8 months ago

      Thanks for sharing, your opinion of the "Love you more " quote. I agree that it's oftentimes misleading. It leaves the sentence dangling. More than What?

      We all desire Loved, but let it be true, unconditionally as Christ's Love

      No comparison or competition!! Blessings with Love,Peace & Joy.

      Minister Brown.

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      8 months ago from Richmond, VA

      Alade, Oh, yes we are the same page when it comes to saying, "I love you more." It is interesting that some people use expressions they have heard others say without giving much thought to what they are really saying.

      I have never used the expression for the same reasons you have given. Thanks for confirming what I wrote in the article.

    • profile image

      Alade 

      8 months ago

      I am totally agreed with you, it seems over generous, or as if one is wastimg or selling what is not. How could someone love another more than her or himself. And besides saying ' l love you more' l could one really measure the length of love or degree of love one has for the first person to expression her or his feeling of love? I think all the good users ofnthe English language should see to it that 'more' is ellipted from the expression of love.

      And it is also not grammatical because it is not a complete sense, and it is even a kind of deceit semantically because any other group of words may be added to show what the person( the responder) is comparing the love with.

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      2 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Thanks, Martha, for reading and commenting on my article about not saying "I love you more!"

    • profile image

      Martha Rogers 

      2 years ago

      Thanks for this. I have heard people say this. Very informative as always.

    • revmjm profile imageAUTHOR

      Margaret Minnicks 

      2 years ago from Richmond, VA

      Thanks, Patricia, for reading and commenting. I guess you could tell I am turned off when I hear someone say, "I love you more!"

    • profile image

      Patricia Graham 

      2 years ago

      Thanks for the info.

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