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Regrets I Have

Updated on April 27, 2015

I regret the things I wanted replacing the things you needed.
I regret your heart breaking and my not preventing it.
I should have payed more attention, but I was out with friends.
Then you called, but I was having too much fun to listen.

I apologize for the many times your pretty eyes cried.
And when you tried to warn me against mistakes I was making,
I said, "I'll never repeat your stupidity".
That I was out of line.
Just know, I found out in time.

Although, you've done many things I don't agree with,
you never earned disrespect. Know it was born from ignorance.
While I needed someone to look up to, I needed someone to disagree with
someone to fight, and then ignore while I sorted out my resentment.
I know, it sucks to be a target.
I regret how long our fights lasted.

While I regret not bringing you enough smiles
cause I had less important more important things on my mind,
know that my biggest regret is your pain.
Even the aches that didn't stem from me.

Like the ways you were torn before I was even born.
I regret that I can look into your eyes today and define your look as forlorn.
How do I end your suffering?
How much can I give to you while taking care of me?
What if I said you pushed me away with all the drama,
and that I'm living my own life, looking for my own come-up?

I feel like we're strangers and you'd never understand my diary entries.
I love putting myself in danger and falling into the things that tempt me.
I'm sorry that my history can be disappointing,
but there's strength in my honesty,
and lessons in the secrets I keep.
There isn't a shred of innocence left in this body,
but Mommy, I'm still your baby.

You didn't fail with me and when you pray, don't leave me out of your memory.
You believe in Jesus while I don't for my own reasons.
But if you insist, I'll trust with five percent
cause if you do, I do, it's just simple math.
Or maybe it isn't. Did those numbers add up? I'm no brainiac.

Do you think I grew up too fast?
I don't remember being a child,
that's another regret I have. . .

I will never be like you and I used to think that was why you hated me.
I will never live up to the name you gave me, nor will I become what you tried to create in me.
When my father told me he loved me, I didn't believe him.
Still, I wish you'd say those words too for no reason.
With you, they'd carry more weight
cause with you, I always felt safe.
Yet, it was you I hid from when I meditated in my rhymes.
I was only nine, I just hope you found out in time.

If I die young, I'd regret at least half our relationship.
Why was I born into dysfunction. Nevermind, you made the best of it.
I tend to wonder why you have such bad blood with your mother.
I hope you and I never have that with each other,
but I see us turning around that corner.
That is why I let calls from you go unanswered.
Plus, I'm sick of fighting about my brother.

I've watched you repeat the same cycle over and over.
When are a mother's sins neglected by her daughter?
That karma can't be my monster.

When I turn 25 this summer,
I hope it will storm the entire week.
I want the rain to cleanse me
cause I've been hearing thunder in my heartbeat. . .
it means I'm not clean.

There's just too much to regret
about you and me.

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    • Frida Rose profile image
      Author

      Frida Rose 2 years ago from Maryland

      Thanks guys! :)

    • RaajaRaajan profile image

      RaajaRaajan 2 years ago from India

      You know how to express your thoughts so powerfully and interestingly, Frida Rose .

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 2 years ago from Bedfordshire, U.K

      This is thought-provoking and very powerful writing. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

    • Frida Rose profile image
      Author

      Frida Rose 2 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you, Frank.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      ur regrets here gives me pause wonderfully written

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      Chuckle ...chuckle ...

      Thanks Frida. In Light and Love.

    • Frida Rose profile image
      Author

      Frida Rose 2 years ago from Maryland

      Manatita, your insight is amazing; it's almost like you sat with me as I wrote the poem. Thank you for leaving such a thoughtful comment.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 2 years ago from london

      I absolutely love your poem! One of the most beautiful thing is insight, When we can see clearly, it all makes sense.

      We are all the victims of fate. It dances on our foreheads. So while I will say that Grace is always present, for the most part we struggle because of our and other's yesterdays.

      How I love this Line! 'know that my biggest regret is your pain.'

      This implies empathy. There really is nothing to hate in this life. We struggle ... others struggle. When e'er you can, be kind, for each has his own struggles, and his thoughts turn largely around itself.

      I love your sweet simplicity and sincerity. Continue to strive; hold on to your belief in a Higher Light. Much Peace.

    • Frida Rose profile image
      Author

      Frida Rose 2 years ago from Maryland

      Thank you for your comments. I appreciate each one.

    • lollyj lm profile image

      Laurel Johnson 2 years ago from Washington KS

      I love poetry that comes from the heart and has meaningful content. Your heart and spirit live in your poetry, Frida.

    • sandeep15r profile image

      Sandeep Rathore 2 years ago from New Delhi

      "While I regret not bringing you enough smiles

      cause I had less important more important things on my mind,

      know that my biggest regret is your pain.

      Even the aches that didn't stem from me."

      I LIKE THESE LINES VERY MUCH. Frida, I appreciate the clearity of your thoughts, and the way you express them.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Wow, your poetry is powerful Frida. It cuts deep to the soul and says things like it is. Isn't it funny that the people that inspire our verse, and really need to hear our inner thoughts, very rarely get to read it? That's how it is for me anyway. Voted up.

    • shanmarie profile image

      shanmarie 2 years ago

      Awww. This is so heartfelt and touching. Writing cleanses too.

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